Boyfriend made what I thought was a really insensitive comment

[NowIWalkUnderAPinkSky]

I’ve been having a really hard time recently for various reasons. My boyfriend has been really good and supportive. Yesterday I was having a much needed little cry, and he was cuddling me.

I said “life is just really hard sometimes”. My boyfriend said “only if you let it”. I asked him how he can say something like that. He apologised as he said he was tired and didn’t mean it to sound as bad as it did, but also he doesn’t believe in “cliches about life being hard and just need to make the best of situations”.
I said it wasn’t true because life IS hard, things like money and grief and mental health etc make it hard. And I said I didn’t believe in cliches such as “life is what you make it” etc.

Am I wrong to be annoyed

I think you've overreacted, he was just trying to comfort you and you've taken it the wrong way, probably as you were feeling low to start with. Don't take it to heart

It's hard to know what to say sometimes

If he’s been good and supportive generally then maybe this is a sign you’re asking more than he’s able to give.

What an utter non-event.

It's nice he was trying to comfort you, sometimes people struggle to find the right words, you're making to much of this.

Is he supportive otherwise? It sounds like an ill advised attempt to make you feel better, but I can see how you took it to mean he was suggesting you were choosing to let it grind you down. If he's otherwise decent I'd let this go though personally, if he's not great in other aspects then perhaps its part of a bigger picture rather than an issue of itself.

Hmm seems life's hard and you have made this episode harder!

He was comforting you, what he said isn't bad at all!! Some people face hard times and crack on, some people have a full blown melt down some people have a response to the challenge and muddle through everyone is different but I really don't think what he said is bad at all!

This may sound insensitive too, but how much of your conversation and time centres on this?
If not often then he's not being great, if its all you talk about or focus on it can be hard for the partner.
There was a thread recently where the op was angry her dp wasn't engaging as she wanted in a trauma dump about her ex and had audacity to talk about his own past.

Thing is, it’s really hard to know what to say sometimes. He may have meant it in a motivational way I.e ‘only if you let it / you got this!’ Kind of way.

It’s like when you’re upset and people say C’mon, you’ll be fine, chin up. It’s irritating but it’s not particularly inspiring or helpful if people agree with you and say ‘yeah I agree, life is shot’

He was just trying to help, albeit clumsily

People can get a bit fatigued when supporting someone who's low. Especially if it's dragging on and you're more practical about dealing with things. You can't be 100% supportive at all times

He hasn't said anything wrong OP, you're low and struggling so will see little things as big. Cut him some slack.

You overreacted. Also I agree with him, wallowing helps nothing but at least he was trying to comfort you.

Oh just get over yourself.

I would be so annoyed having to listen to moaning all the time - maybe you look on the sad side a lot ???

As he apologised best let it go - sometimes people say things that aren't quite right. I wouldn't say 'only if you let it' to someone who was having a tough time for various reasons as it's sort of putting the blame on them. And while it may be better or worse according to your mental attitude, that's not something you can fully control, especially not if grief and MH issues are in the mix so it's not helpful.

But he sounds like a nice bloke who is trying to be supportive so try forgive him this comment and move on.

YABVU. Sometimes it’s hard to know what to say to someone, it can be so draining being the strong one.

This really isn't something to be annoyed about

It would depend if he’s had anything bad happen to him or not. It would annoy me if someone who had never been bereaved or faced hardship took this stance, but less so if they had experience and were pointing out the power we have to change how we feel.

At worst, it’s a bit shitty to make it sound as if you are doing it to yourself, but if he’s been otherwise supportive I wouldn’t read too much into it; please do consider seeking support outside of the relationship, it sounds like you could do with someone to talk to who doesn’t feel like they have to solve the problem. 💐

You are being really unfair on him, do you need quite a l9t of support at the moment? He is doing his best but he clearly doesn't know what to say to help you. You would be much better off trying to get seen by a professional who can help you with coping strategies. If you keep on like this he is likely to start backing away in case he says the wrong thing again

This 😂

Maybe he was trying to be positive in a 'you'll get through this' way.
Maybe he thinks there are things you could be doing to improve your situation or that you're being overly negative. His second response about not believing in cliches suggests he's a possibly getting a little irritated.
You're right though, life can be hard and how hard it is isn't necessarily within our control. He should know that, so it does make me think in your case he believes you're making it harder than need be.

I think it depends on what things were getting you down. If it was something major like terminal illness or death of a loved one, then yes his answer was off-hand and insensitive. But if it was at the other end of the scale - someone hurt your feelings, or a bad day at work then you can see where he was coming from.

I can understand your perspectives, sometimes you have to get the reins and charge, other wise it can be pickles

It's draining being around someone that is constantly negative and never looks beyond their own thoughts.
YABU
Harsh as it is. He's done nothing wrong and seems supportive otherwise.

I think you should LTB so he can be with someone who appreciates him.