what do you do with a nine/ten month old? Feel I have got things very wrong

[nurseryworri]

I am basically alone with our baby (partner in forces). I try to go out once a day to the shops for a browse, the park etc and I do see friends but obviously they mostly want to chat and the baby is just held and distracted with a toy.

An example of my morning… wake up, baby has breakfast. Goes in jumperoo for 20 mins while I make and eat my own food. I sit on my phone a bit with a coffee while he’s in it. (I know, it’s bad, I just feel alone a lot and need some sort of adult connection).

Then we read a couple of books and play in the play pen. I am waiting for his milk time and nap. I just sit with him really as he doesn’t give that much back, just messing with things. Then he has a nap. Then in the afternoon we will go out so he’s in the car a lot and then if we are out and about on a walk etc I do chat to him but also looking at things in the shops etc and he doesn’t have much one to one attention. Then back for dinner, story and bed etc.

I can be quite engaging with him but the other day he was laughing his head off and I realised I am not making enough effort for that to happen. It takes a lot of energy. I just try to get through the days successfully. That sounds like I am depressed but I don’t think I am, things are just busy, so I like to maintain a steady time. But it’s obvious I am not making enough effort. He will go to nursery in a few weeks and I feel guilty about that too!

What do you do with your baby?!

Ps lots of mums really appreciate baby classes but I personally hated them, hated the over the top cheeriness and noise, hated the overwhelming number of other babies and so did my dd. Dd would just look around in horror, scramble into my lap and insist on being breastfed throughout the session (her way back then of signalling she wanted to withdraw from an activity).

You could try some classes and you might love them but they're definitely not for everyone.

I think it sounds fine, what you're doing, but one thing I'd suggest is more reading. My baby LOVED being read to - I was surprised as they obviously can't understand much of the story at that age, but the whole experience can be so enjoyable for them regardless. So don't feel restricted to boring board books - try a Julia Donaldson or something else fun and rhymey that you can enjoy too - even if it's meant for 4 year olds a baby can still get a surprising amount of joy out of it! Sometimes so much so that they rip the pages with enthusiasm... So maybe stay away from library books to start with!

(Also, don't worry if your DS doesn't go for it, they are all different after all, but it's worth a try!)

Sorry, I see you did mention storytime throughout the day - that will teach me for skim reading!

Baby groups.
Every day:
Short episodes of tickle or peekaboo play.
Short episodes of singing or nursery rhymes.
Short episodes of book sharing (just a few books, repeated).
A walk.
Narrate your day (not all the time, but chat to him as you put a wash on)
Plenty of quiet time/ downtime is fine, provided you are interacting regularly.

Baby classes 😊 My local library has a Baby Rhyme Time with singing, rhymes and books. My DC loved it. 9 months is a great age to take them. It was lovely to sit with other mums and babies and my DC was fascinated and loved the songs.

Swimming in your local pool is good too and lots of fun. Most hold a Baby and Toddler session but I just went during the day when it suited me. It also has the obvious added benefit of getting your baby used to water.

Local play park. Baby can watch other children playing and also have a go in the baby swing and some other stuff with you holding them. Mine loved the seesaw (I just bounced gently on it, holding them).

At home I also did some musical activities - giving baby a wooden spoon to bang on saucepans, using shakers from the ELC (I bought a set that also had coloured beads and stuff in them). A baby paddling pool is good when it’s warm. Baby just loved to kick and splash in it outside.

Nursery rhymes and games - I did a lot of singing and rhymes and clapping games, which baby really enjoyed. I also played with them by doing Peekaboo, making funny faces, putting a hat on and putting one on baby too. DC used to shriek with laughter.

Mine are older now (10 & 13) but they
loved rhyme time at the local library which was a great way to meet other mums.

We go to the park, farm, library, play group, wacky warehouse.....we play on the floor with toys, sing, painting, colouring.....does baby not try for more interaction?

Sounds like you're doing great! It's so hard when you're doing all of the work to then also be 'fun and entertaining'.

As a single parent I find making meal times sociable and bonding time quite nice. We've always just eaten the same thing at the same time (did BLW with him), which is efficient time wise (don't have to feed them first, then yourself) cuts down on shopping and prep time, and also is great at making sure you eat too (otherwise can end up being forgotten!). I only once made a specific baby recipe - pin wheels, they were meh, he picked at them, I never bothered again. Same with puree, just never bothered.

And when they get a bit older you can get them involved in cooking etc.

As others have mentioned getting out to a baby group or meet friends in the park can really help lift your mood, which in turn means you'll probably have more energy to interact with the little one.

We don't need to be entertainment machines (that's what Disney dad's are for haha), just get little one involved in everyday life x

I know just how you feel, I have a 9 month old and I regularly run out of ideas (or energy!) to entertain him, particularly if we’re stuck in the house with bad weather and no groups running. It sometimes helps to divide the day into chunks of time and run my own ‘group’ I.e. pinch ideas from baby sensory, rhyme time etc and theme that chunk of time around that. My son’s favourite activities are knocking down towers, peekaboo with scarves, bubbles, singing (especially interactive songs), bouncing and playing with glowing balls and a foil emergency blanket in the dark. It sounds like you’re doing loads already though so I wouldn’t worry about it too much, your baby will be taking it all in and learning just from watching your routine and listening to you chat.

The fact that you are worrying is a sign of being a good mum! It sounds like you are doing great and shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.
Planning to get through the days successfully is absolutely a brilliant thing to do.
My kids are my world but that world can be very repetitive, mundane and involve far too much cleaning! You doing great mumma - keep your chin up x