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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People coming over unannounced

82 replies

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 21/07/2023 15:31

AIBU to absolutely HATE people coming over unannounced?
Is this normal?
Like it literally enrages me.
Just let me know. How hard is it! I would never just turn up at someones house without checking with them first.

OP posts:
MrsMcisaCt · 21/07/2023 18:46

RitzyMcFitzy · 21/07/2023 16:52

I need 15 mins notice to makes things look presentable and to bundle my afternoon gentleman caller out the door.

😂 Can't you just hide him in the wardrobe?

Ultraviolet85 · 21/07/2023 18:46

Can’t stand it! Can put money on the house looking like a bomb has hit it when it happens too! Or it’s a Sunday were we’ve said it’s just a pj day while getting jobs done. No one ever door steps when the house has been scrubbed top to bottom!

ReliantRobyn · 21/07/2023 18:49

I think it's strange to not open the door to an unexpected visitor out of politeness. How unwelcoming. Basic manners to say hello to a friend.

Daphnis156 · 21/07/2023 18:51

Don't like it, except in some emergency.

I once had a slight holiday acquaintance turn up with his sister whom I'd never met. This was because I was politely refusing a visit from him!

I made sure to never contact him again. Absolute cheek!

I8toys · 21/07/2023 18:53

Hate it. Guaranteed the house will be a shit tip and I'll look like I've been living in a cave since Covid.

RampantIvy · 21/07/2023 18:54

My house is reasonably tidy most of the time these days as DD is now an adult and living elsewhere.

Bethany7 · 21/07/2023 19:01

Absolutely agree with you O.P.... It also enrages me, however for some strange reason I end up being overly polite... "oh no it's lovely to see you, you are always welcome etc etc..."
Then I feel further enraged at myself and what I am outwardly saying...

lovemyselfmore · 21/07/2023 19:31

This reply has been deleted

This user is a troll so we have deleted their posts and threads.

Merveille · 21/07/2023 21:37

Bethany7 · 21/07/2023 19:01

Absolutely agree with you O.P.... It also enrages me, however for some strange reason I end up being overly polite... "oh no it's lovely to see you, you are always welcome etc etc..."
Then I feel further enraged at myself and what I am outwardly saying...

So they have no idea they’re enraging you, think ‘Oh, Bethany is so welcoming!’ and call again?

PTSDBarbiegirl · 21/07/2023 21:44

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 21/07/2023 15:31

AIBU to absolutely HATE people coming over unannounced?
Is this normal?
Like it literally enrages me.
Just let me know. How hard is it! I would never just turn up at someones house without checking with them first.

YANBU I cannot bear it. I will probably not answer the door on the rare ocassions it happens. A close relative of DP popped down unannounced every weekend for about 5 years. The relationship hugely deteriorated and this was part of it. We both found it really really invasive and after it was exhausting. I asked friends and family to call if they are popping in to let me know as I struggle with unexpected events. It ruins my day and I've considered moving cities to avoid it. Bit extreme I suppose.

Hayliebells · 21/07/2023 21:54

YANBU. It's really rude imo.

sooverthisshit · 21/07/2023 21:54

I hate it but I’ll be honest it’s because my house is SO messy. Very very messy.

Is this the same for a lot of others who don’t like it? Just wondering.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 21/07/2023 21:58

It never happens to me lol

Hayliebells · 21/07/2023 21:59

No, my house isn't messy. It's inconsiderate, like their time and convenience are more important than mine. The polite thing to do is message/ring to check it's a convenience time, end of. I don't care if some people think it's fine and they wouldn't mind it. I'm busy, therefore I will most likely be busy, and it's awkward to turn someone away on the doorstep. Don't be a selfish rude person, and call first, it's not hard!

Agii · 21/07/2023 21:59

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 21/07/2023 16:07

I love unexpected visitors but people on MN barely answer the door it seems !

I might not like to be disturbed at certain times, but I think it's nice to have a surprise visitor every now and then ! Dropping a message to check shortly before hand works the best, can say yes or no immediately 😌
I find it hard to plan each meet-up weeks ahead, gives me anxiety that I have too much on!

Wenfy · 21/07/2023 22:01

I usually walk around unshowered in just my pants and a t-shirt so need just enough notice to become presentable. It annoys me when people don’t even give me 5 mins.

sooverthisshit · 21/07/2023 22:19

@Hayliebells I agree about the awkwardness of turning people away. It’s not easy to do and I’m making an assumption here but I think that a lot of people who hate unexpected visitors for reasons surrounding neurodiversity are also the types who will struggle to assert themselves to tell someone to ‘get lost’. I don’t mean you when I say this btw! Very much me!

TuesdayWonder · 21/07/2023 22:26

Hate this! I don't have an 'insta perfect' tidy home 24/7! Would much prefer notice so I can sort the washing, get the dishes away etc and also make sure I have refreshments in i.e. tea/coffee as I don't drink this personally.

I would always drop someone a message to see if they are available before going round but most times I offer to meet-up outside at places like starbucks as that can be easier

Bethany7 · 21/07/2023 22:29

yes exactly and that's why I further enrage myself by how I react!!

RitzyMcFitzy · 21/07/2023 22:29

MrsMcisaCt · 21/07/2023 18:46

😂 Can't you just hide him in the wardrobe?

Show quote history

he'd start rustling and clattering and then he'd fall over. Grin

Bethany7 · 21/07/2023 22:30

I've just remembered this and not sure if it's already been said but they said you should answer the door with your coat on. If it's someone you like you say you have just got home, if it isn't you say you are on your way out!!

Hayliebells · 21/07/2023 22:32

Genius @Bethany7!

Bethany7 · 21/07/2023 22:34

Isn't it!
I can't take credit for it, someone told me this years ago and I have just remembered it!

AndTheSurveySays · 21/07/2023 22:41

I've just remembered this and not sure if it's already been said but they said you should answer the door with your coat on. If it's someone you like you say you have just got home, if it isn't you say you are on your way out!!

Going to look a bit funny if you're the type of person that wears pyjamas around the house.

Mama678 · 21/07/2023 23:43

I think its really rude tbh

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