Anyone else feel like their look isn't very feminine?

[Selmaandpatty]

Sometimes I do wonder about how I come across, I shouldn't worry what others think but I can't help it.
My hair is in a very short 'French' bob, or a micro bob as it's also known. I don't wear make up apart from a bit of concealer. I just wear one pair of studs and a small chain around my neck.
I don't wear nail varnish, don't have false eyelashes (I liked the look of them, but can't afford the upkeep), don't get my nails done.
Dye my own very dark brown hair just to cover the greys.
In this sort of weather, I'm usually in jeans or leggings and a long top with a cardigan, or maybe a hoodie. The last time I wore heels was at a wedding 4 years ago, I own a pair of boots with a slight heel on and that's it.
Usually in trainers, brogues or pumps.
Anyway, I see so many women in make up, long hair, 'feminine' outfits. My clothes are fitted but I don't wear skirts regularly, I like dresses but usually if it's hot and sunny, same with shorts.
I have no idea how people afford salon highlights, false nails, eyelashes and fake tan every month!
Anyway, I've started wondering recently if I should make more effort. I wonder if I look really bland, I'm 32. Interested to know if anyone else has this sort of approach.
I shower and wash my hair daily, always use deodorant and body spray etc, so that's never an issue.

*and I forgot to add- have fun. Wear what makes YOU feel good. It should be enjoyable and boost your confidence. I see too many women feeling like they're not good at being a woman because they don't know how to apply BAFTA-ready makeup or dress like Kate Middleton.

Please yourself first and foremost. I love red lipstick, and not everybody does. Not everyone 'gets' what we like. And that's not the point.

I voted YABU because wtf? Have I missed a few decades in a time warp? And i honestly thought it was just me that thought 'wimmin's rights' had gone backwards a bit.

Even in the 80s we wore what we wanted with nary a care about any 'inity', nothing like the paloozah of a mess that people wade through, with or without any 'anxiety'.

If that's progress, I'll wait a bit more, just in case some sensible people have a say that's heard.

I do what I like. I was so pleased to get a cheap pair of timberlands on a site as I'd never had a pair and someone commented yeah, well people sell things cheap when they are out of fashion. I was quick and said well I don't give a shit what anyone else says so fine by me and walked away.

Personally I don’t like the “made an effort” look.

i don’t understand it either. I actually prefer the “experimental” looks- I always think teen goths can look amazing, or very strong colours.

I go for comfort. Loose trousers, vest top, fleece. Occasionally I will wear a dress or a skirt, particularly if I’m sitting down for a while as no waistband.

don’t care.

Yes I wondered why onefinemess was rolling their eyes too.

I guess it was at a woman having the temerity to be comfortable with herself and knowing she is already feminine without any accoutrements

Anyway CalistoNoSolo good for you.

An armful and legful of tattoos are not feminine looking.

Yes absolutely, what @sadsack78 said.

When I go on a night/day out, I am the hippy goth I always was and always will be at heart.

But to pop to the shops? I love being able to do that with a clean face (relatively new experience for me).

We can be different incarnations for all our different situations. That's what being feminine is all about - it's not one look. It is however you want to look, and whenever you want to look that way.

I also am with @Hailingfrequenciesopen and buy cheap trainers on ebay etc. Those of us who buy cheap, care little for the opinion of those who pay money for making a fashion statement. A great high impact trainer will always be a great high impact trainer. But the function only matters if you are using it for that purpose and not for 'clout'.

Present yourself as you like, OP, in as many ways as you like. So if you feel bland, by all means don't be! But do it out of being YOU, not out of some idea of what 'feminine' is. You are female. Whatever you do is thus feminine.

OP, you don’t need all that “stuff”. I dress like you, though in recent years have gone for mono-colour outfits. Being all in blue or whatever gives me the boost I need.

I'm 51. Usually wear jeans, hoodies and trainers. Very short unvarnished nails ( for work). No make up. Used to have my hair cut on a grade four but was accosted by two ladies running one morning who insisted I was their mate john- until I turned round. I have HH boobs.
I'm now scouting around for an easy care "feminine" hairstyle.
I'm comfy in my own skin though.

I dress for comfort... So usually a pair of comfortable trousers, a tee and a hoodie or jumper. I dislike anything flouncy or frilly, and I feel a bit stupid wearing anything like that. I wear minimal makeup, have boring hair and only own a few bits of jewellery.

I'm pretty happy with it though. My OH wouldn't dare comment either way (pretty sure he doesn't care/notice what I'm wearing). My life has been in no way hindered by my choices to date, so all is good 😊. I hope you are happy too OP.

I try to wear things that make me happy. One of these things is a patterned DMs - they certainly aren't feminine, but they are fun, they make me smile, they make other people smile and I get lots of compliments on them. A win all round.

More fool the slaves to the feminine ideal imo! Who wants to waste money on fake tan, lip fillers, Botox, waxing, fake nails, blow dryer etc? Men don't need to do this shit, women don't need to either.

This all sounds great!
I do feel better, thank you.

This. Who bloody cares?

Depends on the tats. Also 🙄

You sound fine OP. In fact, you sound very much like me in your choice of clothes, no make-up - but I don't even bother dyeing my hair, never have done. As a child my friend and I were often being mistaken for boys with our short hair and constantly wearing shorts.

I don't feel unfeminine at all, and I don't look masculine. I just can't be bothered with any phaffing around. I'm almost 64 and have no plans to change now.

Ps - I have about 20 tattoos. They are for me and no one else.

I'm not particularly fashionable or feminine in my style, but am very comfortable I do admire the women I know who make more of an effort and are way more stylish and polished than me, but I just cannot be arsed and tbh the idea of trotting around in high heels or wearing fake eyelashes terrifies me slightly.

But anyway isn't the joy of adulthood that you can be whoever you want??

I know I rarely look 'feminine' in your sense of the word. I do colour my hair and it's now back to shoulder length, having been very short for years. I wear a fair amount of pink. But I rarely wear skirts or dresses, rarely use make up, never wear heels, don't like anything figure hugging or obviously 'sexy'. Have never had a manicure, last wore nail varnish about 5 years ago. I like to make an effort every now and then to look smart but honestly life isn't about how you look, it's about what you do. I despair that so many women think they're doing something wrong if they don't look a certain way. My MIL actually says she thinks it's a woman's duty to look pretty. Fuck. That. Shit.

I think one of the joys is that we get to choose which bits we like, and what we can't be bothered with.
I have never had a spray tan or false eyelashes. I get my hair coloured regularly, but couldn't tell you the last time I bothered to blow dry it. I like wearing dresses for work because they're easy and I'm lazy, never wear heels though. At weekends I'm wearing the jeans and trainers that have been the same for 25 years.
Don't wear much make up but love a bright lipstick. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.

My appearance doesn't change my character, or my ability. Whether other people like my choices is irrelevant, it's not my job to make them happy.

Why don't you practise building someone up without tearing down others appearance. It's an easy skill to learn and goes a long way.

It's just the fashion at the moment.

I was a teenager in the 1990s and started going clubbing in the late 90s. I was usually one of the most done up, glam one in the club. All I did was straighten my hair, wear make up and a dress. But in the 1990s it was a lot more casual and a lot of people were still a bit grungy/indie and I wasnt.

Nowadays, if went to a club like that I'd be one of the least dressed up, glam women there. Now it's all fillers, extensions, etc.

Even dh has noticed this. Decades ago he said he was always one of the biggest guys on a night out in terms of muscle...he doesn't work out, he's just fairly naturally athletic. However if he goes out nowadays he says he is one of the least big guys as so many are now working out ridiculous amounts, on protein shakes and steroids.

I blame social media

Daily I’m a jeans and T-shirt person but often people are shocked when they see me on a night out then I’m dresses, or shirt and pleathers- lovely jewellery, hair and make up done, it makes me feel good about myself.

its interesting to see how the world responds to you when you’re more done up eg if I’m in a smart dress at school pick up after a work meeting - both men and women respond to me differently. Combats and T-shirts or my gym wear doesn’t get the same response!

I was watching a Tik Tok & a female influencer said that she had to look immaculate everywhere that she went. This included hair, make up, nails, clothes etc

I am the polar opposite
Nothing fake, all natural
I wear what I like & feel comfortable in, except at work due to a dress code

Do you want to? If you do, go for it.
If you don't, no need.
There are plenty of women with more individual styles.