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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

People coming over unannounced

82 replies

TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 21/07/2023 15:31

AIBU to absolutely HATE people coming over unannounced?
Is this normal?
Like it literally enrages me.
Just let me know. How hard is it! I would never just turn up at someones house without checking with them first.

OP posts:
RitzyMcFitzy · 21/07/2023 16:52

I need 15 mins notice to makes things look presentable and to bundle my afternoon gentleman caller out the door.

RampantIvy · 21/07/2023 17:04

(Bonus points for an 'only on Mumsnet do people not answer the door' if anyone suggests this course of action.)

It's true though Grin
It doesn't bother me, but we very rarely get unannounced visitors anyway.

5foot5 · 21/07/2023 17:08

No I would not care for this either but I think being "enraged" is a rather extreme reaction.

Merveille · 21/07/2023 17:12

No, OP, about 96% of Mn regards callers who don’t give lengthy advance notice as an outrageous provocation.

UsingChangeofName · 21/07/2023 17:14

YANBU to dislike it, but I have to say HATE and words like enraged seem an extreme reaction.

Equally, those of us that like people popping in ANBU either. It's just personal preference.

This question is asked so often on here, and you're never going to convince the other side. There's no right or wrong though.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 21/07/2023 17:19

I loathe the way of “popping in”. “Oh, I was just passing…” Well don’t let me stop you! Keep on passing!

StellaJohanna · 21/07/2023 17:21

It happens a lot where I live, in a very small village the middle of nowhere. This morning I found a dozen eggs and some veg from the local farmer in my scullery. He just walked in and left them as a gift. It's how life used to be in the country a long time ago, and I'm used to it. I just have to make sure I'm always dressed. The local massive family of impoverished aristocracy always drop in on people. I don't think anyone ever rings before coming. There is no mobile signal here at all so it's a different culture.

Original poster
TooBusyGazingAtStarss · 21/07/2023 17:31

Just to clarify, yes, it may be extreme to some for me to say that it enrages me, but it honestly does.

I am definitely a dramatic person, but I do have a 3 yr old and 2 yr old who like to trash the living room within 5 minutes of being awake (at 6am or earlier) so forgive me for being enraged if someone randomly decides to pay us a visit without at least giving me some warning.

Thank you.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 21/07/2023 17:34

It depends. If a mate pops in for a coffee on a Saturday morning while I'm pegging washing or unloading the weekly shop, that's absolutely fine. The kettle is always on.

But on a Thursday evening after a tiring day at work when all I want is pasta, wine & bed, I'd take a pretty dim view.

But all my friends know that, so it's seldom a problem. 😊

The two weeks before Xmas is the only time I welcome impromptu visitors in the evening. Even then, they'll get a glass of wine, a mince pie and an hour's chat before I make 'must get on with the wrapping' noises.

Cas112 · 21/07/2023 17:36

HATE

Shoss · 21/07/2023 17:36

I hate unexpected guests too. I'm an introvert and highly value my alone time to relax and unwind. It's not as unusual as Mumsnet would have us believe.

My friends know to plan visits ahead of time and that I will ignore an unexpected ring of the doorbell if I have already planned time alone. The only person who gave me a hard time about my boundaries was a tightfisted older man with a penchant for turning up unexpectedly just before lunch or dinner.

squigpopp · 21/07/2023 17:51

I genuinely think for me I get so frustrated because it only ever seems to be when the house is messy that people call, which really embarrasses me. I then start to act al jittery because I'm uncomfortable. I really hate it when guests follow you into kitchen when you go to make tea/coffee 🤬 or walk upstairs to your bathroom that hasn't been cleaned

Wishyouwerehere30 · 21/07/2023 17:59

Worst of all at my mums house (Ireland) people call in unannounced and just walk right in the front door!!!!! It drives me crazy!

stayathomer · 21/07/2023 18:01

I don’t adore it either but the only times it’s happened (three different people in the 20 years I’ve lived here)it was people who went off route because they realised they could visit me and we had the best time (even though I spent the whole time apologising for the state of the place)

Vegemiteandhoneyontoast · 21/07/2023 18:15

All through childhood, my privacy was constantly breached, sometimes violently, and I value what privacy I have very greatly. Unexpected callers have me flying into a panic and it can take me a while to calm down, so if no one is expected I often don't answer the door.

Mamai90 · 21/07/2023 18:19

I hate it too.

I think it's rude and the only friend who ever turns up unannounced is the one friend who has never invited me to her house in 6 years even though we are life long friends and if I ever suggest dropping in she says I'll come to you to save you the hassle (I don't drive). She's turned up with her lovely kids in tow and I wouldn't have the heart to send them away.

verabarbleen · 21/07/2023 18:19

It's strange because I hate it (it doesn't really happen to me ) but I remember in the 90s as a kid it was very common and I have nice memories from just having family and friends just pop in! My mum probably didn't feel the same 😂

SpainToday · 21/07/2023 18:22

It’s the height of rudeness and I hate it

Bagpuss2022 · 21/07/2023 18:30

Hate it I don’t like anyone turning up unannounced I am a very anxious person and don’t leave the house much at all so there’s no pretending I’m not in.
funny enough I don’t mind the kids friends popping by as I don’t have to entertain them.
I have a carer that comes a few times a week (MH) and she never has set times that drives me mad too could be 10am one Monday then the next Monday be 3pm

TSPAOIFA · 21/07/2023 18:35

I HATE it. If I can get away with it (if I’m not near the front door or front windows) I don’t answer the door. Doesn’t stop some of them yelling through the letterbox or repeatedly ringing my phone to try and force me to answer though. I’ve even had people show up in the middle of Christmas dinner unannounced. Some people are very rude.
I would never turn up to someone’s house without texting/phoning first.

RampantIvy · 21/07/2023 18:37

It's not as unusual as Mumsnet would have us believe.

It isn't at all unusual on mumsnet. There are a lot of extremely introverted people who post on here, so the norm on these threads is most posters hate unnanounced visitors.

If you hate it just say "Sorry, I'm busy can you let me know before you want to call next time". It isn't difficult.

neverenoughchelseaboots · 21/07/2023 18:39

I love it.

Eloweeese · 21/07/2023 18:39

Hate it

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 21/07/2023 18:41

Hate it.

Worst thing for me is when my exh does it. He lives nearby so really easy for him to do.

Worst thing is he brings his toddler now so much harder to turn him away, as toddler wants to see his siblings.

RitzyMcFitzy · 21/07/2023 18:41

StellaJohanna · 21/07/2023 17:21

It happens a lot where I live, in a very small village the middle of nowhere. This morning I found a dozen eggs and some veg from the local farmer in my scullery. He just walked in and left them as a gift. It's how life used to be in the country a long time ago, and I'm used to it. I just have to make sure I'm always dressed. The local massive family of impoverished aristocracy always drop in on people. I don't think anyone ever rings before coming. There is no mobile signal here at all so it's a different culture.

Well that would be quite the meet cute. 'I was standing naked in the scullery one morning when Farmer Giles strode in with a dozen freshly laid eggs.'