Last person up the stairs to bed locks doors??

[Snowdrop89]

Am I being unreasonable?? In my mind the last adult up the stairs to bed is responsible for checking doors are locked and windows are shut? My husband is last upstairs every night & I always have to ask him if the doors are locked & he always has to go back down & check when I’ve reminded him… tonight he got arsey with me saying why couldn’t I go and check… I said cos I’ve already been in bed for an hour & you’re the last one up the stairs! No point me locking before I come up cos he will often pop out again… I always do it on the rare occasion I’m to bed after him…

Maybe building a habit of everyone locking straight after themselves would be the best for you. It takes few weeks to get into it

I don't care if all the doors are open. So DH does it. We live in the arse end of nowhere, the gates are shut, and are related to all the neighbors. I appreciate that it's shit of me particularly as we no longer have dogs.

He’s being a selfish arsehole waking you up every night and going out once you’re in bed and refusing to lock up after him.

Do you have another bedroom you can move into so both of you have one each. That way you both get undisturbed sleep.

Others have suggested some good ideas eg on locking doors and taking keys upstairs.

If he sulks and creates a fuss if you lock up and remove keys then it would suggest he likes waking you up and making you go downstairs. In that case you may need to examine how he treats you in other areas of your life.

He’s leaving you both vulnerable and that’s not on.

Not in our house. Even if I've done it, DH will go and check. He likes doing his security patrol!

We also have 3 doors to the outside and often leave them open throughout the day, when they’re shut, they’re locked though. Shut door, turn key. It’s a good habit and one all the family follows.

@WellPlaced oh agree - if it's closed it's locked, unless it was shut by through-wind or the terrorist toddler

He sounds like a bloody child. Who in their right minds would go out to the bin on a night and not lock the door when they get back in? And coming in crashing around waking you up when you sound like you’re up multiple times feeding? No thanks. He needs to take some responsibility for his life. I’d do one of two things. 1. I’d ‘steal’ the car and drive it round the corner so he gets up and realises the doors are open and car gone. 2. I’d lock up and hide the keys for my own safety and that of my children.

DH is the same. I make sure everything is locked before I go to bed because he never checks and is the person most likely to leave the front door unlocked.

Oddly when we did get burgled (his fault, left a downstairs window open) he was incredibly shaken and upset whereas I just shrugged it off (for me it wasn't even the worst thing that happened that month).

This hasn't made him any better at locking up though.

This is it. He says I’m nagging if I ask him to do stuff, basic stuff in the house, so I took the decision yesterday just whatever I’ll do it for a quiet life… maybe he’ll grow up and realise one day… when I’m gone…

My DH is the same, I have to remind of everything all the time. He has blinkers on and doesn't have any initiative in the house. He doesn’t really have a clue how much I do all day (I’m on mat leave, and he works 14 hours a day, so to him, everything just magically gets done).

A possible explanation for the door thing: If I'm last upstairs, I go round and check every door and window before I go up. But if when I get up there I'm asked "did you lock the door", I then suddenly doubt myself and have to go back down and check them all again.

Maybe similar thing with your husband, where he always locks the doors, and in his eyes, you asking him is what causes the need for them to be rechecked - and he's saying that as it's you causing them to need to be rechecked, you should be the one getting up to do so.

so I took the decision yesterday just whatever I’ll do it for a quiet life

Op, this is going to lead to resentment and unhappiness in the longer term. How did he sleep last night and why won't you wake him up? Why do you like yourself so little that you'll put up with this and let him treat you like dirt?

I feel so sad for you. I've had a think about this thread this morning and I'd be heartbroken if my DC ended up in a relationship where they said this. You only have 1 life. Why are you wasting it with people who don't love or respect you and are comfortable making you the skivvy? That's not love.

Ah yes, 'nagging' the go-to shut-you-up insult used by man children the world over. Well done that DH.

Don’t lock the doors and take the keys upstairs. What if there was a fire? Doors always need to be openable.

I don’t have a solution for the rubbish DH - if I did, I’d have used it on mine.

He sounds like an absolute moron.

God help you choosing to have a child with someone like that.

I would get the ick so quickly, so unattractive.

He's lazy, selfish and an idiot.

I would imagine you have a really tough road ahead of you.

Don't make the huge mistake of having another child.

I wouldn't give your relationship two years with the additional stupidity and laziness that is going to become evident, if it isn't abundantly clear already.

Mind yourself OP, idiots like him are really bad for your mental health.

My DH always locks front and back doors, checks TV off. While he does that I feed the cats.

The only time our doors are unlocked is when we are going through them or if we are in the yard in the case of the back door. So it's a non issue. Windows get closed once it's dark other than in bedrooms.

Why would you not just lock the door behind you? I find it odd so many people don't automatically lock their doors. Our front door automatically locks behind when you enter. I automatically turn the knob to lock the back door when I come in. Usually windows shut before going to bed to stop the house filling with flies and moths

Checking fridges and ovens before going to bed sounds a bit obsessive. Why would the fridge door not be closed and the oven be left on?

So many people asking why the OP doesn’t just do it when it clearly says in her post No point me locking before I come up cos he will often pop out again…

I agree.
Also, what expectations are you setting your children? They learn by example.

Never do anything for your DH or DC’s for a quiet life. You only have yourself to blame

Round here we have a local alcoholic who will walk into any door that is open and depending on their level of drunkenness will piss themselves in your house. I really wish I was joking.

All our doors are locked all the time, the alarm goes on at night and won't set unless all the doors are shut but they could be unlocked. I lock up at night and take the keys upstairs with me for the front door and the cars, I am not the last up though Ds2 is. Other keys for other doors are in different locations if there is a fire etc the key is near by. But as I said all the doors are locked.

In the last place we lived criminals were opening front doors, nicking whatever was in the hall usually handbags and car keys and nicked cars off people's drives. The police told everyone to lock their doors, people responded with but we live in a nice area and the police replied yes which is why the criminals are targeting your area and stealing your cars.

This isn't just about criminals though it can be about people who are mentally unstable having access to your house. There is a terrifying video on TikTok of a tv show showing a woman on the phone to the police watching her downstairs security camera and the person who has broke in is slowly creeping up the stairs.

These things need checking when you have children/ less responsible or distracted people who use them too. For example, teens coming home after dinnertime and cooking themselves a frozen pizza can easily result in a slightly open freezer door or the oven left on.

For me, it’s cause the fridge is by the back door and is just part of the routine to ‘pat’ it on the way past to ensure it’s shut…even though it would be beeping madly at me if open! The oven/cooker, it’s gas - the knob could easily be turned on so again, harmless to check, it has never been unsafe but a glance along the front to ensure everything is set to off takes no time and removes further risk. Why on earth wouldn’t I. How many home accidents could be avoided for the sake of a glance on the way past.