To think America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie isn’t that great?

[Prrambulate]

BARBIE SPOILERS BELOW

Everyone seems to be raving about this moment in the Barbie movie - possibly worthy of an Oscar nomination, and a quintessential characterisation of what it’s like to be a women in modern society.

I thought it was lacklustre. There are parts of it that ring true - the incessant need to be likeable - but they’re kind of cliched. And other parts I just don’t agree with (love your kids but don’t talk about them all time, ie retain a semblance of identity beyond motherhood. Isn’t that a good thing? And who’s saying we always have to be grateful? I feel there’s much more collective understanding now about the challenges of being a woman and/or mother…)

*

Speech:

”It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass.

You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”

What is more interesting to me is that, like anything that is aimed at women or primarily involves women, it is excoriated for not being perfect.

Absolutely. There is a huge irony in a part of a film where a woman sets out all the hardships women face including the pressure to be perfect all the time…being criticised for not being perfect.

I didn’t identify with it at all. I’ve never felt I ‘have’ to be any of those things she mentions. I don’t tie myself in knots so that people like me. I’m just myself.

I honestly think women pile all this imaginary pressure and angst on themselves. Men don’t waste time on all this stuff.

My ds loved the film. It was good for another source to say the things I come out with about life as a woman.

Lots of women don't 'know this shit' though. You see on here day after day women worrying about precisely all of the issues referred to in the speech.

Some women, together women, educated women know this shit but frankly far too many put themselves through endless hours of self doubt, self hatred and misery navigating the pressures placed on women.

Surely some acknowledgment of the impossibility of chasing perfection in such a high grossing film is a start.

I thought it was perfect. It was such a pretty movie so easy to drift along with the silliness - because it was pretty and fun. And then the tone is that speech was perfect. It was beautifully balanced.

I think it was genius.

Is that really people's experience of being a woman?

Can't say any of that speech resonates

No, not every woman experiences anything even remotely like this. The fact is that we live in the easiest, most luxurious and safe society humans have ever experienced. Life has literally never been better for anyone. And it's pretty much proven that constantly dwelling on what we don't have makes us feel bad, like a form of anti-CBT. So instead of being really fucking glad almost all the time about the wonderful lives we can have, we make up shit to get us down. It's honestly so fucking stupid.

There are things that suck about being women. We are physically weaker and slower. That makes us very vulnerable to a particular type of man. We are also, mostly, sexual and romantically attracted to men and have very limited ways of telling in advance if the man we fall for is someone who will take advantage of our vulnerability. We get pregnant, which makes us more physically vulnerable, which is often the point where those men feel most secure in being violent. Our ability to get pregnant and our physical weakness, also for a millennia and still in a lot of the world, led to a horrible society wide suppression of women. But that is not what Barbie's audience are currently living through.

Pregnancy can cause physical discomfort, sickness, pain and long term damage. Not getting pregnant and breastfeeding can increase risk of multiple illnesses. We have periods every fucking month which are, at the absolute best, a boring tiresome, pain in the arse. I haven't gone through it yet, but I believe menopause is also very unpleasant and I'm not looking forward to that. And then, in a cruel twist of fate, there are women who don't get periods and that's actually worse because it's a symptom of a medical issue that will come with other problems. Women who don't have periods and women post-menopause have much greater risk of sarcopenia and osteopenia/osteoporosis than men.

And that's it. The universal experience of womanhood. And now, in a truly bizarre turn of events, all of the validation of miserable naval-gazing has brought us to a point where it's created a society that validates men who say they are women and allows them access to spaces where we are in a lot of our most vulnerable moments. While many of our more vulnerable girls are groomed to cut their breasts off. So we've also got that to contend with. I wouldn't call it universal as it's really not something most women through history, or hopefully the future women. But it is a symptom of a society where people have learned to focus more on what they don't have than what they do.

It did not have to be The Feminist Speech That Ends All Others - it was a rant in a movie, and a very good one.

The comment about her being beautiful and smart - to me it wasn't because she had to be those things but because it was a response to Barbie saying she felt ugly and not good enough. It highlighted that you can look like Margot Robbie, be the epitome of supposed Perfect Woman (but created by the men at Mattel) and you're still going to feel lacking.

be the epitome of supposed Perfect Woman (but created by the men at Mattel)

Barbie was created by a woman, co-Founder of Mattel, Ruth Handler.

And while I applaud the women who are able to resist the mass messaging we get fed through media/society etc about how to be a woman and be totally happy with themselves, I think you're in the minority.

Yes - sloppy shorthand, the current board of Mattel were all male. Which tbf was a bit of a contradiction but main point still stands.

I thought the point was “ watch woman create valuable product, then get sidelined whilst men run the show and profits”

Indeed

And get to tell that majority of women they’re wrong - again!

I honestly think women pile all this imaginary pressure and angst on themselves. Men don’t waste time on all this stuff.

I do quite like the fourth wall break from Helen Mirren when Barbie's talking about not being pretty anymore: “Note to film makers: Margot Robbie is not the right person to cast to make this point.”

It a speech in a Barbie movie, it’s hardly going to be “ I have a dream.. “

But who said they were referring to physical beauty?

It's funny how many people are making comments like this without realising they're making the point. "You're accused of complaining..."

I'm with you OP, 100% and in real life many others are.

I'm so tired of the fashionable message 'being a woman is soooooo hard' boohoo me.

Being a person is hard. Many of what she mentions apply to men just the same. Men experience similar pressures and other pressures. Why make it a competition?

I really feel sorry for young adult men who are expected to swallow all their own issues because it can never be as bad whilst expected to show full empathy of how women have it so hard because it's just the in trend right now. Films like this is just going to make it worse.

Why make it a competition?

Why do you see a speech about the issues of being a woman as being a competition with men?

Yes we know. The movie is endlessly meta and self-aware, and anticipates every single possible rejoinder, so you can’t critique anything about it. This is getting very tiresome tbh.

The point is that maybe some women feel as she describes but not all do. I don’t and I don’t like to see ALL women portrayed as being preoccupied with all that ‘am I good enough, do people like me’ stuff.

Can’t we just say some PEOPLE feel pressure and some don’t? Different pressures for men perhaps or just different people feel different ones.

I loved it - thought the movie was excellent at pointing out the double standards, misogyny and patriarchy that are all around us and yet so many fail to see.

Loved it all!

I really think they assumed that any semi intelligent person would understand that not every single woman on earth would relate to the speech (just as I'm sure they realised not every person would like the film) but that enough would for it to resonate with a reasonable number of viewers and be recognisable on some level. The problem is that if the character had added "some! Not all!" to every point, it would have really ruined the rhetoric and the delivery.

I am a bit surprised by how many middle aged women didn't stop to think that while this is old hat to them, it's likely to be very new to many younger viewers.

Tiresome? When was the last time you saw a film that did all that?

I've just realised that this might read as though I'm criticising your intelligence. I apologise, that was not my intention.