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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

what do you do with a nine/ten month old? Feel I have got things very wrong

60 replies

nurseryworri · 27/07/2023 07:59

I am basically alone with our baby (partner in forces). I try to go out once a day to the shops for a browse, the park etc and I do see friends but obviously they mostly want to chat and the baby is just held and distracted with a toy.

An example of my morning… wake up, baby has breakfast. Goes in jumperoo for 20 mins while I make and eat my own food. I sit on my phone a bit with a coffee while he’s in it. (I know, it’s bad, I just feel alone a lot and need some sort of adult connection).

Then we read a couple of books and play in the play pen. I am waiting for his milk time and nap. I just sit with him really as he doesn’t give that much back, just messing with things. Then he has a nap. Then in the afternoon we will go out so he’s in the car a lot and then if we are out and about on a walk etc I do chat to him but also looking at things in the shops etc and he doesn’t have much one to one attention. Then back for dinner, story and bed etc.

I can be quite engaging with him but the other day he was laughing his head off and I realised I am not making enough effort for that to happen. It takes a lot of energy. I just try to get through the days successfully. That sounds like I am depressed but I don’t think I am, things are just busy, so I like to maintain a steady time. But it’s obvious I am not making enough effort. He will go to nursery in a few weeks and I feel guilty about that too!

What do you do with your baby?!

OP posts:

Hufflepods · 27/07/2023 08:07

I generally did one social thing every day and planned my day around that so then the time at home was enjoyable and not monotonous. Mine did 2 naps at 9 months and I would plan for 1 to be in the cot and 1 to be in the pram in the way to/home from somewhere so my day wasn’t too op scheduled around sleep.
One day we maybe did a stay and play followed by a walk and a coffee with some mums from the group, and the next day a baby class or picnic in the park with other babies, the day after maybe a pub lunch and small wine with my antenatal group while the babies played together on a mat.
At 9 months mine was walking so she just loved doing that at home so I just sort of chilled and watched her. She wasn’t into things like the jumperoo or being read to at that age.

MoonLion · 27/07/2023 08:12

Can you go to a couple of baby groups if finances allow? My DC used to love tumble tots and a local music class. Also toddler group which is often very cheap - just lots of toys etc laid out in a church hall or similar, but a nice change from home and a chance for you to chat to other parents.

Squiblet · 27/07/2023 08:16

You sound like you're doing just fine. You play with him, talk to him, read to him ... that's all really good. You don't have to be a constant source of entertainment. It's good for your DS to have some time in the pushchair to just sit and watch the world go by.

Once he starts nursery, he will get a lot of stimulation and everything will change - so you just have to keep being responsive to his needs.

Daffodilsandbees · 27/07/2023 08:18

I know exactly what you mean. I’m at home with my second, 5 months old. If you make an effort he’ll laugh beautifully but I often get to the end of the day and realise I haven’t really looked him in the face much as I’m simply functioning / doing housework / holding him. I think it’s completely normal but also get the Mum guilt

Overthebow · 27/07/2023 08:20

I didn’t get to do much with mine at that age because of covid, but I’m pregnant with my second and plan to take them to baby groups and at 9/10 months when they can crawl go to soft plays and the play park. Also swimming from a few months old.

GabriellaMontez · 27/07/2023 08:20

You're doing fine. Wandering around the shops chatting to him is one to one!!

What about a group? Then you get to talk to other adults. Also any funny songs? They love them.

TropicalTrama · 27/07/2023 08:21

I think it’s a funny in between age where they’re really alert but not mobile enough to really need activities planned especially for them. Honestly I say enjoy being able to cart them around while you mostly do what you want because it will not last for very much longer! And you’re reading to him, chatting to him, it all sounds fine.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 27/07/2023 08:22

Don’t have to do things constantly but playgroups, soft play, swimming, park: ducks/ swings- all help fill the time. I didn’t need mum friends but I did need human contact so even if it was small talk with another parent in a ball pit it kept me sane.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/07/2023 08:23

I took my LO to baby classes. Just once a week and she loved it. Then we would make sure we got our every single day even just to the shops or for a costa. I would suggest going swimming once a week too. So that's two days filled up with a baby class & a swim! X

Bells3032 · 27/07/2023 08:23

Classes were definately a savour for me. and i have to say my friends whose kids went to classes were more confident and social when they started nursery. If money is tight then look at local libraries and community centres as they often run shorter ones. I always tried to make sure i did something social once a day - generally met friends who had kids etc or family members who would happily play with baby whilst i got some bits and pieces done. if they're crawling then soft play is great or swimming lessons.

I did find that age probably the most boring - they were old enough that i had to do something with them but not old enough to do much.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 27/07/2023 08:24

Bells3032 · 27/07/2023 08:23

I did find that age probably the most boring - they were old enough that i had to do something with them but not old enough to do much.

Also agree with this. Soft play was great at that age. X

Bells3032 · 27/07/2023 08:26

*free not shorter. not sure where shorter came from. I'm tired lol

continentallentil · 27/07/2023 08:28

You are doing ok!

Try to get to some baby groups - music and things like that. And try and schedule a couple of times when you really focus on him - 30 mins books in the morning as you are doing and then 30 mins playing in the afternoon say, which could be taking him to the park when the weather allows.

You don’t need to endlessly entertain him constantly.

Nursery sounds good.

RoseMartha · 27/07/2023 08:35

From September try and find a toddler group or two, you can go to each week.

Sometimes libraries run a song time once a week for little ones.

This will help you build up a network where you can meet other parents like yourself and your baby can meet other babies.

When you have some friends this can develop so you have play dates and each others homes or you have someone to talk to at the park.

It is daunting attending a group for the first time and sometimes you have to go to a few before you feel you have found one where you feel comfortable.

There are also things to do like parents and baby swimming classes or baby gym classes or soft play or kiddi town places.
Or membership for a local attraction like a zoo or farm etc.

Mrkipplingslice · 27/07/2023 08:42

You haven’t got things very wrong at all - please don’t be so hard on yourself. It sounds like every day your dc gets time to play and go outside to see the world which is great. I often take dd 9 months to the local children’s centre which has free/very cheap groups, to the park with other mums/babies and sometimes to baby cinema which she enjoys. Other than that we do very similar to you!

givemushypeasachance · 27/07/2023 08:49

Is he sitting up/crawling yet? Once he's more mobile you'll probably find he's more "engaging" because you'll be following him around and he'll be moving over to explore things.

If you feel you should be arranging more purposeful activities, just google activities for a X month old and the internet will supply you with a million and one ideas ranging from taking a few saucepans and wooden spoons out for them to bang together to sensory play involving food dyed spaghetti. But there's nothing wrong with singing some nursery rhymes, putting some music on and dancing while they watch you, peekabo!

Tygertiger · 27/07/2023 08:51

I worked on the “three things” principle which someone else told me to do, and worked well. You basically try and tick these off each day:

leave the house - could be to the supermarket (chatting to them in the trolley about what you’re buying is lovely interaction) or just a walk in the park, or even just in the garden for a bit and let them squish leaves, pick up twigs etc.
read a story to them. Doesn’t have to be at bedtime if baby is more responsive earlier in the day.
do one more thing where baby has your undivided attention. Give them a bath and splash them/play with bath toys, do some drawing with them (yours is still a bit young), play with their toys with them for a bit.

If you’ve ticked off the list, you know baby has had good interaction with you and it is find for them to sit in their high chair for a bit and watch you cook or wash up. Also, my babies’ favourite things at that age were ordinary household objects. I could sit and have a coffee in peace just by plonking them on the floor with the spatula and wooden spoons!

It’s a tough age as you feel the pressure to entertain them but at the same time you don’t get as much back from them - in a few months it gets easier.

Mariposista · 27/07/2023 08:54

Back at work and DC is in nursery. Has saved our sanity.
At weekends family time, swimming, church, coffee out, park etc.

HollyBookBlue · 27/07/2023 08:56

I use to feel like I wasn't putting enough effort in too, that I wasn't energetic/playful/smiley/ enthusiastic enough... But I looked back at old videos of myself with DD and can see I wasn't like that at all, just the opposite. It was just me being very hard on myself.

Why not set your phone up to record yourself with your DC, try to forget it's there and see if you are as flat as you're thinking

MittensForKittens123 · 27/07/2023 09:02

I have an 11 month old, and I know what you mean! As others have said above I try and have an activity of the day eg rhyme time at the library. I also use Pinterest for ideas for activities at home - simple things like masking tape over a tray of toy balls. It gives an activity that isn’t just playing with the same toys over and over!

Ozgirl75 · 27/07/2023 09:04

It sounds like you’re doing great!
When my boys were that age, we also liked swimming once a week, just splashing around in the baby pool and being swooshed around. I also took mine to one of those baby “music” classes where they wave noisy things around etc. Mainly for me but they seemed to like it too.
We also went to playgroup and I would go and spend time with other friends from that group. I needed the human interaction, I used to hate being stuck at home.
Soft play was also brilliant - we used to go in the afternoon and it tended to mean a good night’s sleep.
But as long as you’re chatting, interacting etc, that’s all they need. Don’t compare yourself to other people.

JMSA · 27/07/2023 09:06

Flipping heck woman, you're doing great!

Goldbar · 27/07/2023 09:07

It sounds like you're doing fine.

Similar-age baby. I try to have "song time" and "story time" a few times a day, just for 5-10 minutes at a time. That way, although they're not doing much and have limited interest, there are at least some moments when they have my full attention. Even at 9-10 months, I find that babies really enjoy an action song (wheels on the bus etc.) if you ham it up with silly faces etc. For stories, we have a cuddle and "read" a few books, usually ones with noises or different textures, which my baby likes. Apart from that, we do a baby swim class and a music class each week which my baby enjoys, and they're becoming more mobile so soft play/gym-type classes will hopefully be an option.

When I'm cooking or doing chores in the kitchen, I put the baby in a high chair with a toy and "narrate" what I'm doing. "And now Mummy is opening the dishwasher... One spoon, two spoons, all spoons in the drawer". It's boring as anything (and I think even the baby is bored sometimes 😂) . We also go out lots - shops, to visit friends etc. My baby likes being out and about and looking round. Now the weather is nicer, I try to meet people in parks and places where they're not just being held but can have a bit of a crawl or roll on the grass.

Hollyppp · 27/07/2023 09:08

When my son was that age I went to playgroup once a week and then saw other mums for play dates where the babies played on the floor with toys (nothing better that some new toys at other peoples houses!) also play cafes and sensory classes (we did one called hart beeps).
i think you’re doing okay but it does sound a little in stimulating to me (but I did have a high needs child who wasn’t happen to just do chilled stuff)

Hazelnuttella · 27/07/2023 09:09

I found maternity leave really lonely and boring. You’re doing all the right things.

I found it much more rewarding once my DS was a bit older, developed his personality and started being really good company. A few months after he turned 1 it started to get much more fun.

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