To return to MN after a decade & think it’s changed a lot

[ExNorfolk]

Do you think MN has changed in the last decade?

Observations: to me it seems that people are more stressed, more aggressive & quicker to judge, and less tolerant and supportive. Possibly more right wing. Users maybe older? 45-55 instead of 35-45 (which would make sense if it’s the same users a decade on)
These are generalisations. I’ve lurked and read about 100 threads in different forums. AIBU was always a bit of a brawl. But the general rise in snark seems to me to be more widespread.
(yes, I know I don’t have to post here, and could go somewhere else). I am just interested to know your experience

Everyone has either a narcissistic MIL or a narcissistic DM. Or both.

Oh God, I remember the cliques.

I'm very concerned about there being so many threads where someone has ASD/looking for an ASD diagnosis.
I'm very concerned at the number of posters who think that their children have ARFID.
So, only feeding chicken nuggets and plain pasta as 'safe foods.'

What the hell did parents do before?

And anxiety is the total cop out when a thread doesn't go someone's way.

I have been around for a while now, and I have observed two things which caused big changes.
Firstly, covid caused a noticeable increase in anxiety & hysteria, not just about the pandemic but about other relatively trivial things too.
Secondly, trans issues, which has caused political radicalism and a breakdown in the previously overwhelming progressive consensus among posters. Not a bad thing, in my view.

@MereDintofPandiculation how can I forget the narcissistic mil!! The one who isn't allowed to hold the baby or ever come stay with the family!

There is definitely a stereotype on here !

I don’t know about the age range, I’m actually sensing quite young in places, especially advice on parenting toddlers! (Just happened to see two threads where ten years ago the advice would have been to no way let them away with something, now is very much to explore their feelings and let them go with the flow)

It used to feel friendlier. There were often funny threads that weren’t just posters trying to impress with their witty banter, but everyone joining in. I particularly remember a thread where people were challenged to photo the ugliest object in their house.

Some of it might be because I’m at a different life stage. When I was really struggling with a newborn twelve years ago, I found such kindness and support on here. That hopefully still exists but I have no reason to visit those parts of the site so am not aware of it.

I joined up when I was expecting DS1 a decade ago.It's definately not a site I would recommend for struggling new mums looking for advice anymore. You would always get straight, honest advice on here but now it just seems unfriendly and almost a bit anti new parent, eg the pregnant on public transport thread recently.

Ps the feminism boards are a bit scary, Id stay away!!!

It definitely doesn’t have the humour it used to have.

You dare crack a joke round here and people start crying like babies and behave very bizarrely. I made one light joke about how tough it is to get a rescue dog because of all the restrictions that rescue centre place on adopters - to be told I must be pro-puppy farm breeding and hate dogs 🙄

I’d consider myself a progressive and a feminist but I stay away from the Gender Critical posts completely. I have a totally different view to the prevailing one here. Obviously no need nowadays to use the tiny baby stage fora. I guess I am wishing for the olden days (sorry missed the other thread as wasn’t on here) because it would be helpful and interesting to hear from other women/parents not just about parenting but to have intelligent chats about current affairs, TV, life issues etc etc that have a U.K. bias.

Yes it’s changed massively.

I only contribute to threads where I can share my expertise. Each time I get called names, get asked for my qualifications and generally shouted down.

Definitely more right-wing and less compassionate. Then you have the lift weights low carb brigade, those who think they are 20 years than their actual age (deluded), so much anxiety and refusing to open the door and then the middle class wannabes. Apart from that business as usual...

I've been here on and off for 25 years plus .
It definitely was a kinder place before
I rarely start threads or even reply now as everything turns into a bun fight with so many vitriolic posters who can pick a fight over nothing .
So many suspicious, amateur detectives as well. I posted a perfectly reasonable scenario to ask for advice and had loads of posters telling me that couldn't possibly have happened and a certain shop i mentioned didn't exist etc, it's truely odd.
Yes there were cliques but I think as well with less posters and less name changes you felt you knew people and it was more supportive.
There are only a few names I recognise these days on a regular basis , either because they post very helpful threads or because you can rely on them to pick a fight and derail a thread and your heart sinks when they appear.

I’m not sure about more right wing. Labour gets a lot of support on here and that seems more obvious than early days

People used to wave to each other on threads and only answer other regulars which was irritating

Probably more argumentative

Other than that all good, I prefer it now tbh

@MereDintofPandiculation yes , everything has to have a label- sometimes people are none of these things, they are simply being a good old fashioned 'twat' or are just tight as a ducksarse or a plain areshole 'at that time'

Thanks for all the replies, interesting to hear people’s opinions.

Am wondering if there is some other place you’d recommend to hang out?
Looking for news, chat, non-right wing takes on current affairs, plus gardening, music, film/TV, parenting, hobbies, allotment/gardening, history, science ….from a U.K. perspective? Where the vibe is not aggressive/pugnacious.

(Don’t live in the U.K. right now but will likely be back in the next couple of years and would like to slide back into being up to speed on U.K. life. Still read the Guardian most days)

I agree. I was around 10-15 years ago and it was very cliquey and snooty. I think this is a bit of rose-tinted nostalgia for polite little MC enclaves where people aren’t challenged by diverse views from other people who don’t have the benefit of privileged, comfortable lives.

Sigh. I don’t think this is rose tinted privileged nostalgia for polite little MC enclaves. I remember MN being a place where people would offer real help, whether that was some MN readers driving to a disabled users home to help her tackle her kitchen which had got out of control messy because she and her husband were clinically depressed,
or helping people budget and meal plan who were struggling,
or offering help getting government support for family members with disabilities
or dealing with bosses who were unreasonable
or helping people find all sorts of other assistance - moral support, or practical, legal,
offering a refuge or a lift when someone was fleeing violence
income or class were not the issue

people really were just helpful and there were some very knowledgeable people here

as well as the board just being generally kind and funny a lot of the time. I had a baby who wouldn’t sleep or settle and was on here all day and night at the time for two years.

Anyway, I’m now trying to find somewhere else UK oriented that works like MN was ant its best and wondering if people have any ideas? Twitter used to be great but Musk and all his trolls are ruining it.

I keep trying to point out on AIBU that any views expressed on here are not necessarily those of the people posting them.
If you believe just ten per cent of what you read on here you’re a gullible fool.
It’s just a place to while away the time.
Time isn’t wasted when it’s being whiled away. I do it often.
😉😁😁😁

Some of this stuff still happens to a point but the internet has changed a lot since the early 2000s. More people use it and tech has advanced a lot.

People have learned that giving too much of yourself on the internet is not always a great idea. Hence lots of name changing.

Also the more people using the internet and sites like MN the higher the risk of people not being who they say they are, making stuff up to troll or just being outright scammers. This makes people more wary and probably less inclined to give the benefit of the doubt.

As someone above said there will be a lot more men on here now (and not admitting it)than we probably imagine.

MN will have changed but it's not necessarily a MN specific phenomena. It's probably the inevitable conclusion of most of the world being online 24/7 carrying the internet in their pockets.

I have seen kindness and personal offers of help recently. I also sense a heightened testing of posters but I think that’s around being cautious of authenticity. People were more trusting online 10 years ago but the world moves on and MN has got so much bigger and more inclusive. It’s bound to change really… 🤷🏻‍♀️

I took a long break and have found that it’s a LOT less funny and I don’t ‘recognise’ posters anymore.
That’s not all bad as it’s less cliquey but the level of debate doesn’t seem to be as intelligent IMHO.

I feel a lot less tempted to open most threads in active now. Its like I already know how they are going to go...I think I've just read all of mumsnet now.

The MN gardening board is kind and supportive.

Not at all like the usenet gardening forum I inhabited years ago which was the most vicious place I've seen, far worse than AIBU

I have noticed far more pro-anorexia and also anti-choice posts. The abortion threads totally lack any critical discussion and are just full of the same serial offenders shouting KILLING BABIES. Very frustrating because there’s limited posts and it’s so important that these issues are discussed