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AIBU?

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Original poster

to make DS clean the whole bathroom?

93 replies

HenryPet · 23/07/2023 12:24

Not sure if the title should be that or a variety of alternatives...

DS is 14 and his job is to clean the family bathroom at the weekend. That's his only job that's his part that involves others mess, he obviously has to clean up after himself.

He was up at 9 today and has already taken 2.5 hours to only do half of it. He is usually sitting on his phone and this is a reoccurring thing every weekend. Sits on his phone while cleaning and it ends up taking him about 5 hours in total...

DH has started saying it's clearly too much for him and he deserves to go out with his friends at the weekend, etc. he's more than welcome to go out with friends, but he is the one choosing to take 5 hours on 1 bathroom.

Is cleaning the bathroom really such an unfair chore for a 14 year old?

OP posts:
2bazookas · 23/07/2023 14:31

No. If DH really cares about DS social life, DH should remove DS phone ahead of the bathroom cleaning task.

Simple solutions provided free on MN.

TheChosenTwo · 23/07/2023 14:38

Bloody hell some of these ideas do explain how dd ended up at uni sharing a flat with people who had no idea how to do basic chores like clean and look after things. It’s pathetic.
As a kid my job was to clean the bathroom and empty the bins, my brother had to dust and hoover. My mum worked full time and it was a good lesson to learn that everyone had jobs and were responsible for looking after our living space.
My dc have had chores from being children. I have a cleaner but they are still expected to do jobs around the house.
it’s their choice if they want to spend 4 hours unloading a dishwasher or hoovering the stairs and prolonging the task (they don’t, why would they?) but I’m hardly sending down the pit or up chimneys, they are expected to do these things so we can all live together in a hygienic and tidy house - it’s more pleasant for everyone.
Do not go back on your expectations, some people have none of their children and it really shows when they get older and have no idea how to look after themselves in the real world.

Theoldwoman · 23/07/2023 14:51

I don’t know OP but this thread just made me go and clean our bathroom! So thanks!

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 23/07/2023 15:07

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 13:40

@thousandbirds
@andHelenknowsimmiserablenow

you know not everyone can afford a cleaner?

cleaning bathroom is not too much for a 14 year old. If it was a 14 year old girl would your view be different I wonder? 🤔

Show quote history

I can't afford a cleaner either. I clean my own house instead. My adult kids clean their own houses perfectly fine.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 15:35

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 23/07/2023 15:07

I can't afford a cleaner either. I clean my own house instead. My adult kids clean their own houses perfectly fine.

Show quote history

@andHelenknowsimmiserablenow

so there we go, nothing unreasonable about this lad cleaning the bathroom. It’s his own fault he can’t go out cos he’s taking so long

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 23/07/2023 15:44

He is a 14 yo child, not an adult.

QuestionableMouse · 23/07/2023 15:48

Readyplayerthr33 · 23/07/2023 12:58

Cleaning a a bathroom is totally normally for a 14 year old. No wonder so many kids are so spoilt now if parents are saying it’s an odd thing for teenagers to do.

Show quote history

It is, in rotation with other jobs. Just doing the bathroom (which I'm assuming other family members use too) is slightly more unusual.

Plus he's not really learning much if he's just doing the same job week in, week out.

roarrfeckingroar · 23/07/2023 15:50

I think making a 14 year old clean a bathroom that isn't their own en suite is a bit grim.

LuckySantangelo35 · 23/07/2023 15:51

roarrfeckingroar · 23/07/2023 15:50

I think making a 14 year old clean a bathroom that isn't their own en suite is a bit grim.

@roarrfeckingroar

why?!

roarrfeckingroar · 23/07/2023 15:55

Because it's cleaning other people's shit residue. It's a grim job as an adult and he's still a child.

It's the main reason I have a cleaner:

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 23/07/2023 15:58

roarrfeckingroar · 23/07/2023 15:55

Because it's cleaning other people's shit residue. It's a grim job as an adult and he's still a child.

It's the main reason I have a cleaner:

Why are you cleaning other people's shit residues? Don't they clean up after themselves when they use the toilet? Confused

Tilllly · 23/07/2023 16:03

He's been a twat

It's his one contribution to the household

Tell him he's got one hour to get it done

LivingNextDoorToNorma · 23/07/2023 16:09

If he wants to waste the entire day on his chores, that’s on him. I’d leave him to it.

BUT I really recommend a rotating chores timetable. My step-mum implemented one for her children when we were young (we were slotted in with jobs appropriate to the amount of time we were there). She swears it was a game changer, because no one was able to say another person had a ‘preferable’ treatment.

aSofaNearYou · 23/07/2023 16:11

electriclight · 23/07/2023 12:51

I might be a lone voice here but I do actually think that cleaning the bathroom is an unusual chore for a 14 year old.

If you think it takes an hour, could you give him several smaller jobs that he can do over the week but take the same time?

I mean, it's not working is it? He doesn't want to do it. As an adult, he'll remember having to do it every weekend, as I remember the shit job I had to do. Your dh thinks it's unreasonable and now there's general family tension about it. Rather than expect him to suddenly get good at it, why not have a family discussion and give him something that'll take ten minutes every day or whatever works?

When my kids were that age they cleaned their own room and were on the rota for emptying the dishwasher and walking the dog. Extra jobs were cooking dinner once every week, mowing the lawn fortnightly through the summer and going to the shop for milk/bread/whatever whenever asked.

I cleaned the bathroom at that age, doesn't bother me at all as an adult. We shouldn't live in fear our children will resent us for asking them to do things that are not unreasonable.

I'd just leave him to it OP, it's only taking him that long because he's choosing to be slow, he doesn't have to.

itsgettingweird · 23/07/2023 16:12

He's doing his chore.

If he chooses to take 5 hours whilst fart arsing on his phone that's up to him.

If he wanted to be out with mates he'd do it in 20-30 minutes and go out.

Your dh needs to stop putting his ideas of what ds should be doing onto ds and allow him to grow up his own way.

Although I'm sure this is the Mn version of doing a job badly hoping eventually you'll just ask him to stop doing it or do it for him. Sadly your dh has nearly been broken. Stand firm Grin

Blondeshavemorefun · 23/07/2023 16:17

Let him Take 5hrs. He will
Learn to do it quicker /get off his phone when he is missing out with friends

Serena73 · 23/07/2023 16:20

I've never asked my kids to clean the bathroom, usually I only ask them to clean their own rooms or do the dishwasher. I think mine would both prefer to cook dinner for everyone instead of clean the bathroom. I'd prefer that too.

Kastri · 23/07/2023 16:25

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 12:36

Also disagree with your DH, the boy shouldn't be learning weaponised incompetence - and that's what letting him off will do. Plus who will clean it if DS doesn't do it? I'm guessing it won't be DH ...

I love that phrase 'weaponised incompetence'
I never knew what it was called,but my son does it too,also 'but you are so much better than me at a,b,c etc'
Thanks for that!

maybebalancing · 23/07/2023 16:53

Everyone in my house has room, they all had a choice. 14 dd has the bathroom.
If she was really struggling with motivation I would get a cleaning podcast based on the bathroom for her to follow in real time.
I have also offered that anyone who doesn't want to clean can outsource to cleaner and I'll deduct it from their allowance.

ConnieLinggusThe69th · 23/07/2023 16:55

My DC is much younger. I'm disabled. They do more chores than that out of necessity but I do pick which ones eg if there's any danger or particularly unpleasant they're not suitable for them. I personally wouldn't put the bathroom as a kid one bc chemicals would worry me and it can be a bit gross cleaning family loos and bins

But by 14 I might not have those concerns the same

I would probably recognise that they can't time manage yet - it takes time to get the hang of prioritising. I would be removing phone just for 30 mins whilst it gets done and do it with supervision a few times to show the tricks of how to make it easier and quicker and drive home how we have to switch off from social media occasionally to get anything done

SummerDuck · 23/07/2023 17:00

I wouldn’t expect a 14 year old to clean a whole bathroom, certainly not on a weekly basis. You imply he has other chores in addition to this, which to me is a ludicrous use of his time.

Teenagers priorities should be school, studying, exercise, friends and relaxation in that order, not cleaning bathrooms.

Ladybrrrd · 23/07/2023 17:19

Teenagers priorities should be school, studying, exercise, friends and relaxation in that order, not cleaning bathrooms.

Drivel. He could do all these things with plenty of time, he is choosing to prioritize his phone. It's important for teenagers to learn they are part of the household and responsible for it's upkeep. It's cleaning a bathroom, which means wiping some surfaces and maybe emptying a small bin, he's not being asked to scoop out the gutters. It could take him 30 minutes if he just focussed.

I'd be v tempted to lock the phone via parental controls, or just let him take 5 hours and miss out on mates as natural consequences - can't decide which!

aSofaNearYou · 23/07/2023 17:35

SummerDuck · 23/07/2023 17:00

I wouldn’t expect a 14 year old to clean a whole bathroom, certainly not on a weekly basis. You imply he has other chores in addition to this, which to me is a ludicrous use of his time.

Teenagers priorities should be school, studying, exercise, friends and relaxation in that order, not cleaning bathrooms.

Lord give me strength, suddenly unsurprised by the amount of totally incompetent 18 year old's I met at uni if the idea of teenagers doing any amount of chores is "ludicrous".

MrsTerryPratchett · 23/07/2023 17:37

DH has started saying it's clearly too much for him and he deserves to go out with his friends at the weekend, etc. he's more than welcome to go out with friends, but he is the one choosing to take 5 hours on 1 bathroom.

DH can do it with him. Teaches skills, helps the chore along, DH gets to put his money where his mouth is, DS gets help. All wonderful.

MadCatLady27 · 23/07/2023 18:05

I'm not a parent but I'm sure if you went in and took his phone until he was done, the bathroom would soon be cleaned in next to no time!

I hate cleaning the bathroom but I see no reason a teenager shouldn't be allocated a room to clean, I used to have to clean the bathroom and my bedroom when they needed doing. Guess what I know how to properly clean my own house!

His potential partner in the future will be forever grateful for his repertoire of skills you will have taught him.