To think America Ferrera’s speech in Barbie isn’t that great?

[Prrambulate]

BARBIE SPOILERS BELOW

Everyone seems to be raving about this moment in the Barbie movie - possibly worthy of an Oscar nomination, and a quintessential characterisation of what it’s like to be a women in modern society.

I thought it was lacklustre. There are parts of it that ring true - the incessant need to be likeable - but they’re kind of cliched. And other parts I just don’t agree with (love your kids but don’t talk about them all time, ie retain a semblance of identity beyond motherhood. Isn’t that a good thing? And who’s saying we always have to be grateful? I feel there’s much more collective understanding now about the challenges of being a woman and/or mother…)

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Speech:

”It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we’re always doing it wrong.

You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can’t ask for money because that’s crass.

You have to be a boss, but you can’t be mean. You have to lead, but you can’t squash other people’s ideas. You’re supposed to love being a mother, but don’t talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman, but also always be looking out for other people.

You have to answer for men’s bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you’re accused of complaining. You’re supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you’re supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

But always stand out and always be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but also always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line.

It’s too hard! It’s too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault.

I’m just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don’t even know.”

You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough.

I hate this stuff. Whenever there is supposed ’uplifting’ of women, it’s this stuff: beautiful.
Not all women are beautiful, or smart.
And keeps the emphasis that women and girls have to be these things.

Same thing with the being a mother, how dissapointing.
There should be more message that it’s okey to be childfree.
The whole womanhood = motherhood is actually very patriarchal. And that message is already, sadly everywhere. We should aim for much better and not continue to put mithers/motherhood on a pedestal.
Just like having to be beautiful.

This sounded like a very shallow, bubble gum, liberal ’feminism’, but perhaps it’s a good start for younger women/kids.
Who knows.

You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don’t think you’re good enough.

Jesus, yeah. It really suggests that she's "good enough" only because of those things. Shite message to send.

It's quite ironic that you don't think the speech is good enough. Sort of illustrates the point really.

🙄
It really doesn’t.
Just because a woman / someone doesn’t like or hurray for something woman has wrote / done, doesn’t mean it’s proving a poitn or anti-women.
That’s ridiculous and based on nothing.

To drop that in the middle of a bubblegum
pink blockbuster? I think that’s pretty radical.

There were tears in my eyes, and I’m an old boiler of 48, well versed in plenty of feminist theory.

Right before this though, Barbie was saying she's not pretty anymore and that you can either be brainwashed (by the patriarchy) or you can be ugly, there is no in-between. She was also saying that she's not smart and that she's not a president or a Nobel prize winner or anything special, she's just stereotypical Barbie. The speech about the contradictory expectations of women was a response to that and it also challenged that attitude that there is only one way to be a "real" feminist and that women who are pretty/not smart/mothers are excluded from it.

Womenhood = motherhood wasn't the message of the film at all

If you don’t mind me asking op how old are you? Because as a 43-year-old woman yeah I’ve heard all of that before but for an 18-year-old or 16-year-old or a 20-year-old I think he’s kind of messages are great!

In fact the very opener of the film challenges motherhood = womanhood as there is a monologue by Helen Mirren about how the only dolls were baby dolls so that little girls could practice being mothers but Barbie tipped that on its head by showing them that they could be more than that if they wanted.

I thought it was too long, too whiney and preachy. I did agree with it but there's no point preaching to the converted. People who really needed to get the message (younger kids and sexists) needed something shorter wittier and punchier to engage with. Otherwise their eyes just glaze over and ears stop listening!

It's everything that's wrong with what passes for "feminism" in pop culture. Vacuous rubbish. Yanbu

After she finished i literally thought ...and breathe. Halfway through the rant I just lost what she was even saying couldn't keep up.

Now reading it written down I feel a bit mixed about it.

The part about dont talk about your children too much, but in reality if your meeting up with someone on in a conversation with people you should adapt it. If I meet my single child free friends, sitting and only talking about my child is rude but if I was meeting another mum it would be okay to talk about my child more.

I don’t deny what you’ve said, but AIBU is the definition of contrarianism - it’s probably the worst place to go to for empathetic or well-meaning support. Literally any other board on here is better.

I think this defeatism is part of the problem, for me. The speech sidesteps some of the ways in which (I feel) women are actually getting better at supporting each other. Having had another baby in the last year, a lot of messaging my way - from other mothers, health workers, baby groups - has been: of course you don’t have feel grateful all the time, it’s totally normal to not ‘love’ your baby straight away, you don’t need to feel guilty, forget the housework, relax your expectations etc

I appreciate that not everyone is privileged enough to be surrounded by affirming voices, but it’s one of the reasons it just didn’t resonate with me.

And yes, love your children but don’t talk about them endlessly sounds to me like a perfectly reasonable, healthy expectation.

for PP: I’m 35

I did too. The writing isn't sharp. I have genuinely read better writing from women on here.

The speech is not that great

but that is OK - not everything has to be perfect

and if it gets everyone talking about feminism and recognizing the existence of the patriarchy, that is great.

so go Barbie

The problem starts with the first line. It’s not “literally impossible” to be a woman - you just have to be an adult human female.

All the rest of it is just societal bullshit which I actually think the speech serves to enforce and embed. it’s very passive - “life is hard because of x y z. Sigh. Life is just so hard and there’s nothing we can do about it”.

if it was aiming for impact maybe it would say that being thin has nothing to do with being a worthwhile person. It’s ok to not want to be thin. It’s ok to not be conventionally beautiful. You aren’t responsible for the actions of men.

i really don’t see why this is being held up some great triumph of feminism elsewhere - it’s just listing out misogyny and not challenging it in any meaningful way.

Having had another baby in the last year, a lot of messaging my way - from other mothers, health workers, baby groups - has been: of course you don’t have feel grateful all the time, it’s totally normal to not ‘love’ your baby straight away, you don’t need to feel guilty, forget the housework, relax your expectations etc

PP said that the movie and the message WASN’T about motherhood. So why are you bringing it up again?
Feminism isin’t about being a mom or doing the chores, so why you keep talking about it? And in the relations of a damn Barbie movie?

Err, have you seen the movie? A large part of it about the challenging, emergent relationship between America Ferrera and her daughter Sasha.. Motherhood is absolutely part of the movie’s theme.

And in the speech, we have a line targeted at mothers…

I didn’t enjoy it much really agree with pp who commented on the you’re so smart and beautiful bit - annoying

Really teens in 2023 should automatically be growing up knowing all that but I’m old and don’t know anybody under so maybe they don’t , depressing thought

WeetabixTowels that was hilarious, and brilliant! And far more powerfully expressed than the Barbie equivalent!

It isn’t anything new for old style feminists, but it is bringing it to a whole new audience. A very senior woman at work told me she has to look up “patriarchy” because she’d never heard of it!

Re: the theme of motherhood in Barbie and it’s challenges - it was obvious in some of the clips released before the movie:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OaiYpAvRo_Y&pp=ygUUUmVhZHkgZm9yIGZ1biBiYXJiaWU%3D

This. I thought it was a really good film with an important message - and I was chuckling all the way through as well, it was very funny.

Meh. I liked it 😊

I think it’ll speak to many woman, at least in part, and that’s a good thing.
I’m a grumpy peri woman who stopped giving two many shits many years ago. I don’t feel pressure to be thin. I do though recognise that many women will identify, and these are genuine issues women face

Womenhood = motherhood wasn't the message of the film at all

In fact the very opener of the film challenges motherhood = womanhood as there is a monologue by Helen Mirren about how the only dolls were baby dolls so that little girls could practice being mothers but Barbie tipped that on its head by showing them that they could be more than that if they wanted.

These are the quites I’m going by.
So, either you two watched a different film, or one of you is confussed.

And again:
Woman = motherhood IS patriarchy and misogyny.
And if someone wants to make a pro-women movie/message, it definitely should challenge this old, dusty narrative.