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Original poster

Missing my child’s birthday for new job

71 replies

PrettyPleaseXo · 21/07/2023 11:17

I feel absolutely dreadful.
I’m a single mum and start a new job next month after waiting months and months so it can’t be put off. The day after I start is my daughters 5th birthday and I’m working 9-5 meaning I leave the house at 7am and don’t get back till 6pm.
how would you work this in terms of celebrating? presents? Cake? Etc. my mum is looking after her for me and my eldest as it’s school holidays obviously.
the plan was to take her to butlins with her brother for the day so I’m going to do that at the weekend instead I just feel awful that her actual birthday is going to be shit basically
please be nice I feel awful

OP posts:
Restlessinthenorth · 21/07/2023 11:20

At 5 she won't know if it's her actual birthday or not. I'd celebrate it at the weekend and say nothing !

mindutopia · 21/07/2023 11:21

Just have a dinner and cake for her with presents at dinner time. I don't think this is different from most parents. Most children are in school for their birthdays at that age (as unlikely to be during school holidays) and most parents work. You'll be home after work like most people are. Make her a special tea, do cake, open presents. Go to Butlins for a weekend not in school holidays (nightmare!) and do a party with friends at the weekend.

Original poster
PrettyPleaseXo · 21/07/2023 11:21

Restlessinthenorth · 21/07/2023 11:20

At 5 she won't know if it's her actual birthday or not. I'd celebrate it at the weekend and say nothing !

I was thinking of doing this but didn’t know if it made me an awful person! Haha

OP posts:
IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 21/07/2023 11:21

Restlessinthenorth · 21/07/2023 11:20

At 5 she won't know if it's her actual birthday or not. I'd celebrate it at the weekend and say nothing !

My 5 year old definitely knew what day/date his birthday was but maybe that's not common.

I'd do presents and a cake after you get home? And then maybe a little party on your day off to make a big deal out of it?

CindersAgain · 21/07/2023 11:22

I would also try and move it. I think that makes you a nice person.

elenacampana · 21/07/2023 11:23

Get your mum to do something nice with her during the day, then you appear for balloons, a nice tea, cake and presents. Do something lovely at the weekend and continue to make a big fuss! She doesn’t really know when her birthday is and she’ll enjoy having two special days (one with her nan) and then one with you at the weekend.

Hope you enjoy the new job! Get everything ready for her birthday before you start!

QforCucumber · 21/07/2023 11:23

Mine knows his birthday but also knows that DH and I work so we've always just done a little cake after dinner on the birthday and then Pizza Hut for dinner the weekend closest to the actual birthday (pizza hut has become our birthday 'thing')

CindersAgain · 21/07/2023 11:23

The only question would be whether your eldest will drop you in it.

jeaux90 · 21/07/2023 11:23

Special dinner/cake etc on the evening, celebrating at the weekend.

Up early for breakfast and a present etc if you can make it work.

I'm a lone parent and been doing it that way for years.

Original poster
PrettyPleaseXo · 21/07/2023 11:25

Thanks everyone

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 21/07/2023 11:25

I’m sure your child will love a 2 day birthday celebration. So on the day, celebrate with a cake and nice meal at dinner time and make a fuss about you taking her to Butlins for her birthday at the weekend as that’s the best time to have all the fun. She’ll be happy

LilyLemonade · 21/07/2023 11:26

Once your DD has gone to bed the night before you can set out a special birthday breakfast with decorations, cards, fairy lights, balloons etc - then she will wake up to festivities even if you've had to rush off to work!

qazxc · 21/07/2023 11:27

Put up a few balloons and banners. Turn Dinner into party food and Birthday cake. Open presents.
Then have the day out as her birthday treat at the weekend.
As PP have said most kids will have their birthday on school week day, so going out at the weekend is entirely normal.

misspositivepants · 21/07/2023 11:28

Just do something small after work and celebrate fully at the weekend. Most kids who have term time birthday would be at school so this wouldn’t be that unusual really

Toobusytoocare · 21/07/2023 11:32

Two birthday celebrations.Nice day out with Grandma during day .Cake ,presents etc after you finish work . Birthday treat at the weekend. I certainly wouldn’t change the day and pretend it’s not her Birthday .

Original poster
PrettyPleaseXo · 21/07/2023 11:32

Thanks again everyone all my precious jobs have been term time only so haven’t had to worry about this before

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 21/07/2023 11:33

My husband and I worked on our child's birthday and celebrated in the evening I thought that was normal life?

LobsterCrab · 21/07/2023 11:34

I wouldn't pretend it was a different day, but I do think it's absolutely fine to celebrate on a different day and just have a small celebration on the day itself. In fact it's really common! Don't feel guilty OP.

calmcoco · 21/07/2023 11:34

This is completely normal, you give presents very early, you have a big cake for tea nd you do a birthday treat at the weekend.

Congrats on the new job and enjoy the birthday treats.

LightDrizzle · 21/07/2023 11:35

Can’t vote as I’m not sure what each option implies but this is very normal and won’t damage your daughter at all! Not one bit!
Celebratory dinner with cake.
Wake her up with a kiss and card and a tiny teaser present in bed to bookend her day.

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 21/07/2023 11:35

Make a birthday fuss of her at the weekend and ask your mum to do something with her for a birthday treat on her actual birthday.
I don't think it's a big issue really!

fluffi · 21/07/2023 11:36

This is fine. All other children would normally have to celebrate their birthdays at the weekend (if they were lucky enough to get a full day out for a birthday) on a non-school anyway because they would be in school themselves.

LadinLee · 21/07/2023 11:38

Get your mum to do something nice with her during the day, then you appear for balloons, a nice tea, cake and presents.

This^
Just make a big fuss in the evening and it will be fine. She'll still have had a wonderful day
Good luck with the new job

HollaHolla · 21/07/2023 11:39

Restlessinthenorth · 21/07/2023 11:20

At 5 she won't know if it's her actual birthday or not. I'd celebrate it at the weekend and say nothing !

This. Especially as it's the holidays. Easier to convince them it's a different day! 😁

awmum2b · 21/07/2023 11:57

I think my family have never made a huge deal of birthdays, it's hard when they're in the summer holidays and you have the whole day you can focus on but a lot of children have theirs on a school day and I've always worked mine...so it's something that fits into life and you absolutely shouldn't feel awful about not devoting the whole day to it. You are still celebrating in multiple ways and just extending the celebration really.

I was working on my daughters 5th birthday and she was at nursery. So the night before I did some balloons and a banner so when she came downstairs it felt birthday-ish and then she got 1 present in the morning and her cards (mainly as she wouldn't have time to play and I didn't want to wrench her away from her new toys), she got a soft toy she could take with her to nursery (we're in Scotland, they start school a bit later here btw)

Once I collected her we had a birthday tea and a small cake and she got to open the rest of her presents. She had a party at the weekend with her nursery friends.

I think your trip to Butlins at the weekend sounds like a brilliant birthday celebration.