Page 32 | Is it really that hard.....? 🤔

StillGotBabyBrain · 2023-07-24T22:23:59+00:00

My family is vegan, not a massive deal. When the school has events, no vegan option, so everyone gets a bbq or food catered and we don't. Not even a dairy free alternative for hot drinks! (Primary school, high school is better). When they go for sleepovers I get worried parents asking me what should they do, can I provide food and drinks for them... Pubs and restaurants barely cater for adults let alone add options for the kids menu. Went to a choir meeting the other week, nothing I could eat from the food included in my ticket price. Am I being unreasonable thinking it's really not that difficult to provide bread and houmous or vegetable dishes? They're suitable for everyone, so isn't a waste of food! Blows my mind.

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 10:49

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 10:43

Mine is all grown up but it was 8 or 9 years of hospitals and operations. It isn't easy is it. The thing I hated most was people telling me things like children were dying in a famine somewhere. I could hardly cope with the pain of my child's suffering, expecting me to take on the sorrow of thousands and thousands of others wasn't something I could cope with. We all have our limits and sometimes we are holding on by our fingernails.

Good luck, I hope the hospital are able to help. I hated going to the hospital but after 9 years I actually cried when he was discharged and I said goodbye to the people who had helped him.

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I understand. Sometimes you only have the emotional energy to deal with what is going on with your own child, and nothing more to give. You can always find someone worse off than yourself but it's a mistake to invalidate suffering because of it. Especially when people don't know what the current issue is piled on top of.

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 10:54

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 10:49

I understand. Sometimes you only have the emotional energy to deal with what is going on with your own child, and nothing more to give. You can always find someone worse off than yourself but it's a mistake to invalidate suffering because of it. Especially when people don't know what the current issue is piled on top of.

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Exactly and isn't it bizarre to think that you are going to feel more cheerful about everything by thinking about thousands and thousands of children starving to death. Thankfully most people seemed to understand and my employers were so supportive and that was a real blessing.

CheekyHobson · 27/07/2023 10:54

I love the way you’re basing your opinion on one vegan

That's about the average number of vegans most people know.

Jumpingthruhoops · 27/07/2023 11:25

GHxx · 24/07/2023 23:57

I’m a vegetarian (have been all my life) but I hate the fact it’s 2023 and I’m still having to act like it’s a massive favour for me to actually be able to eat something when I go places. My number one pet hate over and above the lack of actual stuff I can eat is that when there is anything veggie at maybe a family bbq, friend’s house etc it is guaranteed to always be rammed up against meat on the same plate if it’s a buffet set up. Why if I don’t eat meat would I want to eat small pieces of meat or have meat juices all over my dinner? 🙈 I take things with me to everything I go to to make it simple but usually they’re cast aside and not used. It gives me so much anxiety! I went to my now husband’s family’s house for the first time for a bbq when we were first together and they had got corn on the cobs, veggie burgers etc but proceeded to cook them on the same bbq touching all the meat. I was having to politely smile and say thanks while frantically wondering how to get out of the situation without seeming rude!

I went to an afternoon tea hen do the other week that you had to pay to attend for an afternoon tea. I was happy to pay and knew there would most likely be nothing I could actually eat at it but would pay my money and say nothing. The sister of the bride asked on the group chat if anyone had any dietary requirements and I said veggie but there would be something I could eat. Made it as low key as possible, no extra effort required (but thought surely the place will provide a separate plate of food for me)! There were other people in the chat then making silly requests about exactly how they’d like their scones or sandwich etc which just seems so trivial when they at least could eat something.

Sure enough, turned up for an afternoon tea to be sat down to us all where ham sandwiches rubbed up against anything vegetarian and an announcement was made that there were ‘lots of veggie options there’ 😃 It’s that same awful feeling of not wanting to draw any attention to yourself as you put one piece of crusty bread onto your plate that I have at every buffet I’ve ever been to! Slowly walking back to your seat trying not to make it look like you haven’t been able to eat anything in case you look rude but just assuming ‘oh well, il need to starve again then’ 🤷🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

In these instances, a very 'strict' vegetarian would need to speak up.

Most people hosting wouldn't see a problem with having meat items next to veggie items, just as long as there wasn't meat IN the veggie items.

I'm not sure how you ever feel comfortable 'eating out', having absolutely no idea how the food is being prepared/stored/served.

5128gap · 27/07/2023 11:38

Scotland32 · 27/07/2023 09:15

I shared a flat with a vegan once. Every single time I made an effort to cook for him, he moaned about what I had made. Not the fact that it wasn’t properly vegan (it was!) but that it wasn’t imaginative enough. I’m a decent cook but it obviously didn’t cut it. Now, I wouldn’t even bother. YOU say that ‘even just some veggies are ok’ but I bet many vegans or vegetarians would criticise us carnivores if that was all we provided for them. Hence many of us don’t bother with the effort any longer.

Goodness. Glad you shared that anecdote about one person.
That's certainly put me off flatmates! I had no idea they were all so critical and entitled.

Iolani · 27/07/2023 12:02

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 06:26

Well, my kid is in hospital and seriously ill at the moment. None of the people asking for special dishes at events are bringing me gestures of care (vegan or not, and I am very happy with vegan). Maybe if you haven't lived this life, with this kind of child, you just can't get how what seems like a tiny thing to you is huge for someone else.

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Please show where I said I thought this was a tiny thing.
I didn’t. This is what has been winding OP up, misquoting for personal gain. I don’t even get the gain, this is an anonymous website.
Im sure also all the team looking after your child are doing everything they can.
I hope things for both of you are looking up.

WellPlaced · 27/07/2023 12:34

@Iwasafool They sound like a pain but I don’t base my opinion on you by the 2 office workers who get a McD drive through each lunchtime and fill the office with burger, chips and ketchup smells.

Some vegans are a pain, some aren’t
I just hate this sweeping judgement and generalisation.

Original poster

StillGotBabyBrain · 27/07/2023 13:04

WellPlaced · 27/07/2023 12:34

@Iwasafool They sound like a pain but I don’t base my opinion on you by the 2 office workers who get a McD drive through each lunchtime and fill the office with burger, chips and ketchup smells.

Some vegans are a pain, some aren’t
I just hate this sweeping judgement and generalisation.

Some humans are a pain. In every group of people there will be people who rub the others up the wrong way. As people keep pointing out, vegans are not mainstream so to try and say vegans are this and that, when there is so many traits that are across all humans, is madness.

Before I was a vegan, they used to make me feel a kind of way, I didn't like how they made me feel. I always said I was an animal lover and they highlighted things that I didn't want to acknowledge and accept to be true. I researched things so that I could 'debunk' their words and make myself feel better. It didn't work. I realised they were telling the truth and that I was using my money in ways I no longer wanted to.

I tried the whole 'ethical meat' prior to that, would only buy meat from our butcher who is county renowned. But when I had to get their data sheets for our cafe when we used them as a supplier, I realised that it wasn't all it seemed, the meat was heavily treated and from farms that are intensive! Went vegetarian after that, then looked into dairy and eggs, realised that they are some of the cruelest industries there are, so stooped that. The kids and husband were still cracking on with non vegan items. But they watched me, husband then looked into health implications and then he decided he didn't want to keep eating animal products which has helped him with his body immensely. The kids just didn't want to hurt animals.

And yes @Iolani that is what is frustrating. Assumptions make an ass of you and I.

For all of those suggesting I join the PTA, I already am the chair of our parish council which is like a job in itself, and I do voluntary educational speaking in schools, plus I work, have kids and a life. I do provide them vegan cakes at their bake sales and they are always all sold and compliments galore! ☺️

OP posts:

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 13:14

WellPlaced · 27/07/2023 12:34

@Iwasafool They sound like a pain but I don’t base my opinion on you by the 2 office workers who get a McD drive through each lunchtime and fill the office with burger, chips and ketchup smells.

Some vegans are a pain, some aren’t
I just hate this sweeping judgement and generalisation.

Where did I generalise? I specifically said how lovely my sons ex was, always happy with food that we provided, no faux horror that someone has milk in their tea. Maybe you missed that bit?

What I have said if you have only come across vegans who are a pain, like my other son's partner and the two people I worked with, you will obviously form an opinion of vegans based on your own experience.

It's a bit different with meat eaters because whether you like it or not we are in the majority and it is highly unlikely that the 2 who have a McD every day are the only vegans you know, much more likely that other people I worked with only knew those two vegans.

The faux horror is really funny when you know they have been meat eaters for most of their lives, the Hindu members of staff who had never eaten meat never seemed to feel the need to put on a performance.

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 13:17

Only meat eaters not only vegans you know.

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 13:28

StillGotBabyBrain · 27/07/2023 13:04

Some humans are a pain. In every group of people there will be people who rub the others up the wrong way. As people keep pointing out, vegans are not mainstream so to try and say vegans are this and that, when there is so many traits that are across all humans, is madness.

Before I was a vegan, they used to make me feel a kind of way, I didn't like how they made me feel. I always said I was an animal lover and they highlighted things that I didn't want to acknowledge and accept to be true. I researched things so that I could 'debunk' their words and make myself feel better. It didn't work. I realised they were telling the truth and that I was using my money in ways I no longer wanted to.

I tried the whole 'ethical meat' prior to that, would only buy meat from our butcher who is county renowned. But when I had to get their data sheets for our cafe when we used them as a supplier, I realised that it wasn't all it seemed, the meat was heavily treated and from farms that are intensive! Went vegetarian after that, then looked into dairy and eggs, realised that they are some of the cruelest industries there are, so stooped that. The kids and husband were still cracking on with non vegan items. But they watched me, husband then looked into health implications and then he decided he didn't want to keep eating animal products which has helped him with his body immensely. The kids just didn't want to hurt animals.

And yes @Iolani that is what is frustrating. Assumptions make an ass of you and I.

For all of those suggesting I join the PTA, I already am the chair of our parish council which is like a job in itself, and I do voluntary educational speaking in schools, plus I work, have kids and a life. I do provide them vegan cakes at their bake sales and they are always all sold and compliments galore! ☺️

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How do you feel when people who aren't involved in the parish council criticise what you do? Do you ever think that if they think you aren't doing it right they could have a go themselves?

pinkstripeycat · 27/07/2023 14:06

WannaBeRecluse · 24/07/2023 23:41
It's not hard, but not everyone has the knowledge of how to do things vegan. It also depends on the vegan. Some don't even want carrots chopped with a knife that's touched animal products in the past. I'd find that too much. But if that's not you, it's not hard at all.

Thats unhygienic anyway. I wouldn’t want my veg cut with a knife that’s touched a piece of meat

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 14:37

pinkstripeycat · 27/07/2023 14:06

WannaBeRecluse · 24/07/2023 23:41
It's not hard, but not everyone has the knowledge of how to do things vegan. It also depends on the vegan. Some don't even want carrots chopped with a knife that's touched animal products in the past. I'd find that too much. But if that's not you, it's not hard at all.

Thats unhygienic anyway. I wouldn’t want my veg cut with a knife that’s touched a piece of meat

I think WannaBeRecluse is referring to a washed knife not a knife dripping in blood that has just cut up a rare steak.

mandlerparr · 27/07/2023 14:56

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 06:28

I don't think I'm even going to be able to see my way to making dinner for my own family tonight, let alone catering anything or adding special dishes.

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So, they are going to starve? Or are they going to have some bread and jam? Maybe a banana? Pop a potato in the microwave? I am assuming you don't have small children being left to fend for themselves. If you are getting takeout, then most places cook potatoes in vegetable oil, with no meat products. any vegetables can be ordered plain. I really don't see the issue. Sure, it is a pain to cater to special diets all the time, but every once in a while is not a big deal.

Original poster

StillGotBabyBrain · 27/07/2023 14:56

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 13:28

How do you feel when people who aren't involved in the parish council criticise what you do? Do you ever think that if they think you aren't doing it right they could have a go themselves?

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I listen because that's my role. I'm there to serve the parish, thats what I volunteered for. Without feedback, we will never improve our offer.

OP posts:

pinkyredrose · 27/07/2023 15:44

Nosleepforthismum · 25/07/2023 06:41

My DH’s best friend is vegan and although I adore him, I always have a little internal “for fucks sake” moment when I hear he’s coming to a barbecue because it means I’ve now got to buy all extra stuff -vegan burgers, vegan sausages, vegan bread, vegan salad dressing, vegan butter and then I’ve got to keep the remainder of the vegan stuff in my fridge or freezer as he’ll have one burger and one sausage out of the pack of six. And yes, I know that I could just make most of the barbecue vegan and avoid having to double the work and double the cost but I’m then pissed off because I actually want to have toasted brioche burger buns, crispy bacon and feta in the salad, real mayo in the coleslaw and corn on the cob drenched in real butter. So I double up and make the version I want plus a vegan option. I can see why people don’t like it because it is costly and a hassle if the majority being catered for are not vegan.

Sleepovers - yeah, I can see why parents would panic. If your kid wanted a pizza party sleepover, you would feel like the shittest person in the world giving pizza and cake to most of the kids and vegetables and hummus to the vegan child.

Surely when he comes for a bbq you can then put the remainder of the burgers etc in the freezer, then they're there ready for the next few Bbq's.

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 17:52

StillGotBabyBrain · 27/07/2023 14:56

I listen because that's my role. I'm there to serve the parish, thats what I volunteered for. Without feedback, we will never improve our offer.

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So if someone comes on here and does a critique of how you get it wrong you think that is fair and you never think they should have a go?

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 17:55

mandlerparr · 27/07/2023 14:56

So, they are going to starve? Or are they going to have some bread and jam? Maybe a banana? Pop a potato in the microwave? I am assuming you don't have small children being left to fend for themselves. If you are getting takeout, then most places cook potatoes in vegetable oil, with no meat products. any vegetables can be ordered plain. I really don't see the issue. Sure, it is a pain to cater to special diets all the time, but every once in a while is not a big deal.

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Or maybe her husband/partner will cook or maybe her children are old enough to cook either way maybe you'd see the issue if your child was in hospital.

mandlerparr · 27/07/2023 19:01

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 17:55

Or maybe her husband/partner will cook or maybe her children are old enough to cook either way maybe you'd see the issue if your child was in hospital.

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So why would you be entertaining people while your child is in the hospital. if vegan family or friends were over to help, I am sure they would get their own food and not expect any of you to prepare something. If they don't, drop them. If you signed up for something, I am sure that everyone would understand. If not, blast them on here and everywhere else.

Original poster

StillGotBabyBrain · 27/07/2023 20:29

Iwasafool · 27/07/2023 17:52

So if someone comes on here and does a critique of how you get it wrong you think that is fair and you never think they should have a go?

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I think you must assume that I have not already spoken to the PTA, they went as far as to make sure they had vegan sweets at the last fair which we were pleased about, although everyone else wanted them so we onky had one each... But still a fully meat bbq and many of the prizes on the stalls were unsuitable for us, so we didn't spend money on them.

I wouldn't be in the position I am in now if I didn't want to listen to people and try to improve what we do. I don't suggest everyone joins the PC because I look for people with specific skill sets to join us.

OP posts:

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 21:46

Iolani · 27/07/2023 12:02

Please show where I said I thought this was a tiny thing.
I didn’t. This is what has been winding OP up, misquoting for personal gain. I don’t even get the gain, this is an anonymous website.
Im sure also all the team looking after your child are doing everything they can.
I hope things for both of you are looking up.

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Some people have said or implied that it's not hard (see thread title) or a tiny thing (the exact word tiny is my own). I totally get why they might think that, and no doubt it's usually not a big deal. All I'm trying to point out is that, for some people that extra ten or fifteen minutes might add more than they can or are willing to give. My only point is that it adds to what is asked of people who might have a day or time in their life where that little bit is more than they can give. If people can't understand that, lucky them.

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 21:50

mandlerparr · 27/07/2023 14:56

So, they are going to starve? Or are they going to have some bread and jam? Maybe a banana? Pop a potato in the microwave? I am assuming you don't have small children being left to fend for themselves. If you are getting takeout, then most places cook potatoes in vegetable oil, with no meat products. any vegetables can be ordered plain. I really don't see the issue. Sure, it is a pain to cater to special diets all the time, but every once in a while is not a big deal.

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I was going to get take out but DH cooked. I'm glad you don't understand why it can feel like a big deal for some people. If you're lucky, it will stay that way your whole life.

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 21:54

mandlerparr · 27/07/2023 19:01

So why would you be entertaining people while your child is in the hospital. if vegan family or friends were over to help, I am sure they would get their own food and not expect any of you to prepare something. If they don't, drop them. If you signed up for something, I am sure that everyone would understand. If not, blast them on here and everywhere else.

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If you have adults staying with you it's reasonable for them to be empathetic and take care of themselves if things change. It's much easier to cater for guests staying over than the main focus of this thread, which is a community event. Catering for a few vs. catering for maybe 50-100. I'm feeling more and more like the whole 'everyone brings a plate of food' arrangement is the best one. Then no-one can complain and everyone has something that works for them, as well as spreading the work.

Iolani · 27/07/2023 22:02

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 21:46

Some people have said or implied that it's not hard (see thread title) or a tiny thing (the exact word tiny is my own). I totally get why they might think that, and no doubt it's usually not a big deal. All I'm trying to point out is that, for some people that extra ten or fifteen minutes might add more than they can or are willing to give. My only point is that it adds to what is asked of people who might have a day or time in their life where that little bit is more than they can give. If people can't understand that, lucky them.

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Absolutely agree with you. People should only have to do what they feel comfortable with. If that is nothing so be it.

However.
Your post to me specifically said
“ you just can’t get what seems like a tiny thing to you……”.

Some people may have said or implied it, possibly, I’m not going back to check, but I didn’t.
It’s extremely upsetting ( even in an anonymous capacity) to have my posts misquoted or twisted.

mandlerparr · 27/07/2023 22:17

WannaBeRecluse · 27/07/2023 21:54

If you have adults staying with you it's reasonable for them to be empathetic and take care of themselves if things change. It's much easier to cater for guests staying over than the main focus of this thread, which is a community event. Catering for a few vs. catering for maybe 50-100. I'm feeling more and more like the whole 'everyone brings a plate of food' arrangement is the best one. Then no-one can complain and everyone has something that works for them, as well as spreading the work.

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Must be a cultural thing, because every community thing I have ever been to has always been lots of people bringing stuff. Never has it been up to one person. And you sign up for what you are going to bring and these days there is usually a vegan option and a gluten free option. And if you can't handle it, don't sign up and if some emergency happens, call off.