Nose on the wall

[tattooedteagal]

DH made DS face the wall earlier then put his nose on the wall just like he was made to as a kid.

I'm not happy but apparently his parents did it and he's "fine". I think it's outdated, humiliating, and cruel!

Yes, DS is very challenging. Exceptionally smart (gifted) with ASD and suspected ADHD. There's been a lot of change lately and his behaviour is off the wall. He doesn't stay still (at home), he hits me, he barely sleeps, and has regular meltdowns. BUT I think DH has lost all perspective!

Your husbands a fucking dinlo, about as polite as I can put it!

I don’t know what a dinlo is but your husband is abusive. Please protect your child

You must be from Portsmouth

If your son is really not behaving to the point where he hits you, your husband has probably reached the end of his tether.

No.

How are you addressing him hitting you?

Is it working?
Because if putting his nose against the wall is the only way to stop him hitting you the I would be ok with that teaching method.
If you (both) can come up with a better kinder method which works swap to that method.

A foolish/stupid person.

How old is DS?

it’s still abusive at any age though, but will change responses

Why is facing the wall abusive? Isn’t it just time out facing the wall?

@Newusernameaug he's 4! Far too young!

The child is asd suspected adhd, Im not a fan of the notion “well my parents done it and I'm fine” sure thing you are and that’s why you remember it soo well isn’t it? LOL.

My sons non verbal asd adhd and if my husband done that…..well I wouldn’t like to say.

I had a music teacher called Mr Smith. If you misbehaved in his class the punishment was to walk to the front, arms behind your back, bend over so that you were sideways to the class and your nose resting on his desk for the remainder of the lesson.

This was in the 70s and I don't ever recall any girl 'suffering' this punishment, only boys.

One boy, Darren was often mischievous in class and got this punishment a lot and he grew up to become hugely successful in his career, is happily married with now adult children and is well adjusted. I don't think he can play any musical instruments though!

Humiliation as a way of punishment isn't particularly effective for some as Darren was a repeat offender but the threat of it certainly worked for us senior school girls!

I think your husband should be supported in dealing with your sons bad behaviour but to discuss and implement different ways of doing so.

Doesn't sound as if it's an effective punishment tbh. What is it teaching hum?

He’s 4???? I was expecting something like 10 from your husband’s idea of a suitable punishment, not that I think it would be suitable anyway.

Your husband sounds abusive. It’s humiliating and not something to do to a child.

If he has ASD or ADHD, or even if he doesn’t, you need to be tackling why he’s doing this before punishing him. Consequences are fine but they’re not going to work on their own.

FOUR?!

Imagine a teacher doing that in class?

I would tell him the next time he did that he’d find somewhere else to live.

IME 'disciplining' in this manner only exacerbates the sorts of behaviour your son is demonstrating. If he is ASD then he is evidently struggling to express his frustrations with life and needs kindness, space and understanding. He's not being naughty. Unfortunately a lot of Dads in particular struggle with this concept. And it's why I'm no longer with my partner.

The same age as my boy! With very similar behaviours and he’s non verbal to add, you probably wouldn’t want to admit it here but I would bet that it took a hell of a lot of restraint and nonstop pulling him to the wall to make him do that….yeah your husband is a fucking dinlo! Why doesn’t he educate himself and do some research to better understand ASD/ADHD etc? And more importantly to understand his own child!

4!!!!!! Sorry but it's no wonder he behaves badly if this is how his most trusted people treat him. Please remove this little boy from this horrible situation.

Has the behaviour of your son improved since he did this? If not, your husband has been ineffective and taught your son that we can humiliate people we don’t like the actions of.

Completely inappropriate punishment, I’d be furious. Some of the behaviours that come with ASD/adhd are hugely challenging but this kind of response will not fix anything. Sounds like your husband needs some help in learning how to parent a child with additional needs.

If I hit Mummy the consequence is I end up feeling miserable. So maybe I shouldn't hit Mummy.

’If I hit mummy then daddy will humiliate me’ would be more realistic.

Four year olds have little emotional regulation as it is, that’s why parents have to teach with love and patience. When a child has autism and/or adhd learning emotional regulation is 10x more difficult and these harsh lessons are far less likely to have the realisations of hurt to others. Especially if done in a meltdown. My autism 5 year old would have zero understanding of this type of punishment, it would probably only lead to another meltdown.

YABU for allowing this. My SIL used to make her son go and stand with his back to everyone if he'd been 'naughty'. I hated it and thought less of her for it.

Inappropriate imho