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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never speak to my family

56 replies

wholefoodgrain · 23/07/2023 18:32

Ex turned up at my family's house demanding to see DS (13)- and that he has treats for him-we have an injunction against him. My mother told me to open the door to him, I said "no", my brother ignored me, and went ahead to open the door. Now he, my brother, and DS have gone out somewhere.

I have had four run-ins with him (asking when he can see DS) and I believe I'm being stalked. He calls me when I've just arrived or left the house. He calls me at midnight and asks DS, who am I with. I believe my ex lives around the area.

I've told him dad that he has to see DS supervised (due to my safety). Now because I have no back vibe of a family, DS's dad is going to turn up whenever and then the BBC abuse is going to happen all over again. Fuck my life.

OP posts:
thatsnotmylifeitstoocrazy · 23/07/2023 19:12

Call the police

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:13

What was the point of getting the injunction op

if you’re not going to call upon it in a time like this?

just seems a waste of everyone’s time to have got one if you have no intention of actually exercising it

EvilElsa · 23/07/2023 19:13

So DS is not supposed to be with him as he also has an injunction? Call the police.

Flipin · 23/07/2023 19:15

Call the police and get support from a domestic abuse charity. Present to the council and get into a refugee.

Original poster
wholefoodgrain · 23/07/2023 19:17

EvilElsa · 23/07/2023 19:13

So DS is not supposed to be with him as he also has an injunction? Call the police.

This is a bit difficult. The injunction states that he can have telephone contact with DS and that visits have to be arranged with family/court/supervised.

But he is not allowed to come to our family address, or be anywhere where he thinks I may be (for example in the area, school, address).

OP posts:
Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:20

The injunction states that he can have telephone contact with DS and that visits have to be arranged with family/court/supervised.

Your brother arranged this clearly.

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:21

Where you are? Or where you and DS?

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:22

What’s your plan when he returns?

please don’t let it descend in to another screaming match. I imagine your DS is dreading the drama upon his return.

so prove him wrong.

Original poster
wholefoodgrain · 23/07/2023 19:24

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:22

What’s your plan when he returns?

please don’t let it descend in to another screaming match. I imagine your DS is dreading the drama upon his return.

so prove him wrong.

There wasn't any screaming.

OP posts:
Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:25

Ok but let’s be honest

what you describe sounds very distressing for a boy to witness going on around him and about him

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:25

And I imagine the atmosphere currently in the house is thick with tension

Original poster
wholefoodgrain · 23/07/2023 19:26

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:25

Ok but let’s be honest

what you describe sounds very distressing for a boy to witness going on around him and about him

Are you stalking me? You seem over invested in this. Please let it go.

OP posts:
EscapeRoomToTheSun · 23/07/2023 19:26

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:25

Ok but let’s be honest

what you describe sounds very distressing for a boy to witness going on around him and about him

I'm sure she knows that but she isn't the abuser is she. Why don't you shut up if you can't say something helpful.

TheModHatter · 23/07/2023 19:35

I think this is my life and I'll just have to get used to it.

No OP, it doesn’t have to be.

Your family are not safe. It is very wrong for them to be breaking an injunction. You can call the police and tell them that your ex broke the injunction, came to the house and your brother took him out.

Have you had contact with Women’s Aid?

Do your family know where you are moving to? Don’t tell them. Does your Ds know what your ex did and that it was serious enough that there is an injunction?

Please speak with Women’s Aid.

Your ex is dangerous and your family are endangering you. See if you can get completely away.

Wolfiefan · 23/07/2023 19:36

Contact the police and womans aid. I would want to move far away from both him and family.

EvilElsa · 23/07/2023 19:53

Please don't give up. There are steps you can take. First is contacting a domestic abuse charity for advice. Go NC with your family -anyone who supports your abuser and enables his stalking has no place in your life. Look into relocation -as far as possible. In the meantime, call the police each and every time ex turns up. You need to show him you are serious and will not have this anymore. Best of luck OP. There is a life ahead of this.

PinkyFlamingo · 23/07/2023 19:54

Phone the police now. Otherwise its pointless having an injuction

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:56

Stalking you? Eye roll

good luck to your DS coming back tonight

Original poster
wholefoodgrain · 23/07/2023 19:59

EvilElsa · 23/07/2023 19:53

Please don't give up. There are steps you can take. First is contacting a domestic abuse charity for advice. Go NC with your family -anyone who supports your abuser and enables his stalking has no place in your life. Look into relocation -as far as possible. In the meantime, call the police each and every time ex turns up. You need to show him you are serious and will not have this anymore. Best of luck OP. There is a life ahead of this.

Thank you.

They are back now. He gave DS presents, which I'm sure push come to shove, his going to ask for them back.

I've contacted the police and provided them with all the information. I am going to go NC with my family.

OP posts:
CovertImage · 23/07/2023 20:31

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:25

And I imagine the atmosphere currently in the house is thick with tension

What the fuck is the matter with you?

Cherrysoup · 23/07/2023 20:32

Your family are horrible. Good idea to go nc.

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 23/07/2023 20:39

I’m glad you called the police, you need to do that every single time. Your family sound awful; they know he abused you yet they are happy for him to break the law and get to you. Do you have friends who can support you?

Acornsoup · 23/07/2023 20:47

Is there somewhere else you and DS can stay until you move?

Your DB knows this man beats you and he has arranged this anyway? And you DS has willingly gone along with it.

I am glad he is back safe. DS is very young and likely doesn't understand what you have been through with Ex otherwise he wouldn't have gone. It looks like DM and DB have both been in on planning this, so NC is best as soon as you are gone.

Talk to council homeless office about urgently moving to another area. If you find somewhere please don't tell DM and DB.

Minimising being hospitalised by your EX is absolutely unacceptable for your family. Do they know everything OP?

Acornsoup · 23/07/2023 20:49

Beachside82 · 23/07/2023 19:25

And I imagine the atmosphere currently in the house is thick with tension

That is quite the imagination. Almost as fantastical as your victim blaming goggles. Any useful advice?

Original poster
wholefoodgrain · 23/07/2023 20:52

I'm just sat here. Crying. I just feel betrayed. DS just told me that it's my fault and that daddy is not a bad person.

Minimising being hospitalised by your EX is absolutely unacceptable for your family. Do they know everything OP?

My family witnessed the day that ex abused me where I needed to go to hospital.

OP posts: