AIBU to never speak to my family

[wholefoodgrain]

Ex turned up at my family's house demanding to see DS (13)- and that he has treats for him-we have an injunction against him. My mother told me to open the door to him, I said "no", my brother ignored me, and went ahead to open the door. Now he, my brother, and DS have gone out somewhere.

I have had four run-ins with him (asking when he can see DS) and I believe I'm being stalked. He calls me when I've just arrived or left the house. He calls me at midnight and asks DS, who am I with. I believe my ex lives around the area.

I've told him dad that he has to see DS supervised (due to my safety). Now because I have no back vibe of a family, DS's dad is going to turn up whenever and then the BBC abuse is going to happen all over again. Fuck my life.

You live with your family?

so he is not allowed to see your son?

Your family are twats op.

What was DS’s take on it all?

I am guessing he went willingly rather than in a head lock?

Yes I live with family.

DS went willingly with my brother.

Unfortunately it sounds like your family either doesn't get or doesn't care how your ex treated you. So, I think the only way that you can deal with this is to establish your own boundaries and that includes with your own family. If they carry on like that, then they don't get to see you or your children.

When they start to tow the party line, then access can resume.

I can’t imagine how horrific the home environment must be for your son

are you able to move out?

“We have an injunction against him”

can you elaborate?

Yes we are moving out. But I believe ex is in the area and will find out where I'm living.

Both you and your ds
or just you?

You are not given injunctions for no reason

i would call the police

then tell you family they are not to open the door to him

He very likely will
as I imagine your DS has a phone
and that he and his father are in communication

Do you have somewhere to move to? Or is this a plan to eventually?

He has physically been assaulting me for the past 10 years. A few years ago, I ended up
In hospital because of him. I got an injunction , and he is not allowed to come anywhere near me, including my home, or my area.

Just myself and DS.

We are going to be moving in three weeks time. I'm doomed anyway.

Call the police. Maybe it will give your family a wake up call too if the police intervene.

Ok so he will find out. Fact.

as presumably your family know, and they will tell him.

and indeed your DS sounds like has has a relationship with him and will message him.

So you need to start planning what you’ll do when he inevitably turns up.

Really there is only one thing. And it isn’t screaming blue murder on your door step.

it’s immediately calling the police

My spidey senses tell me the police will be familiar with this family

I think you need to call the police every time he comes near you. They can't do anything if they don't know. Also, contact Paladin;

https://www.paladinservice.co.uk/

They can advise you about stalking. I don't think it's inevitable that you are doomed, but I think you need more help than you are currently getting. Does your family already know where you are moving to?

Honestly -move away as far as possible. I know it's easy to write this on a forum and I know life isn't that simple, but if there is a possibility that you can move across the country, do it. Contact a domestic abuse charity for advice. I helped someone do this when I worked in HR and she had a very similar situation. She cut off everyone and we moved her secretly one day with the kids to the other end of country. She doesn't use social media anymore and the ex hasn't turned up yet 8 years later. I can't promise it will be the same obviously but it might help. How does DS feel about his dad?.

You need to go no-contact and move away with your son. Your child's safety and your safety are paramount, and if your family can't/don't want to understand that you need to get away. In the meantime, call the police and tell them he's in violation of the injunction.

Contact a charity, I know YMCA deal with women in the same and similar situations not sure of areas I'm almost sure it's national not just my area.

Contact the police every single time he calls. Doesn't have to be emergency 101 and log it with them so you get a crime number use the same crime number every time he makes any contact or comes near you.

Record him if you can like at your front door today or walking away from the door just anything to show he's at your home.

They are still not back yet.

I think this is my life and I'll just have to get used to it.

My family think I'm overreacting. But I've been telling them that he has been stalking me and is using DS to know of my whereabouts. I don't know what's wrong with them. They have seen him, on a multiple of occasions, abusing me and it's like . That's why my ex does not take my family seriously. That's why he feels he can come up to our family home, any time that he wants and lo and behold. When he gets angry with me, I'm so sure again, he is going to turn up and the abuse is going to happen all over again.

Your ds hasn’t messaged you all day?