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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH laughed at DD falling over

55 replies

Rainbowfruitpunch · 25/07/2023 22:04

Today my DD (3) was running along calling for DH when she knocked into a bin and hit her face and fell. She was really upset and I comforted her, we both did, and explained to her that we all fall over, and DH said he does it a lot and it was a good thing that the bin didn’t have a sharp edge. All dealt with and fine, doesn’t appear to have left a mark.

Later at dinner, DH told the story to his brother and was laughing while DD was sitting right there. I saw her suddenly turn subdued as though she was ashamed and it just left me feeling awful. I shot him a look and he stopped but had already recounted, so too late. It felt mean because she’d hurt herself at the time, and she’d done it to try and catch up with him.

He said he told her later at bedtime that he was sorry he laughed, he didn’t mean to, and it’s just him sharing stories because he’s proud of her and she makes him laugh so much.

AIBU to still feel upset about it, and seeing her sweet little face embarrassed for the first time, by her own parent, in front of her whole family? I’d never find it remotely funny that she fell, let alone recount the tale later to make her the laughing stock :(

OP posts:
sweatynoob · 25/07/2023 22:06

Id say yea Yabu. I doubt she is hugely damaged from this and while it isn’t great im not sure the dramatics are needed ie you feeling upset.

7Worfs · 25/07/2023 22:07

He was wrong, but sounds like he apologised and will be more mindful in the future.
I’d have been very annoyed too, but it’s time to simmer down and move on.

Flickersy · 25/07/2023 22:08

It doesn't sound like he intended to upset her. As long as she understands he's sorry, but also that there's no need to be embarrassed by things like that - learning not to take yourself too seriously and laugh at silly things you do is a pretty good life skill.

cariadlet · 25/07/2023 22:09

He was a bit insensitive but didn't realise that she would be upset, stopped when he saw your look and later explained and apologised.

I think that's fine.

jannier · 25/07/2023 22:09

It's normal to laugh if you had both laughed with her it would help her

JorisBonson · 25/07/2023 22:09

Being able to laugh at yourself and any (minor) mishaps you get into is part of life surely?

sweatynoob · 25/07/2023 22:10

JorisBonson · 25/07/2023 22:09

Being able to laugh at yourself and any (minor) mishaps you get into is part of life surely?

This 🙌

Rainbowfruitpunch · 25/07/2023 22:11

Good points, I’ve always taken myself so seriously, DH laughs at himself a lot too. Probably a healthier attitude.

OP posts:
calmcoco · 25/07/2023 22:12

JorisBonson · 25/07/2023 22:09

Being able to laugh at yourself and any (minor) mishaps you get into is part of life surely?

But she wasn't laughing at herself, someone else was laughing at her.

It's not the end of world but it's not kind.

JorisBonson · 25/07/2023 22:13

calmcoco · 25/07/2023 22:12

But she wasn't laughing at herself, someone else was laughing at her.

It's not the end of world but it's not kind.

People have been laughing at other people falling over since the dawn of time. How many millions used to tune in to You've Been Framed on a Saturday night to watch people falling over / off stuff?

MeinKraft · 25/07/2023 22:19

My family still laugh about the time I fell out of the attic 30 years ago 🙄 families embarrass each other, tease each other, hurt each others feelings - it all builds resilience when it's done gently, in a loving family.

StephanieSuperpowers · 25/07/2023 22:19

I think endorsing the idea that people aren't going to laugh and your trivial mishaps and you should feel upset and embarrassed is setting her up for a hard life.

Flickersy · 25/07/2023 22:19

calmcoco · 25/07/2023 22:12

But she wasn't laughing at herself, someone else was laughing at her.

It's not the end of world but it's not kind.

Its not laughing at her though, it's laughing about a silly thing that happened. We've no end of "oh do you remember when X did Y" funny stories in our family. No-one is embarrassed or ashamed by them, because we're not laughing at them as a person. The best one is when I was very small I managed to knock my dad off balance (he was leaning over tying his shoe) and he went head-first into a rather pungent ditch. It was one of his favourite dinner party stories...

Rainbowfruitpunch · 25/07/2023 22:29

Though I wasn’t endorsing that she should feel upset, just noticing that she did. If she were laughing I’d be right with her, although the whole slapstick thing doesn’t really amuse me so maybe that makes it harder for me to get on board with

OP posts:
MollysBrolly · 25/07/2023 22:30

He said sorry to get. Move on.

saraclara · 25/07/2023 22:39

My late husband and I were very anti teasing, but in hindsight it was a mistake. I think our kids would have been more resilient and more able to deal with mistakes if we'd been more lighthearted and tease-y.

My DH's cousin was a big tease (and a very warm person) and after the initial shock at being teased, our kids weren't bothered by it at all and were very fond of him. And his kids (they're all now adults) are the bouncy and confident members of the extended family..

So yes, I'd have responded like you, OP, but now I think that as long as it's done with love and warmth (and preferably directly to the child, not via other people as happened in your case) it's okay. The mistake here was laughing at rather than with. But he apologised to her, and I don't think shell be scarred for life.

Jl2014 · 25/07/2023 22:43

What a twat.

Jl2014 · 25/07/2023 22:45

Being able to laugh at yourself is one thing. This comes from confidence in yourself. A very young child feeling the shame and embarrassment of being laughed at by a parent isn’t the same thing.

EmmaEmerald · 25/07/2023 22:46

Jl2014 · 25/07/2023 22:45

Being able to laugh at yourself is one thing. This comes from confidence in yourself. A very young child feeling the shame and embarrassment of being laughed at by a parent isn’t the same thing.

This

KarmaStar · 25/07/2023 22:48

Loosen your hold on those pearls op!

readbooksdrinktea · 25/07/2023 22:50

Jl2014 · 25/07/2023 22:45

Being able to laugh at yourself is one thing. This comes from confidence in yourself. A very young child feeling the shame and embarrassment of being laughed at by a parent isn’t the same thing.

Definitely this.

WandaWonder · 25/07/2023 22:50

My husband and I have both laughed at situations with our child, we have not laughed at them I think there is a difference

Solsticesummer · 25/07/2023 22:51

In my house we would have probably all laughed together, unless of course she was properly hurt. Later over dinner if we’d have laughed again I would have just explained to her what we found funny about it to help her join in. Yes you’re being a snowflake by still being annoyed.

Canisaysomething · 25/07/2023 23:03

Fine to laugh at yourself. Not fine to laugh at others. If it's your first child he's learning and cut him some slack. Come down hard on him if he does it again but it sounds like he didn't mean to humiliate her.

EmmaEmerald · 25/07/2023 23:10

Solsticesummer · 25/07/2023 22:51

In my house we would have probably all laughed together, unless of course she was properly hurt. Later over dinner if we’d have laughed again I would have just explained to her what we found funny about it to help her join in. Yes you’re being a snowflake by still being annoyed.

Can you explain what's funny about it to me please?

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