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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be thought of as old?

137 replies

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:32

I’ve met up with DD’s boyfriend’s mum a couple of times. DD says his mum thinks I’m really nice person but a bit old. I am 52 and she is 44.
It really stung for some reason. Although I am ‘old’ (I’m definitely not young), it was still a shock to hear it spoken plainly.
I don’t think I’m very old fashioned and I’ve always looked young for my age (until now).
AIBU to feel bothered by this?

OP posts:
FrenchandSaunders · 26/07/2023 09:34

How old is your DD! And why would she tell you that .... or most importantly, why would his mum even say that to them! She sounds weird, I'd distance myself, no need to get involved if only a BF

Mamai90 · 26/07/2023 09:35

What a bizarre way to describe someone. Sounds like something a child or teenager would say, not a 44 year old woman describing someone 8 years her elder. 'Nice but old'? She sounds batshit.

bibbityboppityboo · 26/07/2023 09:36

Is she a young 44? I've met people in their 40s and I'm just 30 - I still feel "older" than them when we compare lifestyles 😂 nothing to do with physical age in my experience.

Original poster
PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:37

FrenchandSaunders · 26/07/2023 09:34

How old is your DD! And why would she tell you that .... or most importantly, why would his mum even say that to them! She sounds weird, I'd distance myself, no need to get involved if only a BF

DD is 17. She wouldn’t normally tell me something that would make me uncomfortable. I think it just came about due to the conversation we were having.

OP posts:
BrendaMcPherson · 26/07/2023 09:40

Has she been 44 and you'd been in your 70s, I could understand the other mom saying this. But she's only 8 years younger!! What a dick!

PinkIcedCream · 26/07/2023 09:40

My DH is old.

He is older than me by a few years but I’m only think of him as old because he likes music that two decades earlier than my preferred music. 😂 Maybe that’s all it is?

Sugarplumfury · 26/07/2023 09:40

Sounds like she defines old rather differently to the majority of people. 54 is not old.

YANBU to feel bothered, because that’s how you feel, but I would try hard to see this as not personal and just a the rather unusual idea of what ‘a bit old’ is.

cakecoffeecakecoffee · 26/07/2023 09:41

It’s a weird comment to make! Did she expect DD to have a younger mum??

DH and I are older than a lot of DDs friends parents , but we’re not “old” as such. I might understand a kid saying that out loud but not an adult.

Original poster
PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:41

bibbityboppityboo · 26/07/2023 09:36

Is she a young 44? I've met people in their 40s and I'm just 30 - I still feel "older" than them when we compare lifestyles 😂 nothing to do with physical age in my experience.

His mum goes to gigs, has youngish interests and does seem more late 30s maybe.
I wouldn't say I’m an old 52, but maybe I appeared that way to her, maybe it was a way of explaining that she and I don’t have a reason to connect apart from having children who are together.

OP posts:
BubziOwl · 26/07/2023 09:41

What a totally bizarre thing for the mum to say to your daughter!!

Maybe she said something a bit different and your daughter has just worded it wrong when relaying it? Maybe the mum said something like she was surprised to find out how old you are (as in, you look younger than you are)?

Topseyt123 · 26/07/2023 09:41

Don't listen to this bollocks.

If she did say that then there will be karma, as before she knows it she will be in her fifties too, and it isn't old.

I will be turning 57 at the end of next month. She'd probably consider me an antique. I don't care though.

You can't let bollocks like this really bother you. We all grow older, even though as young people many of us naively thought for some reason that we never would.😉

NessieMcNessface · 26/07/2023 09:43

It’s hard it know what she means by ‘old’. I think I’d take it as a compliment! She sounds rather immature tbh. I wouldn’t overthink it, just laugh it off and don’t doubt yourself. She may perceive herself as still a ‘young thing’ who has a bit of an issue with the idea of getting older, whereas you may be a bit more mature (appropriately so) in your manner; hence the comment.

Original poster
PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:43

She didn’t say this directly to DD by the way, she’d never do that. She said it in conversation with her son.

OP posts:
Wiccan · 26/07/2023 09:43

Yeah Id distance from it you don't need that type of negativity in your life sounds like shit stirring to me .My DD has been with her partner 10 years and has a child and I have never set eyes on his parents or family .

Original poster
PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:43

NessieMcNessface · 26/07/2023 09:43

It’s hard it know what she means by ‘old’. I think I’d take it as a compliment! She sounds rather immature tbh. I wouldn’t overthink it, just laugh it off and don’t doubt yourself. She may perceive herself as still a ‘young thing’ who has a bit of an issue with the idea of getting older, whereas you may be a bit more mature (appropriately so) in your manner; hence the comment.

Thanks. This makes me feel better.

OP posts:
Wiccan · 26/07/2023 09:45

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:43

She didn’t say this directly to DD by the way, she’d never do that. She said it in conversation with her son.

They never do OP they let there son or daughter do the shit for them .

SusieTrevelyan · 26/07/2023 09:45

Tell your DD not to be a tell tale tit and also tell her boyfriend's mum that you do not appreciate having negative comments made about you behind your back. What is there were more serious issues at hand? What would boyfriend's mother say then? Sticky beak?!

bridgetreilly · 26/07/2023 09:45

You can’t control what other people think about you, and it says more about them than it does about you.

MeinKraft · 26/07/2023 09:45

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:43

She didn’t say this directly to DD by the way, she’d never do that. She said it in conversation with her son.

Sounds like Chinese whispers (is that still what's it's called?)

DontEatCrisps · 26/07/2023 09:47

Very odd thing for her to have said and also a bit odd that your daughter passed it on. You’re as old as you are, what’s to comment on?

BunnyBettChettwynd · 26/07/2023 09:49

PrinceHaz · 26/07/2023 09:43

She didn’t say this directly to DD by the way, she’d never do that. She said it in conversation with her son.

If you've only met her a couple of times how do you know she would never say this directly to your DD?

You don't know her at all really and you don't need to. Don't let this woman influence the way you feel about yourself, her opinion is unimportant.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · 26/07/2023 09:50

Is she trying to be 'the hip young thing' in her son's eyes? It's a mean thing to say but at least you've been given a warning as to what's she like OP.

Campingsuperstar · 26/07/2023 09:50

Come on bro you can’t vibe together, you chillax in legit different wayz. Can’t be no fam with your differing chibes.

and maybe that’s a good thing.

PurpleButterflyWings · 26/07/2023 09:52

Campingsuperstar · 26/07/2023 09:50

Come on bro you can’t vibe together, you chillax in legit different wayz. Can’t be no fam with your differing chibes.

and maybe that’s a good thing.

😂

PurpleButterflyWings · 26/07/2023 09:53

LOL @Campingsuperstar

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