Living next door to in-laws

[nowtherearethree]

My DH has seen a property in a large city which is absolutely beautiful only issue is that it is next door to his parents. I get on really well with them they are lovely and kind but my DH wonders if it will be too close for comfort. For information they are retired and he is there only son. We have three children so in some ways it will be useful to us as well. They are delighted at the prospect but DH is unsure. Is it too close to live?

If they recognise that it could be problematic then half the potential problem already isn't there, because it doesn't sound like they would be interfering.

Basically the problems can be if they judge you, if they will feel they can pop in whenever they want to even if you don't want them to, if they try to take over things, etc.

But if they're respectful, check whether it's ok to drop on it are happy to agree to a "not before 10 am or after 8 pm" kind of rule then you might be ok. Only you can judge.

My ex and I lived in the coach house of his parents' property and they were very respectful of our privacy. As a result when we lived overseas I was happy to have them stay with us for several month stretches at a time (not saying it was always easy, mind you!!)

Don't do it, I lived round the corner from my in laws & it was a nightmare, no privacy, they just kept turning up, it got worse after ds was born.

what are the houses like? I assume detached from your brief comment? I mean, if it were a small terrace where you could practically hear each other fart, that's very different from 2 houses with gardens between them. If you trust that you can each keep the right distance, then why not?

I would and have lol. Small village of 15 houses 9 of which are my family love having them about but we still respect each others places and privacy aswell not just walk in etc

I wouldn't.

But I'd shoot my in laws into the sun if I could.

Fuck. That

SIL and BIL have lived next door to PIL for twenty years. They were blinded by the free childcare and help on tap over the years.
Now PIL are frail and elderly and payback is expected big time. SIL is permanently on call and doesn't even feel able to leave them to go on holiday.
Not to mention older teen nephews who have been completely irritated by their over involvement over the years. Certainly no special GP relationship there. No novelty in seeing them.
Do no do it!

Thank you for your replies
Both the properties are detached and the way they are set out you cannot actually see into their garden or them in to ours. We have been looking to move to that area for a little while. The children's could stay at the same private schools. I just Don't know what to do

I wouldn’t do it. My late ILs would have just spent all their time at ours and only gone home to sleep.

I'd do it. My ILs are lovely people and I'd feel able to speak openly with them about not intruding on each other's privacy.

Noooooooooooo!

I live back to back with my parents and a 10 minute walk from MIL and to be honest it is great. They are all there for support but dont just turn up. I did have an agreement with my parents before moving in that even though we can just cut through back we never turn up and expect to stay without a call first just to check plans as we all need our personal space. It has worked well for us.

One of my parents moved onto my street last year. It’s been great. Lovely for our little one too.

It really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Your Husband, their son, feels uncomfortable about it so that's all you need to know. It's great that you get on well with your in laws, but your DH has known them his whole life so if he has reservations about moving in next door to them then you really need to listen to him.

Too close for me. They will hear every conversation you have in your garden, hear if you have a row etc. What if you want to sit in the garden with your girlfriend and all have a moan about your husbands haha. Turning up on your door all the time. There would be zero privacy.

Yes! I know people who have done this and it completely blurs the boundaries. They become completely enmeshed and while they may enjoy the childcare on tap, they then resent the shopping trips/ doctors appointments/ inability to go anywhere without extending the invite to in laws etc. Look elsewhere!

I would. My IL are lovely kind considerate people. I know they wouldn't overstep in the slightest or drop by unannounced. I would be happy to live next to most of our family members tbh.

We live on in laws land so share a garden- it's both a blessing and a curse for many reasons

So they were happy enough to have years of free childcare but now don't want to support Pil now that they're in need.

How fucking selfish.

Completely depends on your relationship with them. We live directly across the road from my husbands parents it’s it’s wonderful. they are lovely people and we all have a great relationship we generally visit them and they don’t overstep. It’s great for quickly needed childcare, eg leaving the kids there while I pop to the shop, when I can’t be arsed dragging a baby and toddler round the shops.

Glad you mentioned that the DC schools were private, I would've wondered about that for ages.

This is exactly the situation I know someone has got themselves in. Quite happy to have their dc minded more than any other dgc by ils but then moans about being asked to take mil/fil to shops/ dr apps. It’s all comes at a price I would not be willing to pay!

I grew up with a similar arrangement - DGPs in a detached house next door. From a child's pov it was fantastic and i'm still very close to my grandparents. If they are lovely i would go for it.

Your dh knows them better than you and thinks it’s too close. That’s a red flag.

I would. My in-laws are lovely.