I’m getting married in a few months and my mum and my partners parents have helped towards some of the costs. I got made redundant the day after finding out I was pregnant after years of TTC, so money has been tight (we’d already paid deposits etc, so cancelling wasn’t an option)
My Dad refused to help contribute and said we should have done the wedding cheaper (we have got EVERYTHING for 75 guests and all dresses & extras for under £10k) and he told my Mum no, he won’t be helping as he had nothing spare. Then he’s just spent over £10k on building a summer house that his wife wanted.
I personally didn’t expect my Dad to contribute as he hasn’t since he met his wife when I was 17.
She hates me and my sibling, always has. We were never unpleasant to her. I was actually really excited when my Dad met her and tried my best to befriend her, but she did her best to make sure I was pushed out. Things like telling me I needed to give my dads house keys back as it was no longer my house and she didn’t want me walking in to hers and her kids home. My brother still lived there initially and she charged him rent and would allow him one shelf in the fridge for him to buy his own food (he was 18yrs old, finishing college) and also used to lie to my Dad that my brother was being horrible to her when my Dad wasn’t there (my bro is literally one of the kindest, most gentle people you could ever meet) They eventually moved away and made it clear my brother had to find somewhere else to live as he wasn’t welcome.
Basically, there was loads of stuff that she and my Dad did over the years which is material for another post! My Dad and I have since had a very strained relationship. He would go no contact for several months and ignore my attempts at communicating, then suddenly reach out again. So it’s been difficult, but I’ve always tried to keep the door open as he’s my Dad and he wasn’t always like this.
I asked my stepsister to be a bridesmaid as I’m not punishing her because her mother has an issue with me. My stepsister is 15yrs old and a lovely kid. I’ve bought her dress and shoes and she was due to come up and try it on. My Dad announced he’d be bringing his wife to my home and that I’d need to make sure my dog wasn’t in the house as she’s unwell (long term chronic condition) and he doesn’t want my dog bothering her. This woman hates my guts, she’s only coming to make me uncomfortable in my own home! (I see my Dad once every few years and she either comes with him or will ring him constantly whilst I’m with him.)
I’ll be 20 weeks pregnant when they come up, neither of them have once asked about the baby either. I sent him a scan pic and he ignored it completely and when my Mum messaged him about it, he basically said he wasn’t arsed. His wife did leave a bitchy comment on my Facebook announcement post! I just don’t think I should be hosting someone who hates me, when I’m feeling particularly vulnerable, in my own home.
I said I won’t be making sure my dog is locked up or out of the house and if his wife is that unwell, he shouldn’t be bringing her and I can just post the dress for my stepsister to try on.
He said “well if your Dog is more important then I understand” and that I’m ruining things for my stepsister as she doesn’t have much family and I need make sure I’m there for her as he won’t be travelling up without his wife.
Now I feel guilty about my stepsister as she was looking forward to seeing me. It’s not my fault that he and his wife chose to cut out all of their families and isolate themselves, but I feel he’s making me out to be unreasonable. But now I feel like I’m punishing her because I can’t suck up hosting his wife for a few hours.
Am I being unreasonable here?