To not want to move into a house?

[SnotRag81]

I’ve always lived in flats. DH and I currently live in a 2 bed flat with DS and we’re now in the position to move to somewhere bigger. I’ve looked at a few flats and when I showed DH he rolled his eyes and said “will you stop looking at flats, we want a house”. I don’t!! I’ve always lived in flats and I have no desire to change that.
DH says a house will give us outdoor space but neither of us are gardeners so what’s the point? There is always a park nearby for fresh air.

DH is refusing to discuss it further saying he isn’t moving into another flat. AIBU?

Depends on the flat! I open my back door and step outside into my own garden
Only 4 flats and no noise from the others as they're really well insulated

YABU, you don’t have a genuine reason. I’ve just moved into house after 10 years in flats and it’s great. Quieter, more privacy and private outdoor space is amazing. And I’m not into gardening

I've lived in 5 homes, only one of them houses, the rest flats. I hated living in the house!

Really don't know what it is, I just loved all the flats.

It sounds like you're being stubborn - flats have the potential for noisy neighbours from so many angles, have no green space, are a pain for maintenance charges (if purchasing) and you always have to consider the amount of noise you're transmitting to neighbours.

'Always living in a flat' isn't a reason not to go for a house - your DH sounds very reasonable, and I think you need to listen to him.

You're both being too rigid. There are lots of reasons to choose a house, greater privacy, outdoor space, more opportunity to add value etc. Which ones matter to your husband? Being all on one floor in a flat is great but noise from all sides and tripping over other people's bikes in a shared hallway can be a bother. You need to work out what's best for you all as a family. Why not look at all the properties in your price range regardless of type and find what's going to work best.

Bungalow with a garden

I think you are mad to rule out houses!

I’ve lived in flats and hated them for various reasons…… upstairs neighbours frequent noisy parties, random items blocking communal areas (bikes, DIY supplies…), arguments over communal expenses (like roof repairs), lack of maintenance of shared gardens….

Your own garden is a huge bonus! My boys love sitting out in the nice weather. I enjoy feeding the local wildlife. On really hot days we get the pool out. My garden looks great and I only pay £25 a month during spring:l/summer for a gardener to maintain it.

A huge bonus for me was being able to store bikes/scooters etc in my shed.

Having a park nearby really isn’t comparable to kids having their own garden to play in! And most people aren’t gardeners when they don’t have a garden!

With a child, having a garden is such an advantage. You don’t need ‘to be gardeners’ to have a garden. It’s great - paddling pool in summer, kick a ball around, or just let them play in the mud.

Why not both if you look at flats and houses and see how you go?

You don’t have to be avid gardeners to have and maintain outside space. We are hardly gardeners but love spending time in our garden. I’m with your husband on this one, you’ve not really given a proper reason why you don’t want to live in a house.

With houses as well you don’t have to maintenance and ground rent charges which ultimately puts me off flats.

I can see positives and negatives to both - I lived in a house before moving into DH's flat, it's a HA property with a secure tenancy so it just made sense to do it that way round.

I agree with a PP that location can be a major benefit of flats - we don't have DC and the flat is dead central in a really buzzing area with loads of pubs/restaurants/music venues/shops etc right on our doorstep, whereas my house was a bit further out and (while there were some decent pubs, a few shops and places to eat nearby) any 'big' night out or shopping trip etc would mean a bus ride or an Uber. Plus where we are (central Bristol) we're a short walk from both the train station and the main coach station so easy access to public transport beyond Bristol itself. Our flat is also really well built so no issues with noise etc.

But... I REALLY miss having a garden! We have (overlooked) communal gardens and there's a park really close by but it's just not the same - I can't just sit out in the sun or have the patio doors open etc. Like you I'm not in any way a gardener and my house only had a teeny square of grass and a paved patio with a couple of planters, so very low upkeep required, but it was big enough to have a couple of deck chairs, a BBQ and firepit for warm evenings and a little paddling pool to sit in or plonk my feet into in hot weather. The stairs in the flat are a real pain too - we're on the second floor and sometimes it just seems such an effort to just pop out, plus getting new furniture/white goods etc up the stairs is a nightmare.

I'd keep your options open and not limit yourselves to either definitely a flat or definitely a house - you may find somewhere that offers the best of both worlds!

We have a tiny garden, mowing would take 10 minutes at most (we've planted wildflowers instead and thrash down 3 times a year) plant a rose, a little tree, some pots of veg ... great learning opportunities for dc. House is so much better, but we have the advantages of secure residential parking here as well

Stop being selfish and think about your child and your partners needs too . What do you get off a flat that you don’t get in a house ? Nothing so it’s only fair you don’t let them go without something you know it’s beneficial

I live in a flat and I am desperate for my own private outdoor space. Doesn’t have to be a garden - a yard will be fine for me. I want to be able to hang washing out, have a bbq, upcycle old furniture by painting which needs to be done outdoors, just sit outside in the summer evenings when it’s cooler outside than in and most importantly to be able to have a cat that can easily go in and out. I would so much love to have a cat but it’s just not fair to keep one in a flat 🙁.
You don’t need to have a garden - but outdoor space is a dream of mine. If lockdowns taught me anything - all flats should be legally required to have private balconies. I don’t even have that 🙁🙁.
I am on your husband’s side in this @SnotRag81 .

Or ground floor flat? Then you get the flat and he gets the garden. I live in one. It's really spacious, ground floor of a Victorian house so double fronted and big garden.
I grew up in a big house and I don't miss all the stairs!

Unless you're moving to a house because you want to have kids, no, YANBU. You want what you want, DH want what he wants, and neither choice is correct or incorrect.

Personally, I'm with you. If it weren't for our son I'd chose a flat all day long. Little to no maintenance (esp if you rent), smaller, cheaper to furnish, quicker to clean, more likely to be close to shops/public transport. Why add work to your life just to sit in a slightly larger room when you're at home? Spend the time and money getting out of the house and doing things!

I have lived in both. I hated living in the flat. It depends on the set up with the flat I suppose, but I hated having no where to sit on a sunny day, shared post areas, shared communal doors, carrying shopping upstairs and I always worried if there was a fire in a downstairs flat. I felt more at the mercy of the other flat owners. In a house you are more self-contained and usually don’t share anything with the neighbour apart from a party wall. I would never live in a flat again, so I’m team DH.

Op has a child?

Where are you? In Scotland, saying you want to live in a flat wouldn’t generate 2 pages of bewildered responses.

That's nonsense, the vast majority of families prefer to live in houses here too

Quite the assumption there. Maybe OP lives in a really fancy block and doesn’t want DC to go without the resident’s swimming pool 🤷‍♀️

I’m thinking of moving to a flat once everyone has left home but it has to have certain criteria. It has to have either its own private garden or a decent balcony with a half decent view. I wouldn’t have chosen a flat over a house with children though because kids are noisy, whether they’re young or teenagers (and we have a dog).

I think a good compromise if you really can’t agree is either a garden flat or a bungalow.

Grew up in a maisonette (no garden but we did have roof access, kind of thing)

Moved into a Flat, then rented a house, then another Maisonette (with a small balcony),
Now in a House again
I, personally, would always choose House.

I disagree.

Why on earth would you prefer a flat over a house?!