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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to make DS clean the whole bathroom?

93 replies

HenryPet · 23/07/2023 12:24

Not sure if the title should be that or a variety of alternatives...

DS is 14 and his job is to clean the family bathroom at the weekend. That's his only job that's his part that involves others mess, he obviously has to clean up after himself.

He was up at 9 today and has already taken 2.5 hours to only do half of it. He is usually sitting on his phone and this is a reoccurring thing every weekend. Sits on his phone while cleaning and it ends up taking him about 5 hours in total...

DH has started saying it's clearly too much for him and he deserves to go out with his friends at the weekend, etc. he's more than welcome to go out with friends, but he is the one choosing to take 5 hours on 1 bathroom.

Is cleaning the bathroom really such an unfair chore for a 14 year old?

OP posts:
jmh740 · 23/07/2023 12:25

Take his phone away while he's cleaning the bathroom

MonkeyToez · 23/07/2023 12:26

I personally use the parental controls set up on my DSs phone to lock it whilst he's doing his jobs. Is this an option?

Evenmoreharibo · 23/07/2023 12:26

Could you have a rota so each family member takes turns with different rooms. Always cleaning the bathroom sounds a bit rubbish tbh.

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 12:26

Seconded, take his phone away.

Readyplayerthr33 · 23/07/2023 12:28

How about you be a parent and remove his phone, go over how to clean it with him one more time so he has no excuses left and then he does it like that without his phone every weekend. Then he’ll have the rest of the day to himself.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/07/2023 12:29

He’s the one choosing to take 5 hours, it’s his fault he’s not already out with his mates. Don’t give in

BuffyTheCat · 23/07/2023 12:32

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/07/2023 12:29

He’s the one choosing to take 5 hours, it’s his fault he’s not already out with his mates. Don’t give in

This is how I see it too. But I might ask him if this is really how he wants to do things, or whether he’d be happier if he took a more efficient approach to it.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 23/07/2023 12:32

It's a perfectly normal chore for a 14yo to do.

If he wants to faff about and make it last five hours, that's on him.

Original poster
HenryPet · 23/07/2023 12:32

I did consider just saying he can't have his phone, but I also couldn't care less if he wants to take 5 hours to do it and think it's a good lesson on how to manage his time...

OP posts:
Catsmere · 23/07/2023 12:34

Is he preventing others using the bathroom by taking such a godawful long time to clean it?

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 12:36

Also disagree with your DH, the boy shouldn't be learning weaponised incompetence - and that's what letting him off will do. Plus who will clean it if DS doesn't do it? I'm guessing it won't be DH ...

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 23/07/2023 12:37

So 4hrs 45 minutes of phone and 15 minutes on the cleaning so far?

All he has to do is move stuff off any shelves, wipe down shelves, put them back - 5 mins

Rinse and wipe bath/shower and sink - 5 mins

Wipe down toilet and put bleach in pan - 5 mins

Hoover/sweep/mop floor - 5 mins

Empty any bins/remove any spider webs - 5 mins

He could have been done easily within 30 minutes, if he chooses to make it an all day task then let him waste his day, it's not your time or your problem.

electriclight · 23/07/2023 12:51

I might be a lone voice here but I do actually think that cleaning the bathroom is an unusual chore for a 14 year old.

If you think it takes an hour, could you give him several smaller jobs that he can do over the week but take the same time?

I mean, it's not working is it? He doesn't want to do it. As an adult, he'll remember having to do it every weekend, as I remember the shit job I had to do. Your dh thinks it's unreasonable and now there's general family tension about it. Rather than expect him to suddenly get good at it, why not have a family discussion and give him something that'll take ten minutes every day or whatever works?

When my kids were that age they cleaned their own room and were on the rota for emptying the dishwasher and walking the dog. Extra jobs were cooking dinner once every week, mowing the lawn fortnightly through the summer and going to the shop for milk/bread/whatever whenever asked.

Lammveg · 23/07/2023 12:53

I mean....its a natural consequence that if he takes 5 hours to do the bathroom he can't go out with his friends? Let him get on with it.

I'd probably rotate which room he cleans though.

latetothefisting · 23/07/2023 12:55

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 12:36

Also disagree with your DH, the boy shouldn't be learning weaponised incompetence - and that's what letting him off will do. Plus who will clean it if DS doesn't do it? I'm guessing it won't be DH ...

exactly this. If you let him off doing it, the only lesson he will learn is that if you do something you don't like badly, someone else will do it for you. Which is hardly setting him up for life!
Whereas if you let him get on with it he'll learn how to clean, effective time management, responsibility, appreciation of the work others do for him, etc.
But by all means tell DH if he wants to help him so it gets done quicker that's up to him...

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/07/2023 12:56

Evenmoreharibo · Today 12:26
Could you have a rota so each family member takes turns with different rooms. Always cleaning the bathroom sounds a bit rubbish tbh.”

This, especially as he cleans up after he’s used it himself. Take turns.

AlwaysGinPlease · 23/07/2023 12:57

electriclight · 23/07/2023 12:51

I might be a lone voice here but I do actually think that cleaning the bathroom is an unusual chore for a 14 year old.

If you think it takes an hour, could you give him several smaller jobs that he can do over the week but take the same time?

I mean, it's not working is it? He doesn't want to do it. As an adult, he'll remember having to do it every weekend, as I remember the shit job I had to do. Your dh thinks it's unreasonable and now there's general family tension about it. Rather than expect him to suddenly get good at it, why not have a family discussion and give him something that'll take ten minutes every day or whatever works?

When my kids were that age they cleaned their own room and were on the rota for emptying the dishwasher and walking the dog. Extra jobs were cooking dinner once every week, mowing the lawn fortnightly through the summer and going to the shop for milk/bread/whatever whenever asked.

You're not alone. It's weird.

Readyplayerthr33 · 23/07/2023 12:58

AlwaysGinPlease · 23/07/2023 12:57

You're not alone. It's weird.

Show quote history

Cleaning a a bathroom is totally normally for a 14 year old. No wonder so many kids are so spoilt now if parents are saying it’s an odd thing for teenagers to do.

MammaTo · 23/07/2023 12:58

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 12:36

Also disagree with your DH, the boy shouldn't be learning weaponised incompetence - and that's what letting him off will do. Plus who will clean it if DS doesn't do it? I'm guessing it won't be DH ...

Exactly this.

He’s choosing to take 5 hours to clean the bathroom rather then thinking I can do this in 30 mins and be done with it, get in mums good graces and go and see friends.

megacat · 23/07/2023 13:02

This reminds me of the Kevin the teenager sketch where he takes an entire Sunday to wash the car Grin

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 23/07/2023 13:03

I also think it's odd to make a 14 yo clean the family bathroom. I'm all for kids tidying up after themselves, but think they should be free to go out with their friends of a weekend. Get a cleaner. He will have his own house to clean when he's an adult.

YeahIsaidit · 23/07/2023 13:03

I agree with pp that it's a bit crappy always having to do the bathroom and that it'd be better/more fair to switch things up and each family member does a different room each week. Has the bathroom been assigned to him because nobody else likes doing it?

budgiegirl · 23/07/2023 13:04

Lammveg · 23/07/2023 12:53

I mean....its a natural consequence that if he takes 5 hours to do the bathroom he can't go out with his friends? Let him get on with it.

I'd probably rotate which room he cleans though.

I agree with this - of course cleaning a bathroom is not too much for a 14 year old, and it's his fault that it's taking him so long. However, it's not a great job, perhaps do a rota each week so he does something different each time.

nalabae · 23/07/2023 13:04

5 hours on a bathroom lol he's dramatic and no you're not unfair

budgiegirl · 23/07/2023 13:05

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 23/07/2023 13:03

I also think it's odd to make a 14 yo clean the family bathroom. I'm all for kids tidying up after themselves, but think they should be free to go out with their friends of a weekend. Get a cleaner. He will have his own house to clean when he's an adult.

It's not at all odd for 14 year olds to have chores - he would be free to go out if he just got on with it! And not everyone wants or can afford a cleaner.