Children should be told to give up their seat on a bus if there's an adult who finds it harder to stand.

[DesolationRow]

I was on a packed bus today with my friend who's in her late seventies. She's not frail but is clearly an older woman who walks quite slowly and hasn't got the best balance. We were going to the seaside and as it's the first day of the school holidays there were lots of families with young children on the bus. Many of the seats were occupied by children from toddlers to early teens and absolutely none of them offered her their seat and their parents neither told them to nor offered their own seats.

Do most people now really think a child should have a seat of their own when there's someone who needs it more? If so, why?

I realise there will be some children with disabilities/ conditions that mean they do need a seat of their own but most preschool children can sit on their parents lap and most children over five can stand for a bus journey can't they?

Absolutely the able bodied kids/teens/adults should stand up for those in need of a seat. My kids have been brought up to show kindness and thoughtfulness to others. They would offer their seats without prompting or without prompting if travelling alone or with their friends. I think it basic manners to stand so that others in need can sit down. It’s difficult sometimes because some need is invisible.

Realistically the best way for children to learn to give up seats for others is if they see the adults around them do the same.

I'd give up my seat on the tube if I noticed someone less able to stand. I could just imagine that if I were a bit knackered and sitting with my young teen I might ask him to stand instead. But the old-fashioned idea that parents should always make young kids stand while they themselves carry on sitting just feels really odd to me.

The only logic I can see is that it's supposed to demonstrate to children that they are less important than adults. A bit like those dog-training theories where you show your dog that it's at the bottom of the family hierarchy. Because it's certainly not based on need - the able-bodied parent is if anything more able to stand than a young child, especially on a bus starting and stopping.

It used to be part of terms of carriage on West mids buses - no child paying half fare should be seated where an adult was standing.
I think people feel so entitled these days - showing kindness and offering a seat or showing your child how show consideration for those less able is the right thing to do

I didn't ask my child to stand. If there was one free seat when he was little I'd put him in it. If someone needed a seat I'd stand. Now as a teen he will stand for an elderly or disabled person, help a parent lift a pram up a step and so on. They don't magically think to do it, but nor do they need to be told, they do what they have seen adults do.

Exactly. They see it as something adults do, and children copy adult behaviour as they want to be seen as more grown up. If they are made to do it as children while adults remain seated then they will think that when they are adults they are entitled to a seat.

But what if the child had a hidden disability ? Did they ever make allowances for that, I wonder?

I have a 6 year old. I would not want him to give up his seat from a safety perspective. I would give up my own if possible, but I also have a baby. So we would not be getting up in all likelihood.

I always sat with my daughter on my lap on public transport however busy or quiet it was when she was small, and then got her to sit on my lap when she was a bit bigger. Once she was too big to comfortably sit on my lap and had a seat to herself, she always offered her seat immediately to an elderly, pregnant, or disabled person and I would have been cross with her if she hadn't done so.

Some dc need more than just looking at what adults do. Some need a nudge or to do things regularly so it becomes second nature. If it was the case that dc always copied adults then we'd never ever halve to tell dc to tidy their rooms/brush their teeth/feed the cat/do their homework/wipe the table down etc.

6yr olds do need to sit if possible but not 8yr olds. I think 8 and up is perfectly reasonable to stand up and yes it may be old fashioned but I do think dc should stand instead of adults. Children have much more energy than adults.

In any case it's no skin off my nose. I haven't caught the bus in over a decade. I'm happy that I brought my dc up to give up their seats and other, what I consider, basic manners. It's done them well.

I wonder if we are just more safety conscious now? If you have grandchildren, you might be old enough to remember no seatbelts in the back of cars, no requirements for car seats etc. Whereas people with young kids now are used to making every precaution when travelling. It feels unsafe to have no seatbelt on a bus, let alone standing!

Too far the other way, as always.
Somewhere in the middle would be nice.

Some dc need more than just looking at what adults do. Some need a nudge or to do things regularly so it becomes second nature. If it was the case that dc always copied adults then we'd never ever halve to tell dc to tidy their rooms/brush their teeth/feed the cat/do their homework/wipe the table down etc.

I think it's about it being a grown up thing that they want to do, brushing teeth isn't, they have to do that at any age whether they want to or not. Young children do want to do 'homework' like older siblings, they do want to be trusted to feed the cat. If they see standing for others as something children are made to do but adults don't have to, then they are not naturally going to be interested.

Would you give up your seat for a small child, or their parent so they could both sit?

I give up my seat and make DS do the same….but I do also wonder why you would choose to go to the seaside on the first day of the school holidays if you are less able to stand?

Well anyone should.

But ask next time. With a prompt people usually do. Adults or teens before kids though.

Absolutely!

Anyone should offer their seat to someone less able to stand - if it's a child that the parent thinks is too precious to stand, then the parent should offer their own seat.

I agree. I think children used to feel great about themselves that they had helped another person. And by child, I mean 8 and above. The more you do it, the more automatic it becomes.

We travelled on busses frequently when I was a child and if any adult was standing I was always told to give up my seat. Now I'm old and grey I'm still standing ( but not quite old enough to be getting a free buss pass)

See I just wouldn't expect my 7 yo to give up his seat for someone whilst I just sit on my ass.

I always wonder whether to offer fat people a seat. It must be harder to support themselves but it's also usually self inflicted so having to stand gives them an incentive to lose weight.

It may have already been said but I am not going to reread through again to find out but what if the person standing gets insulted they were offered a seat

"AIBU someone on the bus offered me a seat now I am being judged as they think I am in need of a seat I am now crying my eyes out from the judgement"

Not everyone wants to be offered a seat so would it not be better to ask if you need a seat?

some people get offended at someone holding the door open or offer or help in other ways

I just think it's unfair to judge anyone not offering a seat. Ask if anyone would be able to stand if you see someone who needs a seat. But don't assume, with adults or children.

I generally have no problem putting myself out for other people - I'll pay fares, help with luggage, swap seats for groups etc. But I am slow to offer a seat - standing is invisibly very painful for me and will affect me for a couple of days afterwards. I was the same as a child and just assumed that standing was like that for everyone. I have learned to - very occasionally - ask the carriage at large if I really need to sit down. Nobody would know I needed a seat otherwise.

Getting kids to stand just feels like imposing a hierarchy to me.

And it puts the onus on person to take a seat when they may have no wanted one in the first place?

Person gets on, parent say to child 'get up that person needs to sit down' does the person actually want too?