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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Have you ever overheard people talking about you?

133 replies

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:34

It was a previous houseshare. We'd all gone out to a bar and I was wearing open toed heels, another girl accidentally stamped on my foot with her stiletto and wow, that was painful.
She was really apologetic, then I said to my housemate, 'Someone's just stood on me with their heel ' as it was bleeding and so I ran off to the toilets.
The next night I was in my room and I overheard the flatmate of mine talking to her friends. She said 'She came and told me someone stamped on her foot, and I was thinking, well what do you want me to do about it?!"

I don't know, help me maybe? 🤔

On another occasion I dyed my hair quite a bright burgundy colour. I heard her and a male housemate saying 'Why the hell has she dyed her hair red?!". I didn't get it everywhere or anything.

Anyway, never nice to overhear people slagging you off!

OP posts:

Peverellshire · 19/07/2023 06:40

How to deal with it when you do? One woman was fully imitating me at a Mom coffee morning & in I walked. Ofc you think of a brill response afterwards…

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:41

That's so rude of ner!
What a nasty piece of work. Yeah, sometimes you just freeze in the moment out of shock.

OP posts:

MelonsOnSaleAgain · 19/07/2023 06:45

Yes, and the trick is to not say anything. Not a word, because you’ll get it wrong. Instead pause, catch their eye, hold their gaze for a moment longer than is comfortable and make a slightly disapproving gesture with your eyebrows, then get in with what you were doing.

that way they know you know, but they also know you’re officially the better person. 🤣

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:47

Yes, that sounds like a good idea.
They'd probably deny it anyway or say they meant someone else.

OP posts:

electriclight · 19/07/2023 06:47

Not nice but very few people have never talked about another person.

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:49

Right, but I'm not saying they were ok because apparently everyone does it. I found her particular examples quite spiteful, slagging me off because I dared to tell her that something had just happened? I don't think I'd really be so callous.

OP posts:

Eawsr · 19/07/2023 06:51

Ha! This reminds me - I was spoken about (negatively) alot as a child whilst lI was in the room!

FOJN · 19/07/2023 06:51

When I was 17 I heard a colleague say I lacked initiative. I'd been treading carefully for fear of making mistakes but was always waiting for someone to tell me what to do. I stopped being so unsure of myself and got on with doing the job without waiting for direction so overhearing her criticism did me a huge favour.

Banoffeepie21 · 19/07/2023 06:51

Comments like that are not very respectful. I wouldn’t speak like that about someone who is a friend. ☹️

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:53

That's harsh of her, you were only 17 :/

OP posts:

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:54

Would people happily be friends with others they knew were slagging them off?

OP posts:

Wheretfaremykeysthistime · 19/07/2023 07:01

This has happened so many times over the years.
I now tend to either make eye contact or politely join the conversation, on the rare occasions I overhear somebody talking about me (acting as though I'd assumed they knew I could hear them though, like "oh, do you not think this colour suits me? I'm really happy with it!")

Satisfying to hear them scrambling to cover it or see the look of horror on their faces when they realise they've been caught out.

GigiAnnna · 19/07/2023 07:03

This is one that still puzzles me as I can't think what it was about. I was about 8 and had been out with my auntie for the day then stayed over at her house. Later I heard auntie on the phone to my grandma, they were arguing and I kept hearing my name come up and my auntie saying " no mum she's not a bitch..." Then later, the phone rang and it was my grandad. I answered it and he mistakenly thought I was my auntie. He said " stop this, she's just a little girl.."
After I got dropped back off at home, whatever it was, was never mentioned to my parents. And I spent ages worrying about it, I hadn't been naughty or been told off. Aunt has a history of being manipulative and lying, so can only assume she made something up about me, but I still wonder what it was about

MrsMcisaCt · 19/07/2023 07:03

When I was a student I lodged with a family in my first year. I was very shy but tried to be friendly. I was in my room and overheard one of the daughters say "Is the weirdo in? She's a misfit isn't she?" It really upset me. Then she went on to say I always spoke to her as if I knew her and I was 'over familiar' (that was my poor attempts at being friendly I suppose). It was awful.

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 07:04

😂 I'd love to be able to do that!

OP posts:

MRex · 19/07/2023 07:06

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 06:49

She clearly didn't like you. She's an ex housemate. How long ago was this? I can understand just processing or if you've only just moved out, but you want to put it behind you quickly and move on now. You don't live together any more, no need to do more than smile politely if you see her again.

Some years back I overheard another mum critiquing something I did, she didn't realise I was behind her. I joined the conversation and said "Oh I'd quite agree with you if X, but the situation was Y." She was slightly flustered, but I moved the conversation on to something related and we are friends now. I would probably have called them out on it cheerily e.g. "I was only hoping for basic empathy for my injury. Anyone need a coffee, I'm just making?" while deciding she's dead to me from now on.

ohgodwtfisthis · 19/07/2023 07:08

The girls who I thought were my friends at school. I had earphones in on the school bus and they clearly thought I couldn’t hear. Ten minutes of talking about how they were all laughing at me, felt sorry for me, no one really liked me and how sad I was that I thought I had friends. We were 17, so not kids.

I was devastated. I remember I ended up in floods of tears and they stopped, and asked what was wrong.

I caught them a second time - again on bus, turned round to ask ‘friend’ something and she said, ‘did you hear any of our conversation just now’ and I said no, ‘oh well that’s a relief’ as both she and girl next to her cracked up. Again, 17 and a half years old.

I kept in vague contact with one of them for a couple of years after, and asked her once why they’d done that - she denied it had ever happened.

Needless to say I have no contact at all now, beyond liking FB photos occasionally. It knocks your confidence flying though, I’m much older now and still don’t have any friends as I’m still scared everyone’s laughing at me.

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 07:10

Sorry to hear what others have experienced, these are very sad :(
Some people just have no manners.
Yeah, it just hurt a bit I guess as I was never unkind to her, but people can dislike you for all manner of reasons I guess.

OP posts:

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 07:10

Those girls were likely jealous of you at 17.

OP posts:

Original poster

Collins567 · 19/07/2023 07:12

I wouldn't even like their Facebook pictures, I'd put laughing emojis on them (but maybe I'm just very petty 😂
But yeah, it does make you a little paranoid I feel, it's certainly made me.

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LuckyXhi · 19/07/2023 07:22

My mum and my brother . I fell asleep a few Xmas evenings ago on her sofa . It was just them in the room, everyone else had gone up to bed . I woke up to them ripping my character and everything about me to shreds over a bottle of spirits - all because earlier on in the evening I’d suggested that if my brother wanted to drive in the morning he needed to stop drinking …
I got up immediately without saying a word , they looked like rabbits caught in headlights , got my stuff as I was meant to be staying a few more days and drove the 30miles home .

My mum rang me the next day and said I’d ruined Christmas .

MelonsOnSaleAgain · 19/07/2023 07:27

@LuckyXhi thats awful. Well done you for leaving.

Goatymum · 19/07/2023 07:35

This happened the other way around when I was a teen. My friend and I were talking about a couple saying how they were always all over each other and it was cringy, and then they appeared from behind a pillar (we were at our local station). We hoped they hadn’t heard but they probably had! It wasn’t the worst thing ever said about someone but was v embarrassing at the time.
I’m sure I’ve been spoken about loads, but not sure I’ve ever overheard it blatantly.
My poor DD had similar experiences to the PP on the bus, is only in touch with one of those friends now, but she didn’t take part in the bullying (but also didn’t bsck her up enough imho). It scars you for life re friendships as she now finds it v difficult to trust friends and to totally relax.

sandgrown · 19/07/2023 07:36

I was telling a colleague that DNA testing had proved that my father , who I had never met, was from abroad . He said oh yes me and Mary always said there was something exotic about you . Not horrible but a bit uncomfortable to know they had talked about me.

MonumentalLentil · 19/07/2023 07:43

There were a couple of handymen working in my flat. I knew them as they did a lot of work for the landlord. They were chatting away in their own language and I was in the next room, doors open.
I heard them refer to me, went into the room where they were chatting and casually joined in the conversation in English.
Conversation stopped, embarrassed silence while they just stood and looked at me, until one of them said 'Oh, you speak our language'.

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