DH laughed at DD falling over

[Rainbowfruitpunch]

Today my DD (3) was running along calling for DH when she knocked into a bin and hit her face and fell. She was really upset and I comforted her, we both did, and explained to her that we all fall over, and DH said he does it a lot and it was a good thing that the bin didn’t have a sharp edge. All dealt with and fine, doesn’t appear to have left a mark.

Later at dinner, DH told the story to his brother and was laughing while DD was sitting right there. I saw her suddenly turn subdued as though she was ashamed and it just left me feeling awful. I shot him a look and he stopped but had already recounted, so too late. It felt mean because she’d hurt herself at the time, and she’d done it to try and catch up with him.

He said he told her later at bedtime that he was sorry he laughed, he didn’t mean to, and it’s just him sharing stories because he’s proud of her and she makes him laugh so much.

AIBU to still feel upset about it, and seeing her sweet little face embarrassed for the first time, by her own parent, in front of her whole family? I’d never find it remotely funny that she fell, let alone recount the tale later to make her the laughing stock :(

We always laugh later on when the kids hurt themselves. My DH is a good physical comic and does exaggerated impressions that have the kids pissing themselves laughing. They are resilient kids, and not dwelling on injuries and having a good chuckle at yourself is healthy IMO.

Agree

We have a rule in our family you are allowed to laugh at these things after you have checked the person is ok. Once calmed down we quite enjoy laughing about a fall now and again.

She didnt join in/wasnt included in the laughing so not ideal, but he has apologised she wont be too upset.

YANBU. It is not okay for parents to mock their children, especially not in front of them, and that is exactly what he did.

My parents and older brother did exactly the same sort of crap to me as a child. I still remember it and it had a permanent impact on my personality. I am very, very reserved and never do anything spontaneously because of the fear of being mocked and the extreme self-consciousness their behaviour created in me. The first instance I remember happened when I was three and I recall every detail of it, including the attempted apology which did nothing to erase the event.

Speak to him about it and if he ever does it again, come down on him like a tonne of bricks.

Children have a sense of dignity - and teaching them to 'laugh at themselves' and 'not take themselves too seriously' can backfire, especially if the child is sensitive.

One danger is that they will not develop a sense of what is okay and what isn't in terms of how they are treated. Because if your own parents mock you, then it must be okay. Mustn't it?

They need to know that their parents have their back - always.

That it's never okay to laugh at anyone.

That to be sensitive is a good thing.

That there's gentle teasing and cruel teasing. That it's okay to stand up for yourself - and others.

None of this precludes developing resilience. Indeed, knowing that your parents are your emotional safe haven helps you to develop confidence.

OP, you did the right thing. You stood up for your daughter, and you set a good example. Be proud.

@WhichEllie Agree.

This. It's not as if he does it all the time.

Maybe he was saying the bin made a loud BOIIIIING noise which was funny?

Maybe he was describing it a bit like Tom and Jerry, when they run into things and leave a mouse-shaped splat?

Who the fuck knows.

Eh…you’re over reacting.

I think its important to laugh...my daughter was messing around in asda last week, slid over and landed on the floor on her back, and we were both almost crying from laughter. As were the observers. She wasn't embarrassed and laughed again retelling the story to her Nan

I think it was a bit mean and I'd have given him the same look had I been you OP.

I know this is slightly different but I have an awful habit of laughing at inappropriate times. The worst is when DD falls or is crying and I laugh, I actually don't find if funny, I think it's a nervous thing but I always feel incredibly guilty that she's trying to convey something to me and I start laughing. I hate that I do it.

I know you saw a moment of her "being subdued", but I really think you are overthinking it, especially as he has explained to her, and in a nice way too. I've got four, and they have ALL done many a similar thing, multiple times, and as long as everyone is really kind and understanding at the time, when the hurt is there, then it often makes for a story later on, with the child concerned who has got over it, gets gentle joshing from siblings / family, and quite often revels in the re-telling too. Resilience in children is really important. Also what do you want to realistically happen, you cannot undo the slip on the floor, you cannot undo the story re-tell, you have made your feelings known, your OH did not act as if he found it "funny" when she fell, and will probably be a bit more sensitive in the future for the re-telling. She will have forgotten it by tomorrow. In the nicest way, so should you - just try and move on from it xx

As someone who endured years of being laughed at by family which left me feeling ashamed and embarrassed. I think it's fantastic you stood up for your lo. It sounds like your dh responded well too. I hate this 'it's just a joke' mentality at other's expense. It's only a joke if the recipient is laughing.

I do it too. It’s definitely a nervous thing. I used to be a horse riding instructor and laughed when a little girl fell off . Turned out she had broken her arm!😱 (I was helping her and being nice despite giggling, I think they knew I wasn’t actually laughing!)

Thanks for everyone’s comments. On reflection I’m still thinking not great, but also that there’s probably a difference between mocking something personal about a child - like voice or the way they walk, and laughing about something like falling over.

I don’t think it builds resilience though. I think resilience is built from being allowed to experience and process difficult emotions and making your way to the other side

Exactly this…otherwise results in snowflakes

I think that snowflakes are caused by a kind of snowplow parenting where parents try and remove any difficulties and challenges from their children’s paths to make their lives as easy as possible.

Not by parents who don’t take the piss out of their children…

Spot on. I can see mine doing this - he’s got what I think of as a rather sick sense of humour. He’d have regretted it later though.

I would’ve felt the same visceral upset on her behalf as you, OP.

But - he made a mistake. And it sounds like he recognises it.

We all make mistakes! Even you. That’s OK.

It was a little mean to recount the event with laughter while the girl was present.
But for some reason people find others falling over funny.

There will be harder things in the girl's life!

The key thing is that she was embarrassed by it.

Well done for calling him out on it.

Sad that so many people don’t see how damaging this type of behaviour can be if unchecked.

AIBU to still feel upset about it, and seeing her sweet little face embarrassed for the first time, by her own parent, in front of her whole family? I’d never find it remotely funny that she fell, let alone recount the tale later to make her the laughing stock :(

This just seems needlessly melodramatic to me. Do you have friends, OP? Close family? If one of them ribbed you about something, what would your reaction be, out of interest?

Anyway, he apologised. Is there something additional you’d like to happen?

So what is it exactly that you want now OP?

Kids falling over is funny

This. My ten year old grandson loves what I call 'silly videos' of people falling over and bumping into things.