To not want to move into a house?

[SnotRag81]

I’ve always lived in flats. DH and I currently live in a 2 bed flat with DS and we’re now in the position to move to somewhere bigger. I’ve looked at a few flats and when I showed DH he rolled his eyes and said “will you stop looking at flats, we want a house”. I don’t!! I’ve always lived in flats and I have no desire to change that.
DH says a house will give us outdoor space but neither of us are gardeners so what’s the point? There is always a park nearby for fresh air.

DH is refusing to discuss it further saying he isn’t moving into another flat. AIBU?

Get a flat with small garden

Freehold is better than leasehold, I think. Outdoor space is always a bonus even if you're not gardeners - a courtyard space is very easy to maintain and jeans you can sit outside when the suns out.
What makes you so keen on a flat?

Yeah, it’s not for me, but just saying it’s an option for the OP if she’s worried about garden upkeep. 🤷‍♀️

I know well insulated flats with decent outdoor space do exist, but they’re in the minority.

with a house you’re almost guaranteed less noise and some outdoor space.

I was going to say this. You can easily have a private garden you can step out into if you have a group floor flat in a converted house - personally that’s my dream! I love flats too, so much easier and quicker to clean (no stairs to hoover!) and they help you not to accumulate clutter as there’s limited space. I’d also rather live closer to the city centre un a flat than in the dull suburbs. A ground floor flat sounds like a good compromise

When my dc all leave home i will move back to a flat but imo a house with a garden is much better for children.

I spent much of my childhood obsessing about high rise blocks. I’ve lived in 3 flats since & absolutely loved them. You can see everything from up there, it’s better than being stuck in a garden all fenced off. Most importantly of all is that you can remain anonymous. You may occasionally nod, smile, or wave at your neighbours, but no busybody neighbours like you get with houses, or bungalows. I wouldn’t rule out a bungalow Op.

I hate gardening, it's just outdoor housework to me, but we made sure our garden is pretty low maintenance with a large patio (and some real grass!) but I wouldn't be without it. Great for young DC (don't have to get organised to go to the park), somewhere to hang washing out, and able to have bbqs/eat outside in nice weather.

Houses are better. Even if it's just from a sound proofing angle

They are also a better investment

I’ve lived in both, OP, and I’d prefer a flat if it was just me and DH, too. Maintenance is easier, they tend to be more compact and more available in city centres - all things I value. I also like living higher providing there’s a reliable elevator.

But I do find a house is better with kids. In general you get more outdoor space which is great as they get older and can go outside without you having to schlep them to the park, noise is less of a concern and they tend to be larger and have more storage space.

But choosing housing is a matter of weighing up the pros and cons of each one. You’re both wrong to dismiss the other’s suggestions out of hand.

What does giving your child an outdoor space to play in have to do with gardening?

I live in a maisonette so have the best of both worlds. I have the front garden and my own back garden and can walk straight out into it. I hate gardening and if I didn't have DH to do it I'd pay a gardner! I will hold my hands up to having artificial grass though!

Same here. Everything's on the doorstep, great public transport links and a park behind the shared garden. Flats are the norm in my city, and aren't necessarily smaller than houses (our 3-bed flat is bigger than the 3-bed house we used to live in, last time we lived in a house).

Mumsnet seems to be a bit anti-flat in general, though! We don't have kids, so perhaps we'd feel differently about moving to the suburbs if we did.

Flat lover here too.
I live in a house now, because 3+ bedroom flats around my way are few and far between, but I hate the garden upkeep, I hate hoovering the stairs, whenever you want something it’s always on the wrong floor. If I could get a 4bed flat I would move in a heartbeat.
I would insist on having a balcony though, for the 2 weeks or so that we have summer in the UK.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want your own outdoor space that your child can enjoy. Gardens can be as low or high maintenance as you’d like, can have a fully paved garden if you wanted then the only job is to keep weeds away.

Maybe he wants a garden? Telling somebody they can't try something because they've never done it before is unfair - nobody should be forced to stay in a box because they've never had the opportunity to step outside it before. 'Oh, no, stick with what you know' is the refrain used to keep people in their place in so many ways.

Or he just doesn't want to listen to people's bums squeaking in their baths and conversations above and/or below anymore.

I'm so glad you said this. I plan to move from a house to a flat when I retire for this very reason.

I think you’re both being unreasonable not to discuss it properly.

Well, there are advantages and disadvantages to both and realistically, I think you both need to view some of both in your budget and location.

A garden wouldn't necessarily offset having to move further out of a town centre for example, if your DC's activities were walking distance and you love going to museums. (We had a garden as a child, neither of us kids spent much time in it,)

Yes, there can be noise issues in flats, but there can also be noise issues in terraces/semis, especially because of people being out in their gardens (enough threads on here about it).

Maintenance costs are non-negligible when you move to a house.

The wider problem is the refusal to discuss it.

Well now I’m curious to see why you like flats so much.
Is it because they’re warmer?
Or feel safer?
Don't’ have to worry about fences or external maintenance?

yabu screw what you want here! think of your dc?!! Hardly have to be a Gardener to throw a lawnmower over a patch of grass!

I am sure we somehow just do gardens wrong but despite having a mud kitchen, a sandpit, paddling pool and all sorts out there, ours have always much preferred the park.

We hate gardening and don't get much out of having a garden. British people are obsessed with gardens though, as this thread shows.

The big thing I like about a house is being in control of the maintenance and not having to pay a management charge

I don’t think either you or your DH are being unreasonable about what sort of property you want, there’s advantages and disadvantages to both sorts of property.

The unreasonable bit here is the problem you and your DH are having with discussing it and listening to each other.

How old is your DS? Mine spend loads of time in the garden that couldn’t be replaced by going to the park

This. A park, even on your doorstep, does not come close to the benefits of having a garden for DC.

I don’t even know anyone in my kids schools who live in apartments and I’m in Scotland