To not forgive my MIL

[BrokeTheDietAgain]

My mum died almost two years ago.

A few weeks before she died, my MIL said something REALLY horrible about her. I didn't react at the time, just changed the subject. But I can't get it out of my head.

Now each time I see MIL I just feel full of rage. I've always been pleasant to her, but recently when I see her I just struggle to be nice and polite. I mean, I am generally polite, but sometimes I'm a bit off because I just can't forgive. She probably doesn't even remember what she said

I'm seeing her this weekend. I just can't face it. I just don't like her, and that sense has increased since the last thing she said about my mum before she died was so horrible.

Don't even know what I'm asking! Maybe, how do I let this go?

Wanted to join in and say I'm so sorry for your loss

I actually had a similar situation to you. I called her out on what she said, we had an argument. This was all after I lost my child, she said and did something unforgivable when I was at my most vulnerable.
She has never apologised, and the argument ruined my relationship with my then partner.

If you do confront her about it, take into account the kind of personality she is. Is she likely to be remorseful and apologise to you? Or will it make you feel like you want to wallop her?

but when you do why cause an issue.

I have a very different perspective. Speaking about how a person comments make you feel i.e. hurt isn't causing an issue. Issues are caused by NOT saying how u feel and resentment then builds up. This resentment then shows itself in unhealthier ways

That’s basically what was saying much further upthread, I really wish I had had that conversation and not had all the years of pretence. It’s not good for anyone. Be honest, with yourself and her, you can be polite whilst doing so. I wish I had.

Remember that you're grieving the loss of your mum. Grieving is painful and it definitely made me less tolerant and patient. I also found my relationship with my MIL was harder after losing my mum. It's been over 4 years now since mum died and things have become easier with MIL.

Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be/do anything. It's so hard.

You have two things going on. Firstly your grief for your mum and feeling cheated she's not here (and Mil is); plus the heightened feeling thst you need to be loyal to her memory and not engage with those she disliked or who slighted her.
Secondly you have a MiL you don't like but can usually tolerate.
Unfortunately the two have collided here and caused your antipathy to MiL to increase dramatically.
You may find that in time this will reduce again to a more manageable level. In the meantime I think I'd be making excuses to keep some distance. I don't think there's much to gain by bringing it into the open in all truth. She can't unsay it and she isn't going to have a personality transplant. Nor can it be changed that she and your mum didn't like each other.

I kinda had the same. Its awful. It was 7 years ago now. Your MIL could be bitter about her own life - no excuses. I would say what's on your mind to her or you'll keep it pent up until it becomes ugly to you. That's not saying you have to forget what she said, but on those days when you can't be asked to smile along with her at least she'll know why.
Apologies if this was unhelpful:)

Do what feels right for you and your family - Could you try and mention the comment or is she stroppy and non conversational. I put up with my MIL being difficult and throwing tantrums and one day she told my husband I had been investigated by social services for neglecting my children - by then I'd been with her son for 30+ years and we not only had 4 children but were Foster parents - that was it I was done and from that time apart from occasional bumping into her and at a funeral I had no contact nor my children with her (both her and my children were given full blessing to continue with contact) she chose not to. She upped and moved 400 miles and never even told us. We were the happiest we'd ever been - a good healthy relationship is worth more than putting up with toxic and I have made my children promise to always talk through everything and not let stuff fester.