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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Living next door to in-laws

56 replies

nowtherearethree · 19/07/2023 22:35

My DH has seen a property in a large city which is absolutely beautiful only issue is that it is next door to his parents. I get on really well with them they are lovely and kind but my DH wonders if it will be too close for comfort. For information they are retired and he is there only son. We have three children so in some ways it will be useful to us as well. They are delighted at the prospect but DH is unsure. Is it too close to live?

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 19/07/2023 22:36

Yep

olympicsrock · 19/07/2023 22:36

Way too close….

MiladyBlue · 19/07/2023 22:37

Don’t do it.

Summer2424 · 19/07/2023 22:37

Hi @nowtherearethree tbh i wouldn't buy a house next door my in laws.

Cosycover · 19/07/2023 22:40

I would.

Youremyshininglight · 19/07/2023 22:41

It's going to be different for everyone depending on the personalities involved. My in laws have moved a few houses down from us and it's great. However I love them and they are incredibly kind respectful people. It makes it very easy to help them out when needed and vice versa!

Original poster
nowtherearethree · 19/07/2023 22:43

Thank you for your replies. Would you explain why you gave your answer. I don't think they would interfere with our lives and I do wonder if the good would outweigh the bad

OP posts:
Doingmybest12 · 19/07/2023 22:43

It's good that he is asking if it is too close rather than assuming you'll happily go along with it. I would say go into it with your eyes open and boundaries set if you want to make it work. What do they think?

BlackFlyChardonnay · 19/07/2023 22:45

Not even read anything beyond the title of your post and, no, NO, do not move next door to your inlaws. Even if you think they're ace, just no.

Original poster
nowtherearethree · 19/07/2023 22:46

They are delighted but have said it is our decision. They are actually really nice people. They did say if there was any issues they would want to talk about it rather than brush it under the carpet

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 19/07/2023 22:46

Personally, I think at least 100 miles is the right distance from parents, and then you only have to see them occasionally and they can't interfere in or judge you.
The thought of living next door just fills me with horror - you will have zero privacy. Oh, and probably end up as carers too.

Icequeen01 · 19/07/2023 22:51

I live next door to my mum and have done for over 20 years. She was moving to be nearer to us as my DF had left her and she had no one nearer than 2 hours away. I found out I was pregnant and the house next door went up for sale. DH suggested it would be good for my DM to buy it. When I had DS she became our childminder and looked after my DS in his

Createausername1970 · 19/07/2023 22:52

It's a bit close. I guess it really depends on how much you value your privacy if they are the type to appear in the door step at all hours.

There are advantages of course. Having family close by is useful, and as they age it will be easier than trying to manage any care etc., from a distance, especially if DH is an only child. The reverse of that is that you might get dragged into situations you would rather avoid.

If you get on well with them, then it's worth considering, but you need to have an honest conversation with them to make sure you are all happy with the same boundaries.

Icequeen01 · 19/07/2023 22:55

Sorry pressed too soon

Looked after DS in his own home. She took him to school each day as DH and I had quite a commute to work. Fast forward to now and my DM is needing support and she joins us for meals most evenings but is still able to live fairly independently due to the fact I live next door.

It was a win win for us.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 19/07/2023 22:56

There is not a cat in hell's chance I'd love next door to my in laws but then we don't like them all that much so....

If we had a good relationship with them and they had a good relationship with our children then I wouldn't see it as an issue really.

Tilllly · 19/07/2023 23:25

They'd discuss any issues - that sounds like a win to me

Worst case scenario, you move!

BeaLola · 19/07/2023 23:33

Completely depends on personalities involved - could be amazing and handy and lovely - if it were my late Mum and my Dad yes as they would respect boundaries

If it were my late in-laws my husband (only child) would have vetoed it as they would have driven him and me mad - especially FIL - sort of person who would just invite himself in all the time whether appropriate or not

In your situation sounds like it could be a win win

Totalwasteofpaper · 19/07/2023 23:39

Is it literally next door or the same street.

I think depending on garden privacy and assuming they are good sensible people i might not mind but if you are overlooked / the usual level of semi detachec /narrow garden privacy i wouldnt love it

TheFutureFreaksMeOut · 19/07/2023 23:40

We actually live next door to my husband's parents and it's great! My son can just pop next door whenever, and they don't show up unannounced. It's just super handy having them there for lots of reasons

UsingChangeofName · 19/07/2023 23:54

Firstly, were you looking to move to a larger house / to this City, and it just happens that this house has come up?
or
Is the sole purpose of the move "to move next door to them" ?

As the 2nd option puts a whole lot more pressure on, than the first. Even more so if you are moving away from the dcs' schools / activities / childcare / friends and your commutes / hobbies / friends etc.

Personally, I wouldn't move next door to my in-laws, but I know 2 families who have done this and they absolutely love it.
From what you say, it sounds like his parents would totally respect the boundaries.

Sugarfree23 · 19/07/2023 23:59

A few minutes walk away maybe, next door No. I'd hate to be that close that they'd know every movement, it could be suffocating for your kids.

The tale of a now very elderly woman, and her daughters who are all pushing retirement. The mum was widowed young, and though it was a good idea to move with her 3 little daughters into her mothers. Great when the kids were young, nightmare when they were teens, music too loud, too much makeup, granny interfering with them gaining independence, being upset at them bei g out late etc.

And i know its slightly different being next door, but they'll still hear the taxi turning up at who knows what time, friends coming and going.

LuckyCats · 20/07/2023 00:02

Fuck that for a laugh. I wouldn’t want to live that close to my own family let alone in-laws.
grandparents can be helpful without living next door.
Dont do it.

Orders76 · 20/07/2023 00:09

If you can have a conversation now with them, and absolutely expect to be left alone, then it's a potential.
The possibility of expectations is always lurking.

purpleboy · 20/07/2023 00:13

We live next door to my parents, it work so well for us. They have provided childcare so we could run our business. They don't interfere or come by uninvited. My dad is now quite ill and I'll be forever grateful those nights we've needed to call an ambulance or he had a fall, that we could be there to support them both, I would hate to image how scared mum would've been on her own.
The relationship they have with our children is so close, they would literally do anything for their grandparents.
We're so lucky.

Confusedmeanderings · 20/07/2023 01:48

We lived next door but two from my parents. It worked really well. As they got older it was really easy to support them, especially when my mum passed away and Dad was on his own. We were all really careful though to respect each others space and not live in each others pockets. Having said that, my mum did have a gift for ringing the doorbell just as we were having a bit of afternoon sex 😚