To be struggling with the very idea of exercise

[frumpalert]

I used to be superfit, 100lbs, fell runner. I then became ill, and have spent 10 years trying to get help from an NHS that repeatedly told me I was delusional or exaggerating. Finally been diagnosed and am due to have major surgery soon. But in the meantime, I've been so unwell that I've been confined to bed for long periods and put on 93lbs, meaning I am now nearly 200lbs, clinically obese, a size 16 and very severely depressed (my career is in the toilet, and I am on drugs that pull your mood down).

I have been told my likelihood of recovering from the op, which as I said is major surgery with a 3 month recovery, will improve if I diet and exercise, which I know is good advice. But I hate my body and even though I used to love running I now feel completely humiliated at the idea of going out in public and exercising.

Just getting out of the door is a huge hurdle. It's not the exercise, it's the feeling of utter humiliation and worry about the comments and looks I might get. As a former runner, I know this is A Thing.

A giant factor is that I cannot find clothing that I feel comfortable in. A lot of the plus size ranges are skimpy bras and tight leggings with a bare midriff. Don't get me wrong, it works for loads of women and they look great, but it absolutely does not work for me. AT ALL. I just feel ridiculous and the very idea of going out like that makes me feel like crying. (I am 45 and very pale so exposed skin isn't a great idea practically either. Yes, I really lucked out in the genetic lottery!!)

A lot of other ranges are just the same garments for thin women but in larger sizes. This means that cut off points don't cover my bum or my bits. I never dress like that for a reason. I would feel much more comfortable with something that came down to mid thigh, but a lot of the fitness dresses have tight tops and I look like a horribly bundled sack of potatoes in them. I cried in Decathlon when I tried theirs on today.

I am at a point where I'm just considering buying an XXL mens T-shirt for running and using that, but it will be baggy in weird places. I'm hoping that someone on here has some advice to help me. Please don't tell me to put my big girl pants on and put up with skimpiness, I just absolutely do not have the emotional strength to do that at this point.

Have you seen an app called “Active 10”? I’ve been using it and its really helped me… it basically records how many minutes of brisk walking you do and you get incentives for doing 10 mins at a time; the aim is to do 3 x 10 mins a day, doesn’t have to be all in one go. It’s really got me moving a lot more than I was and is much kinder on your joints than running.

Big hugs OP. I’m a size 16 and had all the same worries as you about starting exercise, and being judged and I have yet to meet someone who has as awful self talk as I subject myself to. I also take drugs for mental illness with cause weight gain. I could’ve written exactly the same thing in Feb.

The first thing I did was just get out for walks, because I was anxious just leaving the house. When I was doing around an hour three times a week I started the C25k. I found I got a lot less anxious as I went out more.

I have never run before, so I ended up hurting myself a little ☺️ so I got a gym referral from my GP for the leisure centre. They write you a plan and everything. I actually ended up being gifted some personal training sessions which I have continued at an independent local gym.

Even though I’m quite pathetic and obviously out of my depth when it comes to exercise, everyone has been really friendly. At both the leisure centre and the gym that I go to now there were lots of people of different sizes and ages so I don’t feel so out of place.

I wore sweat shirts and sweat pants because they cover all the wobbly bits. I also did it at 8 pm when the roads were empty. The more I did it the better I fell about going outside when there were people. In the summer, I’ve shifted to large T-shirts and full length Nike leggings.

By this point, even though I take so many breaks I feel much better because I’m getting my endorphins hit and it feels like medicine.

Exercise and losing weight are two different things. Carrying excess weight puts a lot of strain on the joints and increases the risk of diabetes, heart disease and cancer. Exercise is about improving cardiovascular fitness, strength and suppleness. It's also extremely good for mental health, especially if it involves getting out of the house, appreciating nature and meeting other people. Getting a bit sweaty is no big deal in comparison.

(I may say, nobody could be worse co-ordinated than I am - but I can still manage a brisk walk.)

@frumpalert, I'm 52, size 16 and run/cycle/swim many times a week. Recently added early morning cross fit. I have a very long torso. I find Ron Hill running kit fits really well. Lands End for swimsuits.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Size 16 isn't the end of the world. Plenty of size 16 running/workout kit around - my favourite running shorts are from Decathlon. Just get out and walk... run.... anything! The more you do, the better you'll feel.

I've just restarted exercise after a year off during which I've been very ill and had 4 major operations. I'm a similar size to you. I've started with swimming and aqua classes. As it's fairly gentle and low impact it's suiting me really well physically, but also lots of people use it for rehab so there are all ages, shapes and sizes and I haven't felt at all self conscious. I'd really recommend it as a starting point, along with walking, and then move onto running or other more intensive exercise after a few weeks or so when you've had time to build up both your confidence and fitness.

Clotheswise I just don't do leggings, ever, so it's black jogging bottoms in women's sizes. They exist. They're probably not as comfortable as leggings but I don't care. And baggy-ish women's T shirts exist too in the exercise section. Mine are from Matalan and H&M. I probably would look better in more fitted stuff, but I don't care, I'm not going there.

My embarrassment reduced once I could run 10 min stints but tbh I think it was only ever in my head. As a fat 40-something I don't seem to attract any comments at all, barring the very occasional "you can do it!".

The problem I have is my fatigue just makes the whole thing impossible. Fatigue clinic tell me I can try doing 5 min runs but I have not yet got the energy up!

I'd start with getting your 10000 steps in and concentrating on your diet to start with.
Primark do some great workout clothes, longer looser tops, their leggings are great, pre losing weight and falling pregnant I was a size 16. I also got a couple of Adidas loose vests in their sale which are longer and looser.
Good luck op.

You make a good argument; but if the OP struggles cries hysterically like me everytime they finish exercising then it is not worth it.

Instead of buying cheap, baggy stuff, you may feel better investing in some higher-quality items from Sweaty Betty, Fabletics or similar. You can get them second hand or even new on eBay or Vinted. Look for high-waisted, thick leggings in nice patterns and colours that suck everything in, worn over high-waisted knickers. Get tops that skim or are ruched and pair with a decent sports bra / crop top that fits properly from Panache or similar. These are also easily available on eBay (and I'm a 30G). You deserve decent sportswear!

Are the clothes an avoidance - I'm a bit larger than you, whenever I have a "I'm going to exercise" splurge, It's about getting the clothes, a sports bra, shoes, sports headphones, a camel backpack, and at one point when I was looking at doing couch to 5k, a wristband to keep my keys in was the final "must have".
Of course, I have all those things (well, pockets to hold my keys, and I really wasn't likely to run so fast that wired headphones wouldn't be enough to get going).

Just get out there - as others have said start with fast walking, build up from that - the getting out for a walk will give you more confidence, and no one is going to catcall or get excited about what a middle age woman is walking to walk around the park in.
Loose trousers and a baggy t shirt will be fine to get going.
Look for any local walking/running groups - or just someone else interested in a meet up for a few laps around the park.

I run (not particularly well) and I don’t recognise the judgment comment at all OP. I’ve always found that no one really cares. If I see someone of larger build running I always think good for them.

I’m a size 10/12 down from a 14 a few months ago, but still don’t feel comfortable at the gym or running in a crop top. I tend to go for legging or cycle shorts with a sports bra and a longish baggy vest. Adidas do some good ones which are pretty cheap in sports direct.

If you’re still in fell running country, start by hill walking. Nobody looks good in hillwalking gear, and nobody expects anyone else to.

Look at what else is going on in your community- I saw a women’s rounders game in the park. They were having a lot of fun, and every single one of them was overweight or obese. And not an item of sportswear between them.

As a larger runner, believe me that people won't care what you look like out exercising. I get loads of encouragement, some slightly patronising comments (maybe 5 or 6 in 6 years of running) but mostly just say hello or hi and get the same back.

Park run/walk would be a great way to get out with others once you're able to do 5k. I started off walking, at nearly 18 stones, and lost nearly 30 pounds just doing that for a few months before starting running. I found getting started was so hard but worth the effort once I got into the routine.

There are good clothes for larger runners that keep you together and cover the bits you don't want to expose. Sturdy by Design is good for leggings, Boobydo for bras but really a good bra and decent running shoes are all you need to start with.

Good luck with the op, and hope you feel you can get out exercising once you've recovered enough.

A few things:

There are plenty of exercise brands available that aren't overly revealing, it's genuinely not the case that it's all crop tops.

Weight loss is largely about food choices. I personally find that done alongside an exercise routine works best as it seems to regulate appetite and cravings and does burn some extra calories, but the weight loss will come from diet.

Given both your health issues and headspace, heading out the door for a run sounds like setting yourself up for failure. If you could afford it you could get a treadmill for the house and start a couch to 5k or similar, but otherwise as others have suggested there's a ton of good youtube videos.

Good luck! It's great that you're tackling this, try not to get too hung up on how you look and focus on getting healthier and feeling fitter.

As a slim ex-runner, I have never judged anyone negatively for doing exercise.

Do yoga via videos so you can do it in your front room and wear what you like.

I wear 20/22/24 size tops (depending on style) and buy them from curvissa. They have longline sports tops. I have leggings from there but also really like the Matalan cropped leggings

I have never in my life worn a bra top or crop top as outerwear and its rare I see anyone wearing one at the sports classes I go to. I favour longish sports tops and leggings

I'm a similar size and weight to you due to meds. I have started running regularly, just wear a mens oversized t shirt over a sports bra and running tights. Once I'm running, I enjoy it so much, I don't care what I look like.

I have some t shirts from next that are quite long in the active range. And leggings from sweaty Betty. I only ever tuck my t shirt up under my sports bra when it's really really hot. I was 183lbs and 155lbs. I started couch 2 5k a few months ago and just graduated and that came from me walking 10k steps a day. Also I got to clubbercise classes which is basically raving in the dark

Gosh this sounds really hard! I have a big boobs and I always exercise in baggy tshirts, I just feel more comfortable. Lots of women do so don't worry if you feel better covered up. Just thinking do you have any friends/family who might come out with you the first few times? It might just help your confidence doing it with someone else. Good luck!

Sorry you have health problems. Hope you can feel more like your old self soon.

Seem to be some longer tshirts around. Just a few links

https://www.yoursclothing.co.uk/search?q=sportswear

https://direct.asda.com/george/women/tops/grey-textured-active-top/G007475282,default,pd.html?redirectFromInt=1&cmpid=ppc--geor-------_-dskwid-_dm&utm_campaign=pla:Fashion-Womens_BAU-_Performance_Max&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkenD_9uTgAMVeRkGAB1ktgsjEAQYBCABEgJ5ZfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

https://www.next.co.uk/style/st005226/a81233?dp=a&dndl=1&gbraid=0AAAAADm_5UX2paWLywClS03PbT9D_hwfL&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkenD_9uTgAMVeRkGAB1ktgsjEAQYCCABEgLzRfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds#a81233

https://www.marksandspencer.com/scoop-neck-mesh-back-t-shirt/p/clp60506171?extid=ps_ps-pla-pmax_ggl_ww_ch__-UK-_-_bau&gbraid=0AAAAAD7g6bT4QwjC_3lYgOHYkVmSVGKb6&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIkenD_9uTgAMVeRkGAB1ktgsjEAQYCiABEgL5XfD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

I could have written your post a year ago. I dislocated my knee while running (fells too) and became really disheartened with all the injuries I picked up because I was carrying weight & lost my running fitness.

The thought of going out and running anything less than I where I had previously filled me with dread so I stopped exercising at all. And put on more weight & lost more fitness.

I got to prediabetic weight & my Dr gave me a stern talking to. I in turn gave myself a stern talking to and joined a gym - one I knew that none of my running pals used. I went on a diet and lost 20 kg. Nobody gave a shiny shit about my weight, pyramid shape, red face or what I was wearing. So emboldened I went out running again - early mornings. And I am very much enjoying it.... not because of what I look like, but because I am out on the hills again. I am surprised at how quickly it has come back after I committed to getting fit & strong again.

I am not going to lie the first few times I saw people from my running club I was mortified I was so slow and lumpy - but if they noticed they didn't say and they slowed to my pace for a chat. Now I slow for some people - everyone gets injuries and I know how lovely it was to have a word of encouragement.

Lots of good advice so far. If you want a technical wicking material but baggy have a look at womens hiking tshirts at Mountain Warehouse.

I think you probably need to enjoy your body a bit and gain some confidence before running again. I like Refit revolution on YouTube its similar to zumba or fitness blender workouts for strength. There are also various seated exercise videos on YouTube that might be useful after your op to maintain physical movement.

I am a size 20 and, contrary to what I may look like, do quite a lot of exercise. Yoga twice a week, Pilates twice a week, two cardio weights classes a week and min 2 gym visits; and I've got workout clothing coming out of my ears.

I've some from fabletics and ASOS but the majority is from M&S, including the tango one piece they do, which I LOVE as nothing rides up or down.

I'm a bit disappointed by the "As a former runner, I know this is A Thing." referring to judging bigger people exercising. Thankfully I've not experienced any of that (to my face), and I'm not sure by the context you've used if you mean you've witnessed it or participated in it but tbh I'd hope it was neither.

Also, a 16 isn't the end of the world, you're comparing yourself to a previous tiny body. Comparison is the absolute thief of joy so try and focus on making the body you have feel better and move more, rather than mentally tearing it apart because it doesn't look like the previous one.