Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Been offered a free holiday club for DD and I feel guilty

83 replies

HolidayClubForSN · 28/07/2023 09:49

It’s the second year in a row she’s been offered it. DD is 9, about to start Year 5. It’s only offered to Key Stage 2 children.

DD has SN and a medical condition both caused by an unknown genetic issue. This causes speech delays, visual tracking issues, working memory and executive functioning issues. She also has muscle and joint issues and is prone to ear and throat infections due to an issue with her nose. She has an EHCP.

She’s generally a happy kid who’s always smiling.

The club is all for children with SN and/or medical issues, the clubs about prompting independence, time away from family, and having fun within your limits. They do craft, sports, and trips out to the park on a mini bus.

It’s completely free for up to 3 days per week per child (or 6 sessions a week, 2 sessions per day 9am-11.30am or 12.30-3.30pm) or you can pay £5 per session to use more than that. Lunch is included.

It’s all provided by the council.

I’ve asked school multiple times why DD qualifies and I just get “she meets the criteria, take it she’ll love it”. It’s actually really good, DD says she gets a choice of lunch or she can always ask me to provide her with one, she’s made friends who have similar diagnosis’ to her and the staff are amazing and so understanding – there’s no panic when DD disappears under the table at lunch (she’s not the only one) or if DD says she doesn’t want to do anything they just say that’s ok and to tell them if she changes her mind. She then sits quietly watching or doing a quiet activitiy inside. They also have a quiet hour at pick up times (so around12-1pm and then 3-4pm) where they sit and do quiet activities with the radio or cartoons on the TV.

But DD is the only one in her whole year from her school who goes. Last year there was a boy from her school from an older year (and we’ve seen him since he went to Secondary) but no-one else from her school even goes.

I can’t find what the criteria for an invite is as there’s DC in DDs class on EHCPs that don’t get the invite. There’s one child whose mum is insisting her DC has some form of SN telling me its unfair that DD “gets everything for free” and it makes me feel bad that DD gets this every year. I can’t say the girl has SN but the mum seems frustrated that no-ones listening to her and yet here DD is with an EHCP for what the school describe as “mild but complex medical needs” – my own DD doesn’t have 1-1 apart from for changing for PE (she does this in another room) and moving around the building, academically she’s delayed but not massively (working at End of Year 3 level in everything apart from PE where she’s end of Year 1 level).

DD doesn’t use her full 3 days a week, usually she goes on 2 set days a week then I give her a random day or so if I think she’ll like the activities. We also go on holiday for a week so she probably only uses 24-26 of her 36 allocated sessions (and the council don’t force you to use them at all you can just say no thank you). So I feel even worse that DC who might benefit from it don’t get to go.

Talk me down? DD absolutely loves going, her speech improves everytime she goes, she’s gaining confidence being away from me, she gets to try sports or activities she’d never normally get to and I don’t pay a penny for it. Yet here I am feeling DD shouldn’t have it as there’s more deserving DCs. I've been told she'll get the invite for as long as it's running until she turns 12 (so once she's finished Year 7 and done that summer she'll stop getting offered it).

Does anyone know the criteria for these types of things? If I could find it I could work out why DD qualifies and explain that to others. As it stands I just have to say "I don't know why she gets to go".

OP posts:
KleineDracheKokosnuss · 28/07/2023 13:32

She qualifies, she enjoys it, and it actively helps her.

Fortify your backbone and send your DD. The other mother’s uninformed views are not your issue.

Shopper727 · 28/07/2023 13:34

At the end of the day if she’s entitled to it use it, it’s sounds amazing and I’m sure other parents wouldn’t feel guilty if it was their child. I have a child I’d love to be able to do that sort of camp, he wouldn’t go but would so benefit so if you can use it then do so and amazing that is offered for your daughter.

MRex · 28/07/2023 13:56

Your DD benefits, so it's good that she goes. If someone else wants it then pass on the club leader's details. It's nobody else's business what your DD does or doesn't get, and you really need to stop thinking about their adult jealousy as a priority over your DD's welfare. They can sort out their own DC with clubs.

ohsuzannah · 28/07/2023 14:04

Why worry? It sounds great! I wish this sort of thing had been around when dd was young!

FeigningConcern · 28/07/2023 15:07

Jesus your poor DC has it hard enough. Just take whatever support is on offer. Your job is to look after and advocate for your DC. Having done it that's more than enough to worry about. Let the school and other parents worry about the other children and what they are or are not entitled to.

HolidayClubForSN · 28/07/2023 16:02

So I emailed the club just to find out why DD qualifies, I did say I didn’t need to know about anyone else

Reply was

“Hi HolidayClubForSN,
All of the children that come to (club name) during the summer holidays have some form of co-ordination or processing issues. All children are recommended to join the club by either their headteacher or the Specialist and Educational Needs and Disabilities leader at their school (if this person is different to the Headteacher). We do not limit places per school but recommend larger schools do not send more than 8 children from across Key Stage 2. All children need to be able to eat

The criteria (DDs name) falls under is:

“Must be in Years 4, 5, 6, 7 or 8 in the academic year 2023/2024 and have one of the following:

Have an Education and Health or Care Plan (sometimes called an EHCP) or Funded Individual Learning or Health Plan (sometimes called an IEP or IHP) – we do not cater for unfunded IEPs

Co-ordination issue that causes processing or other difficulties where the child can access the activity or sport offered with minimal support but may need longer time or explanations which cannot be offered by a regular childcare club

Speech and Language issues for Expressive or Language used for communication/talking only with or without these causing social issues - we cannot cater for children whose main issue is receptive language or where the childs main issue is social skills due to their condition

Has a physical or mental health condition that would greatly benefit from remaining active and sociable over the long summer holidays

Children on specific types of court order including but not limited to Care Orders, Child Arrangements Orders and Placement Orders”

(Headteachers name) from (School name) has been very insistant that (DD) benefits from coming and that she should continue to attend. We love having her, she sits out sometimes but this is allowed within the criteria as long as they do not require 1-1 for that. Thank you for the feedback, it’s great that (DD) appears to love coming as much as we love having her.

Thank you again for the email

Holiday Club Owner”

Basically looks like DD qualifies because of dyspraxia and language processing issues. We also have a CAO. Looks like they don’t cater for autism at all. Find it interesting that DDs headteacher thinks she benefits from the club as well, I didn’t know she knew DD all that well as we’re a fairly large primary school (3 form entry) and HT is not the SENCo (SENCo knows DD well though). It does look like though the place was up to the HT, so it’s her that the other parents need to discuss it with not the club itself. I still find it interesting how she qualifies, I wouldn’t have put her in the physical and MH category for example.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 28/07/2023 16:04

Sounds like she deserves it

Great handmaster recommended dd

Topseyt123 · 28/07/2023 17:07

So your DD qualifies for this and actively benefits from it. Enjoys it too.

Keep sending her. Why feel guilty? It is up to you to worry about your own child and leave everyone else to worry about theirs. You sound as though you almost want to give it away! Stop that! You have no reason to think that at all.

Stop worrying about other parents and their children. What they think should be of no consequence to you. Use your space and entitlement to this great club and ignore everyone else.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page