Page 3 | What benefits can a single father claim

XStardustX · 2023-07-19T19:50:28+00:00

Asking for a friend. He dosent work as he has an injury and can't work and suffers from really bad anxiety around people, he dosent really go out of house. He already gets benefits. Not entirely sure but i I think he gets pip anyway. Not sure what else. I'm just wondering what all would he be entitled to? So that I can mention this to him.he lives in Swansea so Welsh government if that helps. He just told me today he got paid and all his money went on bills. He's had no food for the past week and I had to lend him a tenner to go to the shop to buy some food. He has two children. 14 and 11 , two boys who stay at weekends but he told me he hasn't been able to have rhe boys around in few weeks because he hasn't had any money to buy any food for the house to feed them. Can't he get like any child benefit? Or is it only the mother could claim that since they are with her full time and his Friday to sunday

Niceseasidetown · 20/07/2023 02:22

Hi. I suggest you post the question on the benefits advice forum on moneysupermarket

You will get factual advice there and probably advice on him managing spending or debt repayment too.

It is normally the best place to get factual and informed advice on money matters

I am sad that the OP has been spoken to so rudely on this thread. She is merely trying to help a friend.

MintJulia · 20/07/2023 02:51

OP, you'd be better advising him to....

Check with Entitled To
Teach him to make low cost meals from scratch
Encourage him to look for home based work that gives him a better income.

Loverofoxbowlakes · 20/07/2023 05:50

His kids need food in their bellies more than karate club or piano lessons at £25 a go.

He can't afford to pay for extra curricular stuff if this means he can't afford to feed himself or have the kids to stay. You must be able to see this op?

If he's currently not working he needs to contact CMS to recalculate his current financial obligation.

His circumstances have changed, and unfortunately this means his kids are going to have to cut back on their activities. There's less money to go round so he needs to prioritise what he spends it on. And food, and seeing his kids is waaaay above piano lessons.

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 06:47

QOFE · 19/07/2023 22:55

Well I'm just going on the information you've provided. You said he can't have them to visit as he doesn't have enough money. So that means he only sees them occasionally, right?

If hes giving his ex so much money that he can't afford to see his own children, perhaps he needs to take a look at what the CMS would calculate he should pay. If he's on full benefits, I think it's just £7 a week.

But I also wonder the same as previous posters - if the mother of the children is so terrible, why on earth has he left the children with her?

I wouldn’t call 3 in 7 nights every week ‘occaisionally’

Occasionally denotes the odd weekend during school holidays with no set schedule.

That’s probably why posters are taking issue with your comment.

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 06:50

I think he should

claim child benefit for one of the children and his ex the other child as he has them 3 in 7 nights every week.
only pay his ex the CMS rate so that he can afford to support his DC when he has them
go to CAB or other charity to ensure he is getting all benefits he is entitled to
look into accessing a food bank, especially for the days he has the kids.

Hufflepods · 20/07/2023 06:51

He does financially support them. He pays for all their classes, eldest goes to karate and youngest goes to piano , she dosent. He paid for their school kits last year aswell, amongst so many things. Birthday parties ect

You said before that he fully financially supports them, and then this is what he pays for?

Hufflepods · 20/07/2023 06:52

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 06:47

I wouldn’t call 3 in 7 nights every week ‘occaisionally’

Occasionally denotes the odd weekend during school holidays with no set schedule.

That’s probably why posters are taking issue with your comment.

Show quote history

But also he hasn’t had them around in a few weeks, looking after your children isn’t something you can just opt out of.

Soontobe60 · 20/07/2023 06:55

XStardustX · 19/07/2023 22:44

@piedbeauty
He still fully provides for the children financially!
He gives money to their mother

I should imagine that as he’s on benefits his contribution to their mother would be minimal.
As others have asked, how did she get custody of she’s such a crap parent?

Soontobe60 · 20/07/2023 06:58

XStardustX · 20/07/2023 00:24

@Rachie1973 it's also very easy to judge a situation on mumsnet that you know nothing about. I asked for advice on what benefits he might be able to claim while he gets back on his feet. I don't know why you feel the need to criticise someone you don't even know. He does financially support them. He pays for all their classes, eldest goes to karate and youngest goes to piano , she dosent. He paid for their school kits last year aswell, amongst so many things. Birthday parties ect, while she blew money on 3 holidays that year and going out . The eldest is fully aware and has told my son ( they are friends) that he wants to stay with dad. He's a fantastic father , nobody could fault him over the years. He's fallen on very hard times these last few weeks.
There are lots of parents who aren't fit , but when it comes to custody , you'll have one hell of a task convincing a court to remove children from their mother to give to the other parent . I've had several friends go through court after divorces over custody .
And no, you assume wrong. I'm not involved with him romantically at all.

First of all, if he cannot afford to feed them when they stay, he needs to stop paying for these extra clubs they have. Those clubs are a luxury, food is a necessity.
Second, if the eldest wants to live with him, there’s very little their mum can do to stop it. If it went to court, the judge would just say the child gets to decide.

Motnight · 20/07/2023 06:59

XStardustX · 19/07/2023 23:39

@StephanieSuperpowers nope! You assume wrong. Absolutely not romantically linked to him. I'm married

But still swallowing the script about the poor father doing everything he can for his kids. Whilst they live (apparently) with a terrible, lazy mother. Hmm.

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 07:01

Hufflepods · 20/07/2023 06:52

But also he hasn’t had them around in a few weeks, looking after your children isn’t something you can just opt out of.

Show quote history

FFS he didn’t “opt out” of parenting! He couldn’t have them round because he didn’t even have any food in the house because he’d given too much money to his ex! You can’t responsibly have children to stay when you cannot feed them.

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 07:05

Motnight · 20/07/2023 06:59

But still swallowing the script about the poor father doing everything he can for his kids. Whilst they live (apparently) with a terrible, lazy mother. Hmm.

Show quote history

You have no idea if it is a script or reality. I think the OP would know what’s going on.

Yellowlegobrick · 20/07/2023 07:07

People usually underestimate the true cost of having resident children.

Its not piano lessons & karate (he should pay for food instead).

Its the cost of renting/buying a bigger house, furnishing their bedrooms, utility bills for 3 people using everything, food, washing stuff, all clothes not just school uniform, incidental costs like requests for money from school, taking a gift to a birthday party, activities, running a car or paying 3 lots of bus/train fares. Who has paid for things like wraparound childcare?

The children's mother is likely incurring far greater cost and he likely be worse off if he had residence and received the benefits too.

Yellowlegobrick · 20/07/2023 07:13

Paying for activities is also a common tactic to avoid giving cash to the RP, because you can pay the activity bill directly. Its not helpful if the children have more basic needs that should be met first.

Mythicalcreatures · 20/07/2023 07:25

My ex when on benefits didn't have to pay any cm and he had dc less than your friend. ( he had for a period dc 4 nights a fortnight and so didn't have to pay the £7 a week, he soon had the dc less than that but I didn't bother claiming) So if your friend stopped paying any money he could afford to see his children. Surely seeing his children is more important.

Motnight · 20/07/2023 07:26

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 07:05

You have no idea if it is a script or reality. I think the OP would know what’s going on.

Show quote history

Well you'd certainly hope that was the case.

x2boys · 20/07/2023 07:28

XStardustX · 19/07/2023 22:26

@QOFE
For your information, he has always supported the kids financially. Every single penny he earned from his job went on the kids, trips away, clothes, toys , classes ect.. he gave them everything before he would even consider giving himself anything. He gives his ex money every week .
He literally raised the kids himself as his ex was always out with friends doing activities every day of the week and partying all weekend not coming home as she was sleeping with other men. It went on for years. She never wanted to be a parent but made things difficult for him out of spite. He was the one always have to explain why mummy wasn't at home.
Kids would have been in care long ago if it wasn't for him.
I've seen that for myself . She wasn't present. She was so lazy he used to have to bath her , nevermind the kids .
He gets the kids to stay at weekends, from Friday evening after school and Kids leave Monday morning for school and go back to their mothers. He always had the boys around for tea on Wednesday aswell.
Not fair at all to judge someone you know nothing about

So.why dies the mother have them now and not him?

x2boys · 20/07/2023 07:35

XStardustX · 19/07/2023 23:10

He can't just take the kids whenever he feels like it. Those were the days he was awarded

Wwlk.none of this makes sense if the mother was such a,dreadful.parent ,and he wss the main parent he could of app!he'd for residency and the mother could have had visitation ,why didnt he?
How old are the children now are they old enough to.decide where they would prefer to.live ?

EmeraldFox · 20/07/2023 07:37

Loverofoxbowlakes · 20/07/2023 05:50

His kids need food in their bellies more than karate club or piano lessons at £25 a go.

He can't afford to pay for extra curricular stuff if this means he can't afford to feed himself or have the kids to stay. You must be able to see this op?

If he's currently not working he needs to contact CMS to recalculate his current financial obligation.

His circumstances have changed, and unfortunately this means his kids are going to have to cut back on their activities. There's less money to go round so he needs to prioritise what he spends it on. And food, and seeing his kids is waaaay above piano lessons.

Yes, this. He should pay child support as calculated plus his share of extra curriculars and scholl uniform (or buy his own for his house) only, probably approaching half of the cost if he has them 3 nights out of 7, or 3/14 of the cost if you meant he has them every other weekend. He shouldn't be paying for all of these, the child support is to cover the children's costs on the other parent's time. If the mother is unwilling to pay her share then the children may need to cut back on activities. Spending time with their father and him being able to afford food is more important

PatternsinNature · 20/07/2023 07:41

Ref food

Look at Olio app for free food, but you need to collect it yourself

Look at the food waste reduction app called Too Good To Go. You pay a small amount & get given a random selection of food. You need to collect it yourself

Yellowlegobrick · 20/07/2023 08:01

Most of the things on too good to go are prepared foods and still work out more expensive than buying cheap raw ingredients such as pasta, tinned veg, beans and lentils and making simple meals at home.

OPs friend may do better talking to citizens advice or similar and working out their budget

Lacucuracha · 20/07/2023 08:05

XStardustX · 19/07/2023 22:26

@QOFE
For your information, he has always supported the kids financially. Every single penny he earned from his job went on the kids, trips away, clothes, toys , classes ect.. he gave them everything before he would even consider giving himself anything. He gives his ex money every week .
He literally raised the kids himself as his ex was always out with friends doing activities every day of the week and partying all weekend not coming home as she was sleeping with other men. It went on for years. She never wanted to be a parent but made things difficult for him out of spite. He was the one always have to explain why mummy wasn't at home.
Kids would have been in care long ago if it wasn't for him.
I've seen that for myself . She wasn't present. She was so lazy he used to have to bath her , nevermind the kids .
He gets the kids to stay at weekends, from Friday evening after school and Kids leave Monday morning for school and go back to their mothers. He always had the boys around for tea on Wednesday aswell.
Not fair at all to judge someone you know nothing about

If he’s on benefits, he must be paying very little maintenance. £10 a week maybe?

If he paying more than what CMS says he owes, why doesn’t he reduce the maintenance he pays ex and use that money to buy food for the weekends he has dc?

BillaBongGirl · 20/07/2023 08:07

Lacucuracha · 20/07/2023 08:05

If he’s on benefits, he must be paying very little maintenance. £10 a week maybe?

If he paying more than what CMS says he owes, why doesn’t he reduce the maintenance he pays ex and use that money to buy food for the weekends he has dc?

Show quote history

I think he must be paying more than what CMS would dictate based on the OPs posts. It sounds like his ex and him have not gone through CMS at all.

I agree he should only pay the CMS amount to his ex so he can have the children his 3 nights (or more).

Naunet · 20/07/2023 08:20

He’s a grown man OP, stop mothering him. He’s perfectly capable of finding out what benefits he’s entitled to by himself.

Rachie1973 · 20/07/2023 08:28

XStardustX · 20/07/2023 00:24

@Rachie1973 it's also very easy to judge a situation on mumsnet that you know nothing about. I asked for advice on what benefits he might be able to claim while he gets back on his feet. I don't know why you feel the need to criticise someone you don't even know. He does financially support them. He pays for all their classes, eldest goes to karate and youngest goes to piano , she dosent. He paid for their school kits last year aswell, amongst so many things. Birthday parties ect, while she blew money on 3 holidays that year and going out . The eldest is fully aware and has told my son ( they are friends) that he wants to stay with dad. He's a fantastic father , nobody could fault him over the years. He's fallen on very hard times these last few weeks.
There are lots of parents who aren't fit , but when it comes to custody , you'll have one hell of a task convincing a court to remove children from their mother to give to the other parent . I've had several friends go through court after divorces over custody .
And no, you assume wrong. I'm not involved with him romantically at all.

She blew money on holidays and going out....

But the kids are fed, clothed, housed by her,

If she manages her money that well then good for her!

Hes still not ‘supporting’. He’s still contributing.