To not want to move into a house?

[SnotRag81]

I’ve always lived in flats. DH and I currently live in a 2 bed flat with DS and we’re now in the position to move to somewhere bigger. I’ve looked at a few flats and when I showed DH he rolled his eyes and said “will you stop looking at flats, we want a house”. I don’t!! I’ve always lived in flats and I have no desire to change that.
DH says a house will give us outdoor space but neither of us are gardeners so what’s the point? There is always a park nearby for fresh air.

DH is refusing to discuss it further saying he isn’t moving into another flat. AIBU?

Practically speaking, houses are generally a better investment. Why don't you go to some viewings and see what you think? Keep an open mind. If you're still opposed then you both need to discuss it further and find a compromise.

Having lived in both houses are so much better. I couldn’t cope with not being able to open my back door and step outside. Sunbathe in my garden in the summer or have a family bbq. I’m also not a gardener and you really don’t need to be. You can even have fake grass if you can’t be bothered with cutting it.

theres also something nice about going upstairs to bed. Also no irritating upstairs neighbours. I wouldn’t rule it out.

Why wouldn't you want a house? Much less disturbance from neighbours and with dc its nice to have a garden.

Why not look at bungalows, they are really popular with families locally. A bit similar to living in a flat tbh.

How old is your DS? Mine spend loads of time in the garden that couldn’t be replaced by going to the park

I understand it from a location perspective - our choice was flat in the city or house in the suburbs. We chose the flat and I have no regrets.

Bungalow?

Your argument isn't very cogent. "I've always lived in flats and don't want to live in a house." plus not being into gardens. It's obviously a strong feeling, but doesn't really explain why you won't even consider it, when clearly houses work out pretty well for the majority of families. Seems like you don't like change, which is a normal feeling, but it's also good to expand your (literal) comfort zone. You don't have to do gardening (I don't) to have a house but there can clearly be benefits to having the freehold, fewer neighbours, own entrance etc etc. otherwise flats wouldn't be cheaper. You don't have to want to move into a house but if your partner doesn't want another flat, where does that leave you? At least start engaging and explore with a more open mind. He's lived in flats till now, it's not the worst compromise to consider a house.

If you don't want a garden then fair enough, but if you are in the position to give one to your child then why wouldn't you? He can have his own garden toys, sandpit etc and you wouldn't have the hassle of getting ready to leave the house to go to the park every time some fresh air is needed. Not all people who have gardens are gardeners by the way, you can make a garden as low maintenance as you like.

What exactly is it about houses you don't like anyway?

YA both BU, you're married and making a major life decision so you both need to be flexible and open to discussion. I've lived in both flats and houses, IMO if you have pets or children a house would be better.

Why would you want to live in a flat. Do you love noise or something?

Gardens aren't just for gardening. It would be useful for DS to play, socialise with his friends; have a pet, fix his bike, kick a ball. You could socialise with your friends and family. Dry washing for free.

YABU. You don't have to be a gardener to enjoy a garden. A park isn't the same as a garden neither.
Also noise from noisy neighbours would do my head in.

I found having a garden makes life so much easer with DC, mine spend so much time out there in ways that wouldn’t be possible in parks

No, please don’t have fake grass, very bad for the environment.

Big advantage of a house is you have control of all of it, the ground beneath you, the roof over your head. No worries about increases in ground rent.

Modern houses don’t as a rule have large gardens. And there are older houses with no garden.

OP you might not be a gardener now, but who knows what joy it might give you. The ability to grow your own veg is something that you and your family might love. I can safely say that my home grown produce tastes wonderful and I'm no gardener.

Planting insect friendly flowers is another thing your child can enjoy. Digging the earth and turning over loads of worms. It's brilliant.

I could never live without a garden again. Flinging the back doors open in summer & being able to sit outside & have BBQ’s are really important to me now. I find flats claustrophobic.

Fake grass is awful

What is it about flats that you like so much? If moving to a house means losing your allocated parking space, 24 hour concierge, lift, resident’s gym etc. then I might see your point.

We've lived in 3 flats & 2 houses with DCs.

I like flats, and am totally open to the idea of moving back to a nice quiet flat once the youngest DC leaves home, but, houses are just so much more practical for us as a family of 5.

Kids (2 are young adults now) all have their own rooms on the first floor, while DH & I spend most of our time at home either in the lounge or kitchen diner downstairs. Or garden if the weather allows.

We also have a decent loft for storage & it just feels more spacious.

I guess if you were looking at beautiful 4 bed duplex flats it might be different.

Having lived in both I know what one I prefer. I love my garden and I'm not a gardener. Drying my clothes in this heat is so handy, I can get few loads done and dried in a day! Sunbathing, BBQs and I love having a cup of coffee out there in the morning

I grew up in a house, lived in rented flats, bought a flat and have now bought a house. I was pretty determined to buy a house because you don't have neighbours above or below, you own the freehold so there's no 'how long is the lease?' business, and YOU choose when you get repairs done and who you pay to do them. In my last flat I got walloped with a £2,000+ bill for repairs although I theoretically paid into a kitty to cover cyclical repairs.

Once you've lived in a house, you'll never want to live in a flat again.

Compromise and look at Bungalows that way you get the privacy he wants all on one level like you want.

I actually miss living in a flat… stairs are such a chore

YABU. For all the reasons everyone else has given. Houses are better than flats in every way, unless it’s a straight choice between an inner city flat near work or a suburbs-long-commute house. Don’t worry about the garden, nobody’s a gardener till they get their own, I wasn’t and now I love it!

You sound resistant to change, relax, go and view a few houses together, then a few flats, and make comparisons.

We had a lovely new-build 2-bed apartment where both kids were born, communal gardens, tennis court, short walk to buses and trains. If we had only chosen the 3-bed option (we bought off plans) we wouldn’t have needed to move.

I hate being home-owners, the garden is only of use when kids are little, plenty of parks with playgrounds nearby which they preferred anyway. The garden is a massive chore if you don’t like gardening or sitting/eating outdoors - and it’s a never-ending chore. I think the worst bit is all the upkeep in a house is your responsibility and if you’re not handy and don’t have family who are, that’s a huge thing. I’d much rather pay mgmt fees and have someone else sorting out any structural/roofing issues, gutters, exterior painting etc.

I can’t wait till we can get back to apartment-living again!