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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend made what I thought was a really insensitive comment

65 replies

NowIWalkUnderAPinkSky · 23/07/2023 16:59

I’ve been having a really hard time recently for various reasons. My boyfriend has been really good and supportive. Yesterday I was having a much needed little cry, and he was cuddling me.

I said “life is just really hard sometimes”. My boyfriend said “only if you let it”. I asked him how he can say something like that. He apologised as he said he was tired and didn’t mean it to sound as bad as it did, but also he doesn’t believe in “cliches about life being hard and just need to make the best of situations”.
I said it wasn’t true because life IS hard, things like money and grief and mental health etc make it hard. And I said I didn’t believe in cliches such as “life is what you make it” etc.

Am I wrong to be annoyed

OP posts:
IdSell · 23/07/2023 19:04

Lots of nasty replies as usual! Ignore them OP and concentrate on the kinder replies.

I think you have overreacted too. It wasn't the best thing to say but sometimes it can be difficult to have to listen to someone else's problems even when they are very genuine. He has apologized. If he is usually a decent kind person then I would forget about it.

Original poster
NowIWalkUnderAPinkSky · 23/07/2023 19:41

Thank you all, I guess it was a bit of an overreaction. I had the death of a close family friend to deal with recently, and had really bad concussion last week, and stresses at work so just been a lot to juggle

OP posts:
DoubleTime · 23/07/2023 19:45

In which case I hope he was only referring to the stresses at work........
It doesn't sound to me like it was an over-reaction and I hope all those who dismissed you as a serial complainer are having a good re-think.

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 23/07/2023 19:50

People can cope with different levels of stress before they feel like things are all too much. Your partner was probably trying to jolly you along a bit, a life is what you make it kind of comment.

perhaps it was a little clumsy given how upset you’ve been lately, but it sounds like he was really trying to help.

HeckyPeck · 23/07/2023 19:51

DoubleTime · 23/07/2023 19:45

In which case I hope he was only referring to the stresses at work........
It doesn't sound to me like it was an over-reaction and I hope all those who dismissed you as a serial complainer are having a good re-think.

Sadly, I doubt many of them will rethink it as there are a lot of people on here who love nothing more than kicking people when they are down.

OP, I do think that was insensitive to say to someone recently bereaved.

Agapornis · 23/07/2023 19:59

Fits in the same category as "cheer up, love" to me - bullshit said by men to women. Death isn't something you need to make the best of.

Whatkindofuckeryisthis · 23/07/2023 20:01

You’re overreacting! Supporting someone with MH is really hard and can be massively draining. He was trying to be helpful. Sometimes dwelling on things or always complaining about the negative stuff does make it worse!

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 23/07/2023 20:03

NowIWalkUnderAPinkSky · 23/07/2023 19:41

Thank you all, I guess it was a bit of an overreaction. I had the death of a close family friend to deal with recently, and had really bad concussion last week, and stresses at work so just been a lot to juggle

Sorry if I've missed it, but how long have you been together?

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I wonder if he feels a bit overwhelmed and unsure about how to deal with it all, especially if it's still fairly early days.

Catusrusty · 23/07/2023 20:06

I can understand why you are overreacting OP, but you are overreacting.

Also it's okay for you two to view life differently. He's coming at it from a different standpoint to you, doesn't mean he's insensitive and that can be a real strength in a partnership to have different strengths.

CovertImage · 23/07/2023 20:23

Sadly, I doubt many of them will rethink it as there are a lot of people on here who love nothing more than kicking people when they are down.

OP, I do think that was insensitive to say to someone recently bereaved.

OP has just given us a bit of a drip feed, hasn't she? She said in the OP that she was "having a little cry", not having a reaction to a catastrophic week. People's responses may've been a bit more empathetic otherwise. People who have a "little cry" over stuff are bloody annoying if it's a habit and they constantly require support

DoubleTime · 23/07/2023 20:38

Oh you were so right @ HeckyPeck .

It's not OP's fault that people jumped to conclusions, in the first line of the post she said that she had been having a really hard time.

JMSA · 23/07/2023 20:43

It was an annoying, dismissive comment for him to make.

Confusion101 · 23/07/2023 20:52

@NowIWalkUnderAPinkSky
You are 100% allowed be upset and annoyed and stressed over everything that has happened to you recently. It has been a lot to deal with and I hope things start looking up for you.

That said, I did vote YABU to be annoyed at him. People often don't know what to say in these situations and perhaps he was trying to give you a different perspective. People have different outlooks on life.

Sometimes I outline to whoever I'm talking to what I expect from the convo, do I just want to be listened to and agreed with or do I genuinely want them to try give me advice!

Janieforever · 23/07/2023 21:00

In this you were indeed making life hard.

HeckyPeck · 23/07/2023 21:43

DoubleTime · 23/07/2023 20:38

Oh you were so right @ HeckyPeck .

It's not OP's fault that people jumped to conclusions, in the first line of the post she said that she had been having a really hard time.

Yep exactly and she mentioned grief in the first post too.

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