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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To go NC after no wedding invite

66 replies

Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:24

so my sister got married during covid but when you were allowed people to attend weddings (a small group were allowed). She got married with her sister and brother in law but she did it invite me or my family. We are fairly close until then. It was so hurtful I can’t get over it. It feels that she chose her partners family over mine, and I can’t bring myself to forgive her. AIBU to go NC over it? I feel our relationship is broken.

OP posts:
Holly60 · 20/07/2023 22:25

That does seem really hard. Have you asked her why she did that?

Aquamarine1029 · 20/07/2023 22:27

Goodness. That's very odd. What are the specifics? Do you live close to one another? Had you had a falling out near to the time?

HedgesNotFences · 20/07/2023 22:28

It’s impossible for us to answer OP as we don’t know the full story.
I always feel it’s best to forgive and move on if at all possible it obviously that depends on what the full story is.

Wertie · 20/07/2023 22:29

I can’t imagine being close enough to feel vital to the wedding, yet still find it easy to go NC over one day. I don’t get it, I can only presume there’s a massive backstory

ThinWomansBrain · 20/07/2023 22:30

timelines/my memory of what was allowed when are a bit iffy (no, I'm not Boris), but I assume that this was a couple of years ago; you're still fuming but haven't discussed it with her?
how many people was she able to invite?

Lonecatwithkitten · 20/07/2023 22:31

How small was she allowed? We were allowed 5 people and it was still technically in lock down so people were not supposed to travel - the exact details are important.

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/07/2023 22:33

It was years ago, what’s happened in the time since?

PauliesWalnuts · 20/07/2023 22:35

I was allowed 12 people at my brother’s funeral during Covid. Who should I have invited - his family, or his friends? She was in a horrible position to have to make that decision. Just let it go. Wish her the best for a long and happy marriage, and mean it. Life is too short to go non-contact over something like this.

Ponoka7 · 20/07/2023 22:37

So a year ago? Why NC now and not then? Why haven't you asked for an explanation?

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 20/07/2023 22:38

You're allowed to be upset and hurt and she's allowed to invite whom ever she wants to her wedding. Going NC sounds very drastic

Original poster
Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:39

So it was at a time when 30 guests were allowed at the reception. I guess the backstory is that we were close before she got together with he now husband, but he is quite controlling and when things got serious with them our contact dwindled. Then covid hit. He is very religious. She was not at the time. I believe they didn’t invite my family as we are atheists and they didn’t want us there for that reason, plus I had a toddler at the time. So they got married with his sister and brother in law there who are also very religious, and his pastor. No one from our family.

OP posts:
FlowersInTheSky · 20/07/2023 22:39

Well there’s a backstory here somewhere. What aren’t you telling us?

FlowersInTheSky · 20/07/2023 22:40

Okay, so you know it was her husband’s influence. So why would you be a dick to her about it?

UndercoverCop · 20/07/2023 22:40

I wouldn't be angry, I'd be worried about your sister!!

Original poster
Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:41

And I have tried to talk about it a couple of times since but she doesn’t get why I am upset and blames it on covid. I can’t keep going through old stuff. I was thinking of going NC because I don’t want to see her husband. I’m so angry at him. He has now converted her apparently so she has gone from serious scientist to evangelical Christian in a couple of years. I just can’t seem to get past it. I guess going NC is easier and less sad than seeing her being someone she’s really not.

OP posts:
OnlyFannys · 20/07/2023 22:42

My sister didn't invite me to hers but it was way before covid. Apparently she had only invited my mum and dad and her partners parents due to keep costs down but my dad just invited my brother anyway and then her partners parents invited the partners siblings so in the end I was the only one in immediate families who ended up being excluded. Again very close to my sister so I was very hurt but in the end I decided to move past it as (if I take everyone at their word) it does sound like a misunderstanding about the other siblings going and not me rather than deliberate but it still stings. The next year my mum got married and also didn't invite me but at least that time none of my siblings were invited 🙃

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/07/2023 22:42

but he is quite controlling So don't you think the decent thing to do would be to try and maintain contact? She may well be in need of help in the future.

Original poster
Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:42

And please be gentle. I love her but can’t keep being upset by her denials about the wedding and him. I’m not being a dick.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:44

Well she velodrome married him knowing he’s controlling. There’s not much I can do about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:44

Bloody! Not velodrome!?

OP posts:
Original poster
Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:45

@OnlyFannys good on you. I wish I could. It just hurts so much.

OP posts:
FlowersInTheSky · 20/07/2023 22:45

Welliouta · 20/07/2023 22:42

And please be gentle. I love her but can’t keep being upset by her denials about the wedding and him. I’m not being a dick.

You are. You know your sister is in a vulnerable relationship and you’re plan is to fuck off and leave her to it over a bullshit perceived slight Confused

FlowersInTheSky · 20/07/2023 22:45

*your

Merveille · 20/07/2023 22:47

You’re being extremely petty. You say yourself she’s in a controlling relationship. Rather than being sympathetic you’re planning to cut her off from a source of family support because she didn’t invite you to her wedding to a controlling prick?

CornishTiger · 20/07/2023 22:48

Your sister needs you to stick around and bite your tongue. When the Penny finally starts to drop be there for her. Don’t go no contact. That’s exactly what the abuser wants!