To tell you that if you're overweight and worried about going on holiday, don't be!

[SpeedbirdSquawker]

I'm almost 24 stone and a size 24. I'm lucky enough to be able to get away a few times a year, but my weight has always held me back doing things. I know other overweight people have similar fears, so I was hoping to alleviate those with this post.

Firstly I worry about the flight and if i'm going to fit into the seat. I always need a seatbelt extender (with Ryanair, not so much with other airlines), but I fit in the seat absolutely fine! I use the toilet onboard and have room to manoeuvre.

When I have been away, the beach is always full of the people with perfect bodies, as is the complex pool and i've always avoided the beach (for fear of looking like a beached whale) and i've only used the pool when it's empty, first thing or just before sunset.

I don't eat out at restaurants because I thought people might judge me scoffing my face.

Well, this holiday, I thought to fuck with it all. I ate out in restaurants. I went to the beach and even stripped off to my swimwear and went in the sea. It was liberating! I sunbathed on the beach. I went in the pool at busy times. You know what, people didn't bat an eyelid? I got friendly hellos and people were more busy with themselves and the people they were with to even look at me and if they did, to give me a second glance.

I know that being overweight can put some people off living life to the full, but please just do it.

Great story OP and I definitely think it will help people.

Its true that nobody cares what size you are in RL and I’ve never seen an obese person and thought they are less than me or don’t deserve to be there.

I was in Looe, Cornwall a few weeks/months ago and I was staring at a woman who was overweight.
I was obsessed with her swimming suit and I kept looking away and then looking back at her trying to fight the urge to go and ask her where it was from.

I decided to go and ask her but then she had gone and it was only when I got home did I think I hope she didn’t think I was looking at her in a negative way!

I know when I was more self conscious I would take anyone looking at me as they were looking in disgust or laughing at me so I really hope she didn’t think this.

Oh bakewellbridge has form for this.

I also LOVE the “only fat people could agree with the OP” attitude

where does that idea come from?

it suits some thin people that there is judgement of fat people, because they need it to feel good about themselves. Thank god I don’t need that, THAT is freedom

I wouldn't judge anyone for being any size on holiday but I do wonder about how wise it is to normalise being 24 stone.

You should have plucked up the courage Mayhem3. I saw a fabulous dress in a car park and sidled up to the woman asking about it, prefixing that it looked so good on her, really lovely. Then I asked where she got it from if she didn't mind saying. It was John Lewis. I didn't ask for the item number but I did have a good scout on the website looking for it.

My dress lady was chuffed at being told how good she looked in her dress. I'm sure your swimsuit lady would feel like that too. Seize the swimsuit day when you next encounter it.

Given that not normalising it has led to more people being 24 stone…?

I've never found this. It actually made me feel good on my last holiday that hardly anyone had "perfect" bodies.

Aaaand there it is.

Ignore, OP. What a lovely, positive, happy post. I'm so glad you enjoyed your trip and as a size 18 with a long history of EDs, and finally settled at the weight I am for many years, I intend to be inspired by you this summer and beyond!

Has anybody done that? No. Your reading comprehension needs work. A lot of work.

Or are you just one of those cretins who would like OP and anybody else over a size whatever, to hole up in a cave never to enjoy their lives or, better still - never be seen again?

I do wonder how wise it is to post as you do. It makes you sound very lacking indeed.

Same here.

OP, I'm sitting here with a grin from ear to ear! Thank you!

I do know how you feel OP , even at 14 stone and a size 18 I felt self conscious. Just been on holiday to the med and actually bought some new dresses, some new makeup for first time in 4 years- at least 3 times people asked me where I got my dress from - and several days I didn't bother with a shrug or over shirt - and you know what no one was looking- wear nice stuff, have a good time. !!

A very interesting article in the Guardian today https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/jul/23/parenting-kids-weight-virginia-sole-smith

The line about 'trying to lose weight, let alone feeling bad about your weight, is so consistently correlated to being a higher weight' is particularly striking.

The 'oh noooo, it's normalising obesity' posters (who should really fuck off from a thread like this!) don't ever understand that shame and stigmatisation of it only ever increases it. If they do know that, they don't care probably because they wouldn't like to see an end to obesity because it gives them such a lovely thrill of superiority.

Awesome OP! I've spent a lot of my life letting my weight hold me back from things I want to do. Since I've had my daughters I've decided to never let them see if scared to do something because of my size. I also realised I felt like it at a size 12 and at a size 22! What a waste of a life and a body. I'm an 18-20 now and I'm going to rock my swimsuit with pride this holiday, and go on all the swimming pool and beach activities with the kids.

For those who are worried about covering up because they feel uncomfortable please don't think you have to go down the "dress" style costume or long shorts route unless you want to. There's loads of glam options to make you feel great. I wear beach trousers (kind of like mesh material baggy trousers), long floaty patterned cover ups etc and feel so glam in my big floppy hat and sunnies!!

So pleased for you, OP. I reached a similar conclusion in my early forties, when I wanted to go swimming - you know, because it’s a) enjoyable; b) good for my health. I reasoned that the vast majority of people would be more interested in their own lives than mine…… and if any of them DID judge me - either internally or, God forbid, by commenting or giving me a ‘look’ - well, that just made them sad, judgemental people, and I wasn’t going to waste my energy on them.

To those who are commenting on obesity being unhealthy: yes, you are correct, as far as it goes. But do you honestly think that those of us who have been obese most of our lives have never tried to lose weight? Obesity is multi factorial and extremely resistant to change. It’s damn hard losing 7 stone (I know, I’ve done it) but it’s a damn lot harder maintaining that loss long term. Only a tiny, tiny proportion of people manage to do it.

These days there is increasing recognition that a modest weight loss - 5-10% of starting weight - can bring significant health benefits, and is much more likely to be maintained long term.

At my heaviest I was over 22 stone and wearing a size 30. At the moment I hover around 18 and a half stone, and wear size 22/24 depending on style and fit. I’ve stopped yo-yoing, and do my best to enjoy my life as it is, and as I am.

I’ve done the whole “I’ve lost loads of weight, now I can enjoy life” thing, many times. In the end, I decided to decouple enjoying my life from my weight.

Exactly, if people really want fewer fat people, why do they not understand that shaming people into staying indoors isn’t the way to achieve that! Unless they actually do need the shame on others for their own self esteem of course.

I see someone's obviously sounded the judgmental douchebag klaxon.

Incidentally I'm a size 18 (a 20 in some shops, I know right, how dare I celebrate my fat self by buying and wearing clothes!) because I'm disabled and can't exercise like I used to, and also because of medication.

Judge away when you see someone who's overweight or obese. But never forget that it could happen to you, too, even if you do only eat half a slice of cucumber a week in the 'ber months only.

Love this post!! Well done for just getting on with it! Whenever I see someone on the heavier side who just gets on with it, all I do is admire them and their confidence to do it. I never think oh god she/he shouldn't be doing that, I just think I wish it was ingrained in me to be so self conscious. I blame my mother for how she made us feel as we were growing up - she has made us so self conscious about our weight. My bmi is about 26.5 so I am hardly huge but I feel so bloomin self conscious the whole time. I lost 3 stone and am a little happier but still I am constantly covering up, won't go to the pool or bar in my bikini and put my whole dress back on etc etc. It's ridiculous....

By the way I am 53 and have been going to beaches for years and never in my life have I been to a beach where everyone has a perfect body - you're imagining that :)

Good on you. I've only ever seen a couple of perfect bodies on holiday and they've been 20 somethings. Nobody gives a shit so you may as well just enjoy yourself, you're a long time dead. Have a fab holiday.

I wish it "wasn't" ingrained in me to be so self conscious I mean't.

I hear ya, sister. I remember edging up towards 13 stone feeling like you do now i.e. ugly, useless and unwanted. The only way I could experience any meaning and/or joy in my life was to belittle those heavier than me irrespective of their other qualities, talents or skills.

Anyhoo, I managed to shift that extra 5 stone pronto. I now have a ball wherever I go, and look in disgust at any woman who weighs more than 10 stone. It's a wonderful perch upon which I sit. One day you may be able to join me?

In reality though, I'm delighted for OP reaching this state of not-giving-a- fuckedness.

For a variety of reasons, I only reached that state when I donned The Mature Lady Cloak of Invisibility in my late 50s.

Full disclosure: I have never been overweight, always been very slim/skeletal (family genes) and was always embarrassed by my puny limbs etc. Once I reached late 50s, the combination of invisibility, some health scares and genuinely not giving one flying fuck about what others think, I became liberated so I totally relate to the OP's joy!!

Ah that's so lovely OP. I am genuinely so happy for you that I've nearly teared up.

I'm fat now but even at my slimmest size 12, I've always felt the need to cover up as much as possible. I would never for instance wear anything with uncovered arms or wear a belt or a top that is less than hip length.

At a size 14, I had someone call me a big girl and actually I realised that I don't care how other people think I look and refuse to wear make up or have surgery, I eat well and exercise regularly and I think as well as keeping myself clean, that's actually all society should expect of me and I'm too stubborn to do anything else and why should I?

That said, I've always been very body conscious as a result of coming from a family of very beautiful slim blonde women. The kind that people turn their heads to look at and from a family where female beauty was highly valued and praised, whereas I've always been plain, mousey and always felt big even when I wasnt fat because I have a completely different body shape to my relatives. Unfortunately that early socialization means that although I don't give a crap if someone thinks I'm fat and ugly, I cannot come to terms with my own body because it feels all wrong and uncomfortable.

I know that I will never feel at home in my body, as I'm getting older I am in fact less at one with it now that everything is breaking!

I have however come to terms with the fact I will die unhappy in my own skin, it's just one of those things. So believe me when I say I am so pleased that your story will have a different ending to mine.

Good for you.

I don't care about someone else's weight.

But I judge the person next to me on the airplane.

Smelly, sticking out elbow, loud headphones and being obese are all an inconvenience to me. They are personal space invaders!

Well done OP sounds like you had a lovely holiday!

I think people need to back off on @Look85 , how is ganging up on one person on a thread any better than a slightly insensitive comment that the OP clearly wasn’t too bothered about going off her reply to her!

Can't imagine you're much fun to sit next to either tbh