Have you ever overheard people talking about you?

[Collins567]

It was a previous houseshare. We'd all gone out to a bar and I was wearing open toed heels, another girl accidentally stamped on my foot with her stiletto and wow, that was painful.
She was really apologetic, then I said to my housemate, 'Someone's just stood on me with their heel ' as it was bleeding and so I ran off to the toilets.
The next night I was in my room and I overheard the flatmate of mine talking to her friends. She said 'She came and told me someone stamped on her foot, and I was thinking, well what do you want me to do about it?!"

I don't know, help me maybe? 🤔

On another occasion I dyed my hair quite a bright burgundy colour. I heard her and a male housemate saying 'Why the hell has she dyed her hair red?!". I didn't get it everywhere or anything.

Anyway, never nice to overhear people slagging you off!

My mum rang me the next day and said I’d ruined Christmas.

What an immature response @LuckyXhi - from your own mother too :(

Yours was perfect - leaving.

Right after everything opened back up after COVID, we had a picnic lunch after the last football game of the season for the kids. I had helped organize and collect the food made by a local cafe, and just said nicely if ppl could pls sanitize their hands with the sanitizer before taking food that would be great.

I was stood behind a tall dad and heard two of the horrible bitchy mums mimicking me saying make sure you sanitize and being so mean - so I stepped out from behind the dad and said “are you talking about me?” And they just stopped dead, it was brilliant. I just smiled and said “help yourself to food, but yeah, make sure you sanitize your hands first, what with COVID and bugs and all”

Those women never helped with any of the set up or pack down, never helped with anything, just stood around being bitchy all the time. Horrible women.

Not me but my MIL was collecting my son from school one day and was standing behind a group of mums, one of whom was talking about my son. Saying he was always picked for everything. He is the teachers pet etc. It's unfair to her son as he wanted to play that part in the play.

She clearly didn't know who my MIL was.

I pulled her up the next day. She actually works in the school so I politely asked her to refrain from discussing my child with other mums as surely this was completely unprofessional and anyone could overhear so she should really be careful.

She didn't say a single word back to me. It was very awkward.

There's always the classic MN question "did you mean to be so rude?" I've not had to use it yet, but it's right there just in case! 🌹

When I first met my DIL fifteen years ago. She is not from the UK. She was telling me that she flagged her experiences in this country on Twitter. She asked if I was on Twitter, I am not. We had a lovely day and I cooked a roast. A couple of days later I looked her up on Twitter. You can just feed their user name into Google and read their posts. She had described her visit to us as being a dull day with bland food.
I still worry about cooking for her today. It didn't worry me because I knew that nobody I was friends with would see it. I do a shed load of childcare for them now, my grandchildren, because they moved to live near us on the grounds that we could be useful. I like my DIL very much and I never told her that I had read her critical post. Nothing to gain by telling but I am wary of cooking for her.

It's horrible and hurtful, but are many of us guilt-free? My favourite (and lengthy, sorry) Anthony Trollope quote sums it up:

"Considering how much we are all given to discuss the characters of others, and discuss them often not in the strictest spirit of charity, it is singular how little we are inclined to think that others can speak ill-naturedly of us, and how angry and hurt we are when proof reaches us that they have done so. It is hardly too much to say that we all of us occasionally speak of our dearest friends in a manner which those dearest friends would very little like to hear themselves mentioned; and that we nevertheless expect that our dearest friends shall invariably speak of us as though they were blind to all our faults, but keenly alive to every shade of our virtues."

So many sad stories about overhearing people talking about you. I hope the experience also stopped you talking about other people.

I can't say it's ever bothered me. You can't police how people feel about you or what they say. Sometimes you learn something useful about how you come across. Sometimes you learn something useful about a person you thought had your back.

But honestly I can't say I've never talked about anyone behind their back so glass houses and all that.

Haha yeah. Once I heard my mother in law on loud speaker. My child was ill with chicken pox so couldn’t attend nursery but we were still paying childcare as you have to. I was at university placement at the time but my tutor was really understanding and allowed me to have a couple of days off. This was before the days of zoom.

Husband is self employed so annoyingly had to cancel a couple of days work. He had his mum on the phone on loud speaker and she was complaining that I should be ‘pulling my weight’ (I was) and that maybe he should send ME an invoice for his lost time due to childcare. I was livid. This was over 10 years ago but she hasn’t changed

I was in my first term of university in halls. A group had decided to mimic me and laugh about how 'extra' I was. Nothing terrible but very hurtful as I was struggling to make friends and settle in. Somehow I was much more resilient then and just went to sleep. The next morning there was a fire alarm and me and one of the girls were in the kitchen and she asked how I was. I told her I had trouble sleeping after I heard every word they had sais. She was so embarrassed tried to minimise it but I wouldn't let her. Very calmly asked if she was going to slag me off could she not do it in the room next door where I could hear. They all apologised to me and two of them are my best friends now.

Another time, working in London I put down the phone on my house mate and preceeded to tell my workmate how tight my friend was. Except I hadn't actually hung up properly. House mate called me back immediately and told me she heard every work and hung up. I was mortified - I was just letting off steam but ended up hurting her. I havebt really spoke about anyone since.

I think the best way to handle it is just to say that you heard everything they've said. Nothing else. Let them stew kn it and come to their own conclusions on how they want to behave

I used to be Z list famous. I was in the line for the loos in a club and two women in front of me were really slagging off my acne prone skin, saying how shocked they were that I was so spotty.

I knew I was spotty, I had mirrors! It really upset me at the time, but now of course I can see it was just jealousy. Overall I looked AMAZING back then.

I look like a sack of mouldy potatoes now but never mind 😜

Honestly, I don't, not in that way. The only time I do is if someone's done something hurtful/rude and I might discuss it with someone else. I'm not perfect but I honestly don't slag people off like in my examples. Not everyone does.

I always found with friends/acquaintances that if they're doing it to you, they're usually doing it about you too, and learned not to trust them.

This happened about 55 years ago and I still remember it. I was at a friend's Grandma's house and me and her were in the hall getting our shoes on and I heard her saying to her husband, that Beaverbridge is not a good looking girl. I suppose I wasn't, had the shortest hair cut ever, braces for buck teeth. Funny how comments stick with you all those years.

These examples are so rude, really sorry to hear them :(
I hope it won't always knock your confidence.
I've worked in very catty environments (with men and women) where they would slag off whoever left the room (usually places like nurseries) then act like best friends again when they came back in.

I have a fairly new friend/acquaintance/colleague who manages to criticise everyone she comes into contact with. She’s really hard work and clearly struggles to trust people so I think this is her way of keeping people at arm’s length. I have no doubt she says awful things about me too. I can’t see our friendship developing.

Oh I’ve heard people talk about me ALOT, I once was incredibly overweight (200kg) and there’s tons of cunts out there so I’ve heard it all but the 3 that stuck with me were

”oh look at her, if I looked like her and was that big I would kill myself”

”oh Lego looks nice tonight” “you think? It’s just like putting lipstick on a pig isn’t it” (said by, at the time, my best friend in the world who I trusted completely)

”No put those back in the cupboard, Lego is here and she’ll just eat anything she sees” (I did and do not! I at the time was cautious about what people saw me eat so would rarely do more then nibble!)

All of those had a very very long lasting effect on me, that friend is no longer a friend and I still struggle to eat around others despite being half that size now!

I got home early from a job. Wandered down to my stables and as I was about to walk on the yard I heard my 'friend' talking to someone on the phone. Running my much loved little place down, telling some half truths and some great big lies.
This is the friend who was keeping her two mares with me at a very cheap price designed to just cover their costs.

In the moment I was so hurt I just walked away back to the house for a little cry. Then I sent an email saying I heard what you said and quoting it. Finished up by telling her that as she thought it was a 'fucking shit show' I would completely understand that she would want to leave. She tried to creep her way out of it by saying I'd mis-heard, and that she'd been 'having anxiety' on the day, but she's been gone for a fortnight now and I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders. I hadn't realised until this happened that she'd been subtly dripping negativity for some time and been really hard work.
Wow, that was cathartic! I think my learning from what happened is that in future if I hear anything like this I will meet it head on and tackle the person at the time. Like 'What's the problem with me colouring my hair red?'.

I guess if that those are the worst things you overhear about yourself it's not too bad, OP.

I've overheard people debating whether I am American or Canadian or just putting on an accent (I am Irish), telling someone whose stapler had gone missing that they should look in my desk (fair comment), saying I had gone to lunch with a male colleague again (I was actually eating lunch in the staff kitchen 6ft away from the speaker), lots of trivial stuff. I've also been overheard saying equally trivial stuff about other people, so I can't point any fingers.

Heard someone talking about me loudly to another colleague one morning. She had her back to me so as I walked past I said ‘Good morning!’ really cheerfully 🤣

It was during lockdowns, and I was the only one wfh, on Zoom in a meeting with four older men who were all in the office together. I loved that job and I loved them, I really thought we bonded and had a lovely working relationship. Anyway, when the time came for a coffee break, I switched my camera and mic off and was distracted for a minute replying to an email.

My co-workers thought I'd gone and proceeded to completely slag me off. I could watch them, all huddled by one of the desks, saying how I worked too quickly and my ideas were shit. My stomach turned. I have never known such bitchiness outside school and I really thought they liked me. Also, I was wfh because I was getting over hospital treatment that they'd been very kind and sympathetic about. It was really horrible.

Yeah, once getting changed at work I could hear voices coming from the staff room with a colleague ripping me to shreds for an earlier conversation… we had had a nice (or so I thought) chat about her blossoming relationship and how they’d moved in together and I asked if she thought he was the one. I had said how pleased I was for her etc etc.

She literally was pulling my character apart, I was so hurt and shocked.

When my son was born my DH rang my MIL to tell her and she started slagging me off straight away whilst on loudspeaker. He actually had to interrupt her to say actually mum the reason I’m calling is to say the baby is here. Our relationship already wasn’t the best but that well and truly put the nail in the coffin. I hate that she turned a magical once in a lifetime moment sour and crushed my happiness!

I actually have a nice one. After a chat with a dear friend I heard her say to her husband as she was putting the phone down: "Oh, I love her so much". Gave me a real rush of happiness and still does when I think of it.
I never told her I heard it.

Yep when I was a teenager I was going out with this boy who was probably the most popular boy in the town. He was good looking and charismatic had a car etc and I couldn’t believe he’d picked me. One evening we were at the pub and I went to the toilet and these girls came in after me and as I was sat on the loo I heard them saying “why the hell is he going out with HER???!!”
I don’t think my confidence has ever been as high as it once was since that moment.

it’s amazing how one little negative comment can stick and change your whole life, because now as an adult I don’t take selfies, I don’t go on Facebook or anything and I don’t have many female friends because I don’t trust them.

ugh that is cold!
reminds me of when my FIL thought I was asleep and popped his head into see our firstborn and all he said was “oh she’s a bit small” then shut the door. No joy at seeing her nothing.