How nice are you?

[Selmaandpatty]

Sometimes I feel like being nice is just really not that valued anymore. It's not about not being a pushover or lacking assertiveness, you can be very nice and still those things. it's more that I find a lot of people are just self-serving and gossip about people, or say hurtful things.
We're all human, we all make mistakes but on a day-to-day level I find that many people are not that nice. Of course they're not horrible, evil, depraved.
I can think of a very small number of people where I think that they are an exceptionally kind, caring, genuine and generous person, however like I said it's a very small number.

I think of past friends I've had. People say, screw them, move on and find new ones. I try to, and in my mind I know these ex friends couldn't give a toss. They've got enough friends themselves and as long as their own lives are fine, they couldn't care less about me.

I'm human. Sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I'm a bitch. I like a good gossip, but I don't like upsetting people or being deliberately cruel. Being "nice" all the time feels fake and weird.

It’s hard to be nice when life/people piss you off.
I am the grinch, but bitchier.

I am definitely kind and thoughtful and am always conscious never to make people feel bad or left out. I don’t brag about stuff or undermine others. I know a few people who like to have subtle digs, and I think why do that? I go out of my way to be a good listener and be inclusive.

But I am no doormat and if someone is being out of order I will tell them so. I can’t let irritations fester so I try and sort them out directly.

I have unkind thoughts sometimes, but that’s ok.

I am always being told I'm too nice for my own good. (I was nursing over 40 years) I am trying to "cut back". I really appreciate small acts of kindness. I used to say one of our neighbours was nasty....ie, making sarcastic remarks when I would need a stick for assistance for instance. My DH always thought I was exaggerating, said hes harmless but just thoughtless. Course he never made these remarks to DH. Unfortunately,most people I come across are thoughtless at the very least. Im tiny and in my 70s, people push in front of me in shops,I now speak up, very politely, never rude,it doesn't help and the cashier's don't back me up!We volunteer for the local councillor,DH goes litter picking weekly, along our village. Neighbour sniggered said "ooh, doing your civic duty". All of us bar this one,cut our grass verges

I am what I need to be at the time.

IMO society is more entitled and narcissistic. Therefore, being nice and/or an empath can mean you're taken advantage of.

IMO it is good to be kind but assertive and alert to anti social personalities which walk amongst us.

Means those who are looking for supply/what they can get will see you're a good person, but you're not a push over. Not an easy balance if you're naturally giving etc.

I have a lot of friends, people express genuine disappointment if I don’t join for a group activity, and virtually everybody I interact with in whatever capacity likes me and finds me pleasant company. I am terrible at responding to text messages and yet people still - very wonderfully - persist in trying because they want to spend time with me. I presume that means I’m nice, and whatever a “good person” is, and that’s enough for me. I don’t really analyse or question the specifics or think about performing some kind of niceness.

Yes I agree, you can be nice but speak up when necessary. I would never just laugh at someone or mock them, that's just rude. We can all say hurtful things sometimes but I think it's about knowing when you're in the wrong and apologising.

I’m nice to my loved ones, most of the time, and nice to others when it suits me. Unfortunately, I recognise that I have become increasingly grumpy, anti-social, impatient, misanthropic, cynical and intolerant of idiots as I have got older.
One thing I’m definitely not guilty of, however, is gossiping. Partly because I disapprove of it, but mostly because I’m not interested and don’t give a toss about what X said to Y or who Z is shagging.

My default is definitely nice. I would much rather do good than harm to others. However, like most people, my priority is me and mine, so the extent I'd go to to actively benefit someone else would be balanced by the cost to myself and those I love.
I am also pretty intolerant of people who upset me and others, and quite capable of being very unpleasant to those who start it.
My biggest weakness in the nice arena is a difficulty in resisting gossip and less than kind conversations if there is humour involved. I'm a 'You shouldn't laugh but...' person and I'd say its by far my biggest fault and I'm working on it.

Definitions of nice seem to vary.

I would say that I’m kind to people that are kind or that I have brief interactions with that I don’t really know.

If someone is being unpleasant, doing something that hurts others etc, I tell them. If someone is persistently unpleasant, bitchy, gossipy etc, I cut them out of my life. Some people think that’s harsh and then say I’m not nice. I’m ok with that. 😅

I'm nice, or try to be. But the older I get, the more I read Mumsnet, and the more times I'm screwed over in life, the more I realise that being nice is rare and people are very happy to take advantage/screw you over when you are nice. There are more not nice people in this world than I'd like, and it makes me sad.

I've met people who will tell you how nice they are, they are always the worst people.

Im a nice person. I work in customer service and get paid to be nice

but fuck me off i let you know. I don’t like rude people. Don’t jump in front of me in he queue

i like my own time and being alone.

I'm always polite and respectful but not necessary 'nice' as I will be honest - though in a tactful way. I'm not one of those people who use the excuse of 'saying it like it is' to be rude.

The premise is too big of a generalisation, when clearly you are thinking about a particular situation.

I hope I am thought to be a nice person. I do try. However that doesn't mean I am a pushover or a doormat or that I never set boundaries. I do.

I also come across many, many nice people in my life.
Through work (and reading the local Facebook groups) I also meet people I wouldn't describe as 'nice'.

I don't think it is any different today from 30, 60, 100 years ago though.

I think that, along with the vast majority of humanity, I fall within a bell curve.

I can be exceptionally kind and generous, but I can also be judgemental and snarky at times.

For the most part, I just crack on and certainly don't waste my short time on this pale blue dot 'people pleasing' (awful phrase).

You sound amazing!

The most persistent criticism I have received in my life is 'you are too nice' and it pisses me off. Usually in a work capacity. I am naturally soft spoken and probably am overly polite but I'm not a fool and it doesn't make me a pushover.

I worry about strangers too in silly ways, I can't help it. Like if I see a car broken down I find myself hoping and praying that they weren't rushing somewhere important. I will help a person struggling with bags etc. I honestly believe that random acts of kindness make a difference, at least to our daily lives. Generally I find people are very nice to me but once in a while when I encounter an asshole I get absolutely livid, and I have zero tolerance for rude people.

I'm very tit-for-tat in my approach. I'll always meet a friend halfway, be respectful, supportive and understanding in approx. equal measure to the level they show me. This prevents any future resentment on either side. I do sometimes naturally fall into a therapist role, so I have to be strict with myself. This approach doesn't mean some friendships fizzle out but it also means I've been left with some really wonderful friends.

In terms of strangers, I don't initiate friendly behaviour but if someone approaches me and uses a friendly tone then I'm likely to respond in a similar way. It isn't my default to be friendly with strangers though.

I’m a really nice person. I have a lot of friends. Because I make time for them, I remember significant dates, medical tests and ask them about them. I’m always available for a chat on the phone and I meet a lot of friends for meals / theatre trips / days out in london. I never cancel last minute unless I am genuinely unwell. I have 3 school friends who live 250 miles away where I grew up and I’d jump in the car in the next hour to drive up if they needed me, and I know they’d do the same for me. Being a good friend and a kind person is important to me

*does not doesn't

I always say, I don't know what 'nice' means.
We have a friend that everyone would describe as 'nice'. He's one of the most selfish, self serving people I've ever known. But he smiles a lot and is laid back and easy going. So I guess that comes across as 'nice'.
I have a strong moral compass. For instance, things like bullying make me feel sick and I'd always stick up for anyone who was on the receiving end, even if it caused me trouble. I'm also very loyal to the people I care about. But I'm also fiercely independent, have resting bitch face, am pretty aloof, don't need anyone's advice or approval for anything and I stick up for myself. So I'd be amazed if 'nice' was one of the first words that someone would associate with me.

Averagely.