Anyone else feel like their look isn't very feminine?

[Selmaandpatty]

Sometimes I do wonder about how I come across, I shouldn't worry what others think but I can't help it.
My hair is in a very short 'French' bob, or a micro bob as it's also known. I don't wear make up apart from a bit of concealer. I just wear one pair of studs and a small chain around my neck.
I don't wear nail varnish, don't have false eyelashes (I liked the look of them, but can't afford the upkeep), don't get my nails done.
Dye my own very dark brown hair just to cover the greys.
In this sort of weather, I'm usually in jeans or leggings and a long top with a cardigan, or maybe a hoodie. The last time I wore heels was at a wedding 4 years ago, I own a pair of boots with a slight heel on and that's it.
Usually in trainers, brogues or pumps.
Anyway, I see so many women in make up, long hair, 'feminine' outfits. My clothes are fitted but I don't wear skirts regularly, I like dresses but usually if it's hot and sunny, same with shorts.
I have no idea how people afford salon highlights, false nails, eyelashes and fake tan every month!
Anyway, I've started wondering recently if I should make more effort. I wonder if I look really bland, I'm 32. Interested to know if anyone else has this sort of approach.
I shower and wash my hair daily, always use deodorant and body spray etc, so that's never an issue.

Fuck looking 'feminine'. That's just patriarchy bollocks. I look like me - a 50 something woman. Mostly in jeans, sometimes in dresses. I've never had a problem attracting the opposite sex (which is the point of 'being feminine' when you drill down). Look how you feel most comfortable.

I have definitely turned away from looking bland in the past few years and made more of an effort with what I wear, accessories etc. I'm certainly not trying to look more feminine though!

Your look sounds fine to me.

Women can wear anything they like despite some regressives out there saying otherwise.

I'm not "feminine" because I don't want the hassle and expense of the upkeep, plus I find a lot of the accoutrements just plain uncomfortable. To each her own.

Thank you for your answers. It sounds like you are very comfortable and I hope I can feel that way soon. I really shouldn't buy into the patriarchy rubbish .

Eyelashes were around £30 every couple of weeks, that's nearly a week's shopping for me!

Well I’m a woman and I wear clothes and style my hair so I think that makes my clothes and hairstyle feminine . Surely feminine clothes by definition are ones worn by a woman ?

What you are talking about - false nails, coloured hair, false eyelashes and fake tan - isn’t more feminine , it’s just more fake. Plastic nails instead of your own, hair and skin colours from chemicals instead of your own.

So do more of that if you want to - but when every cell in your body is female you are already as female as you ever will be.

As far as I can see, jeans / trousers, a top / hoodie and trainers / boots / flat shoes seem to be default leisure wear for both men and women from aged 10 - 70.

Everywhere I look, I see false eyelashes, long, ombre flowing hair, well-applied make up, manicured nails. I just need to build confidence, maybe experiment with some more 'put together ' outfits.

I'm 43, I have shoulder length hair. Wear concealer/ foundation, and I feel like I still dress like a student. I see other women my age dressing more "grown up" and wonder if I should adjust my look. I also mostly wear trainers. Not worn heels for so long I cannot remember when lol. However, I like to be comfy. And I have small children. I'm only just beginning to not give a shit about what other people think!!

You sound like a totally normal, average woman

You sound like you look great! I get my dye done at a salon as I can't cover my grey myself but otherwise I'm pretty much the same. I gave up heels (and underwired bras) when I was first pregnant in 2016 and I've never gone back apart from the odd wedding/special event (I did wear heels and a proper bra at my own wedding which was since then, ha ha)
I'm going for a fringe-less microbob tomorrow! I really love the look

If you like that look, do it! But one if YOU like it. Not because you feel pressured.

I'm your version of "feminine" but on a budget. I'm a support worker so on minimum wage.

I wear magnetic lashes every day which cost £14 every 6 months.
No fake tan as like being pale
Home dye £6 every 6 weeks
Hair is long and I cut it myself, style with a wave wand
Wear makeup every day, cost £10 a month
Nails are my treat, £25 a month
Skirts, tights, dresses all bought shein or charity shops

I wear leggings and men's jumpers, or bright loose trousers and men's jumpers, or dresses. All with either Hotter sandals or walking boots. No makeup, no nails done, no false lashes, my hair is white but it's cut nicely. I'm 40. I'm feminine enough for me. And very comfortable!

"salon highlights, false nails, eyelashes and fake tan every month"

sounds more Barbie than feminine

Oh and extentions are a £10 thing I attach on nights out, never had to replace it.

op your style sounds so cool, I think I need would be envious of you.

Thanks so much everyone :) I'm going to look at magnetic lashes

🙄

If that’s how you want to look , there’s plenty videos on YouTube that will tell you how to do it yourself on a budget.

But don’t change you look unless that’s what YOU want . There’s no rule that says you have to look like anyone except yourself. You are good enough .

Well, expand the type of people you’re around? I see undergraduates in wide jeans and crop tops, undergraduates in muddy sports gear and no makeup, undergraduates in fake tan and eyelashes, undergraduate Goths and undergraduates in band T-shirts, my neighbour in cigarette pants and sleeveless blouses, my architect’s office manager in an Elton crop and oversized Margaret Howell, my friend N in broderie anglaise pastel dresses, my friend L in yoga clothes and a blonde bob and lipstick, my sister in tailored dresses, my head of department in long, beautifully-cut grey waves and drape hippie gear etc etc.

And?

Try Lola's lashes, they are ace 🖤

Forgot to say I wear jeans and boots most of the time but still keep up with the rest of it, I genuinely enjoy it.

I don't find looking feminine to be expensive. I wear make up most days and do my own nails. Never had eyelash extensions. My hair is long...I get it trimmed at a salon but dye it myself. Sometimes I wear dresses.

as for you op...wear whatever you feel most comfortable in

I suppose it depends where you live, but most women I see out and about on the high street aren't in full feminine garb. Most aren't wearing makeup, have short hair or hair in a ponytail, and have jeans and boots or trainers on.

I think social media can reflect a false reality. Most of the pictures on Instagram are young white women done up for special occasions, and these are the pictures website algorithms push forward.

If you fancy experimenting with your style, go for it. There are loads of tutorials online and budget brands like e.l.f and Collection make good affordable makeup if you want to try things out without spending too much. But do it for your own fun and happiness. Don't do it because you aren't 'feminine enough'.

Buying secondhand clothes is a good way to figure out what you like without spending a ton and creating waste if you decide a dress or top isn't for you.

OK I'm much older than you, so I've seen fashions come and go, but I've never had fake eyelashes or fake nails in my life.

Nail varnish occasionally, skirts occasionally.

There's nothing inherently feminine about any of this stuff, it's just social convention.

Why do you feel the need to change yourself?

BTW the best dressed young people I've seen in a good while were a small mixed-sex group at an event I was attending. They were very smart, but also quirky. No fake eyelashes or fake tan, they just had unique (and very good) taste in clothes. If I were young and wanting to up my game that's what I'd go for.

Yikes, false eyelashes make me look like a man in drag, and I hate the modern way of having so much foundation on you cannot see the skin. I swear I used less makeup as a goth - and my foundation was theatre-white.

My bob is shoulder length but I add extensions when I feel like it.

Otherwise I dress similarly to you, but in general never wear makeup. Nearly 60. Can't be arsed.

I am sure you look very feminine. But mascara will usually resolve any doubt.