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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

A child with a lot of personality

186 replies

Wanttogetoffthehamsterwheel · 19/07/2023 21:38

Dd, 5, report stated this…any teachers here (or anyone else) that can read through this teacher speak 😂
Is this a positive or negative thing?

OP posts:
Sherrystrull · 19/07/2023 22:45

Overlycautiousbynature · 19/07/2023 21:46

It means the teacher can't meet your child's needs and finds them challenging and won't miss them when they move up to their new class in September.

This is a very big assumption and very unlikely to be true.

EsmeSusanOgg · 19/07/2023 22:46

As a one liner, it could swing either way. But given the wider context you have posted - it means they like her and she is extroverted.

Sherrystrull · 19/07/2023 22:46

calmcoco · 19/07/2023 21:53

The teacher prefers boring kids, they are probably boring themselves?

This is also a big assumption and most likely wrong.

Piglet89 · 19/07/2023 22:48

Watching with interest: I suspect this could be our son when he starts at school in September!

Interesting that the teachers on the thread view it as a positive.

TheMentionOfYourName · 19/07/2023 22:51

Hope they're still saying that when she's older and finishes school, but l doubt it.
Schools like kids to fit in not stand out, they might as well stamp them all with same barcode.

Crocksnsocks · 19/07/2023 22:53

Personality = confident, friendly, engaging, funny etc

Fairislefandango · 19/07/2023 22:53

The teacher prefers boring kids, they are probably boring themselves?

You think that all the non-'big personality' kids are boring? What an unpleasant attitude to have towards children. There are plenty of quiet, placid or shy children who are easily as interesting and enaging as the loud, confident ones, you know!

jaffacakeany1 · 19/07/2023 22:55

Would you prefer a child with no personality? I certainly wouldn't. I'd be tempted to ask the teacher the same question.

Fairislefandango · 19/07/2023 22:57

It means the teacher can't meet your child's needs and finds them challenging.

Rubbish. Being aware that a child can be challenging is not remotely the same as not being able to meet their needs. Sometimes the needs of a child with a big personality involve learning that they are not the only child in the class who wants to be heard, and that there are times when they need to be quiet and listen.

LolaSmiles · 19/07/2023 22:58

My daughter 4 is very confident a natural born leader, spirited and more of a doer than a thinker - her nursery staff put it politely don't like her as much as others because they most likely are not trained to deal with children who are intellectually and physically ahead of their years.
That's highly, highly unlikely.

We encounter a range of personalities, abilities, and temperaments. We are also trained in teaching across the range of abilities.

The idea that staff don't like children because they're talented is codswallop.

Staff might not find certain behaviours endearing but that has nothing to do with being intelligence and innate leadership qualities.

Child A can have a wonderful gift of including their peers, driving games and play, generating ideas, and coordinating projects. They are friendly and tend to attract other children to them because they're kind, charismatic, listen to others, are respectful and others seem to want to follow their lead because of this.

Child B can be bossy, domineering, and doesn't let other children get a word in edgeways. This child tends to appoint themselves as the child in charge rather than their peers being drawn to them. They tend to be heard dictating lots to other children and often think everything has to be done their way or the high way.

Child A is probably closer to being a natural leader.
Child B is bossy and could probably become a good leader if they're given appropriate guidance. If they're not given appropriate guidance then their behaviour is likely to cause them issues.

Fairislefandango · 19/07/2023 22:58

Would you prefer a child with no personality?

There's no such thing. Having 'a lot of personality' is a very different thing from just having a personality (which everyone does).

Motheranddaughtertotwo · 19/07/2023 22:59

I’ve only read the first few replies but they are so wrong! As a primary teacher I would describe a child like that fondly, it means they are entertaining, chatty, funny. It’s definitely a compliment.

Happyhappyday · 19/07/2023 23:00

Sounds like my DC, she is delightful but is also just EXTRA and it is exhausting. She’s extra everything, extra polite (mostly), extra mad (sometimes), extra smart, extra busy, extra loud. I think her current teacher doesn’t get her.

Fairislefandango · 19/07/2023 23:01

Schools like kids to fit in not stand out, they might as well stamp them all with same barcode.

Parents like to say this, but I haven't seen any evidence of it in my 27 years of working in schools. Teachers like students to obey the school rules. Withing that, there is plenty of room for a wide range of personalities and talents. No teacher expects or wants a class full of clones. It would be very boring.

Heronwatcher · 19/07/2023 23:01

I’d say it means what it says, that the child knows their own mind, isn’t afraid to speak up, has ideas and views, is interesting and doesn’t blend in. Probably wants to do things their own way! I think these are all excellent qualities. Obviously this might sometimes be slightly challenging in a class of 30 kids but I think it’s a good thing and I wouldn’t try to change her personality (although obviously if the teacher has raised any issues like disruption it would merit a chat about when and how this personality is manifesting itself!).

stayathomer · 19/07/2023 23:02

Outgoing and loud but not necessarily bad , my youngest got something similar but then it said he cheers people up and makes everyone smile, he just needs to limit chattiness (she told me afterwards he was such a happy child and long May it continue!)

SpikeWithoutASoul · 19/07/2023 23:05

When I was a primary school teacher I definitely would have meant this as a compliment.

BogRollBOGOF · 19/07/2023 23:07

More likely to be a positive. Stands out as an individual, has their own ideas, volunteers information, interesting. I like children with a lot of personality. Even if that strays a bit over the boundaries, you know who you're working with. It's not necessarily loud. DS has a lot of personality and interests. He's deeply introverted, but his natural curiosity wins over and he's keen to share his knowledge. He wants to talk to teachers more than peers

Sometimes I've found very quiet, but hard-working and bright children quite awkward as they don't give much away. They're certainly not doing anything wrong, but I've had clusters of similarly styled teenagers with similar skills and similar quiet personalities, and when you basically see them for little over 30 hours a year in a once a week lesson, it can take the year to get to distinguish them easily.

If it really was negative, there would be a lot of comment about skills to develop.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 19/07/2023 23:08

Judging by the other comments, it's not a bad comment. Is your child always good? Probably not. Interesting? Yes. Will they talk someone's ear off? Quite likely. Are they engaging? Yes!

They probably exasperate and delight the teacher in equal measure.

I regularly volunteered in my DC's classrooms when they were in infant school and could see how the teachers interacted with the individual children. Yes, there were a couple who were really hard work, but there was also a handful of confident and engaging children, some of who were natural leaders, others just went their own way. And I could see that the teachers liked them and found them engaging, even if a handful at times.

Sodullincomparison · 19/07/2023 23:09

I’m a head and my DD5 ( who is at my school) got similar on her report.

Her teacher can’t stand her and even other teachers have noted it. 😂😂

She is a PITA for us at home but pretty average and keen to please in school.

I could spend the next five years teaching her to conform and then the next five building her confidence up to be ready for the world. so we are opting to model positive behaviour rather than try to change this natural exuberance.

Personally I want a class full of personalities but then again my report said I was wilful when I was 8.

willWillSmithsmith · 19/07/2023 23:16

BodegaSushi · 19/07/2023 21:59

Oh wow ignore the negativity. Any child I describe with a personality is full of life and fun. And not a boring lump.

That doesn’t seem very nice describing quieter young kids as boring lumps😯

Thosepeskyseagulls · 19/07/2023 23:16

Definitely a dominant figure in the class.

willWillSmithsmith · 19/07/2023 23:17

jaffacakeany1 · 19/07/2023 22:55

Would you prefer a child with no personality? I certainly wouldn't. I'd be tempted to ask the teacher the same question.

What is a child with no personality?

Tilllly · 19/07/2023 23:18

I think it sounds positive

Teachers were less guarded when I was little
My middle school geography teacher said "has delusions of adequacy with homework submissions... surprised she can find her way home" my parents were so cross with me but years later said they, friends, family, neighbours, the milkman all found it hilarious

momonpurpose · 19/07/2023 23:20

Temporaryname158 · 19/07/2023 21:38

They are a PITA

Yep