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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband so mean when I’m ill

73 replies

littlestrawberryhat · 25/07/2023 20:31

Just wanted to vent this here as I’m feeling very upset and hurt. I was diagnosed with shingles a week ago, it’s been a week of on and off excruciating pain, not being able to sleep, really irritated and sore rashy skin and now the blisters are healing it’s both incredibly itchy and tender at the same time. It’s been hellish and I don’t get much time to rest as we have a 2 year old at home. Today I woke up feeling completely drained, chills, aching joints and tired to my bones. I spent the day sleeping and trying to do some work from home. I’m guessing it’s still the virus taking it out of me.
I do dinner bath and bed as husband isn’t home yet. Crawl back into my bed once toddler is asleep. Husband comes crashing into the house at about 7.30, muttering and mumbling, banging things in the kitchen and then I hear “arrogant bitch doesn’t even come and say hello”. This gets my back up and it turns into a bit of a row. He has not apologised yet.
the thing that hurts most is if he was unwell the first thing I’d do if I saw he wasn’t downstairs is go upstairs and give him a cuddle and ask if he needed anything.
he’s had a bad day at the office but nothing major. I just can’t cope with it anymore. Whenever there’s a bit of stress in his life this happens.

OP posts:
Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 25/07/2023 20:33

Fucking arsehole.
He has serious contempt for you.

Shingles is awful, poor you.
Id rip him a new one

squirelnutkin11 · 25/07/2023 20:35

I'd leave, vile man.

So sorry op l hope you start to improve soon shingle is horrible...

Get well then leave

DinoMummsy · 25/07/2023 20:37

Yanbu. He sounds like a selfish cunt. Hope you get a better sleep tonight and start to feel better soon. And maybe let rip a big bare-arsed fart right onto his pillow - he can then have some well deserved pink-eye and zero sympathy 😉

Maraudingmarauders · 25/07/2023 20:40

If my DH called me an arrogant bitch under ANY circumstance I'd be walking away, and I don't say that lightly.
You say it caused a row, but if it was anything other than "how DARE you" then he's got off too lightly.

Catusrusty · 25/07/2023 20:41

No way would I stay with someone who called me an arrogant bitch. Especially not when I was very unwell.

Your reaction to a loved one being ill is the normal one. If they didn't come to greet you, it would be absolutely normal to check on them.

His is not normal, sorry but it sounds like he has married wanting a 'mum of the house' rather than someone he really loves. Lots of men do it, they want the support and comfort and child bearing abilities of a woman, but they don't actually love that woman or even really think of her as a real person. At the moment, you are just a malfunctioning appliance I'm afraid to say.

Shoxfordian · 25/07/2023 20:42

Looks like he missed the in sickness and in health part of being married

MrsR87 · 25/07/2023 20:44

He sounds horrible. Shingles is awful anyway but any illness feels a million times worse when you’ve got a toddler to look after.

We’re currently battling flu/fever/ chills here and when it was just me who had it, hubby was getting up with the our baby and toddler and working from the kitchen table while they had breakfast etc (so lucky he can do that) so I could have some extra sleep and also doing most of the cooking etc. Now we both have it, we’re tag teaming and helping each other out…that’s what husbands and wives should do! I don’t say this often on here but I really think you need to question the relationship. How someone acts towards you when you’re unwell is a good indicator of their true personality.

Topjoe19 · 25/07/2023 20:44

Wow what a bastard. Shingles is absolutely awful, my DSis was hospitalised she was so poorly. I'd never forgive that comment.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 25/07/2023 21:05

Topjoe19 · 25/07/2023 20:44

Wow what a bastard. Shingles is absolutely awful, my DSis was hospitalised she was so poorly. I'd never forgive that comment.

I agree. People show their true colours when the other partner is going through a hard time. He sounds very narcissistic.

As a pp has said, I don't say leave him lightly, but you have told us enough- this will only get worse and he's not someone you want to grow old with

porridgeisbae · 25/07/2023 21:07

That's verbal abuse OP and neglectful/ inconsiderate of his spouse. Not OK xx

FriendsDrinkBook · 25/07/2023 21:11

Leave him. The way people treat you when you're vulnerable tells you all you need to know.

Bodybop · 25/07/2023 21:12

Arrogant bitch?

Jeez get away from him asap

BMW6 · 25/07/2023 21:14

Why on earth are you with such a foul person? Why are you exposing your child to such a toxic atmosphere?

MalcolmTuckerIsMySpiritAnimal · 25/07/2023 21:15

So sorry you’re so poorly OP - shingles is horrendous.

Your P is a cunt and if he called me that whilst I was in pain ( I have a chronic pain condition so I can say this freely ) I’d wipe the fucking floor with the prick as soon as I could.

When you’re at your most vulnerable, that’s when people show you who they really are - listen to that instinct and start thinking about where this relationshit is heading once you’re recovered.

Oh, and when he’s next ill? Fuck him. I’m petty as fuck like that nowadays though.

Feel better soon 💕

mrsbyers · 25/07/2023 21:18

That’s absolutely disgusting , my husband doesn’t fawn over me when I’m sick but I just like my own space - if I heard him saying that I would be furious , is this typical
of his attitude to you or very out of character ?

Pancakeorcrepe · 25/07/2023 21:31

He is absolutely vile!!
Shingles is awful, I hope you feel better soon.

Thoughtful2355 · 25/07/2023 21:32

When Im sick with a simple headache my husband will make me a drink and ask if I want a massage anywhere.. because I love them, that's what love is. You feel empathy for someone you love when they are sick and you want to care for them... Not call them names.

Allthings · 26/07/2023 07:43

His behaviour is ghastly and not that of a caring partner.

As a side issue why on earth are you trying to work from home. You are sick with something that is really nasty. You need to be off sick to allow yourself to recover without putting additional pressure on yourself.

barbarahunter · 26/07/2023 07:47

What is your DH usually like? Does he often insult you? I hope you start to feel better soon.

Campingsuperstar · 26/07/2023 07:50

God I thought you would describe a bit of a winge not this contemptuous monster. This man is no partner. I wouldn’t be with someone who didn’t have my back. He will never be there for you when you need him.

Campingsuperstar · 26/07/2023 07:52

Hoping you heal from the shingles and him. Have you got support to go through this in real life? I can’t believe this is his only flaw:(

Beargrumps22 · 26/07/2023 07:52

tell him to go and do one he is one selfish bastard I know shingles is horrid; my gran had it when she had a stroke, mum had it when having chemo and my daughter had it when pregnant which was scary as she like me had lost so many babies I cannot think of anything more painful and coping with a toddler too is horrible to have to do hope you feel better soon 🌹

RaidFlySpray · 26/07/2023 07:53

OP this is really really horrible. I read on here about a lot of bellends, but the venom it takes to think like he does, and say those words... It's more than just unkindness.

Please consider the fact that your DC will grow up thinking that this is a normal way to speak or be spoken to within a relationship. You are their relationship model. I'd get out now.

UnfunnyJester · 26/07/2023 07:54

That is pretty awful. Speaking about his unwell wife like that shows exactly how he feels about you and your place in his life.
A normal partner would check in on how you were and ask if you needed anything.

nimski · 26/07/2023 07:56

Your husband is a dick.

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