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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at my DP's sister?

80 replies

Lucyand2 · 25/02/2008 14:59

On saturday I mentioned to DP's sister that DP and I were thinking about getting married later this year, rather than waiting until 2010 as originally planned. The sister is getting married in July next year and although she's been describing her wedding as 'low key' it is going to be quite a big thing.
The next day DP's mum told us that the sister was very upset about us getting married but she couldn't quite explain why. As far as I can tell she thinks our wedding will draw attention away from hers. We're planning a very small wedding without an evening thing and very few guests so I really don't understand what her problem is. I felt a bit upset when I first heard but now I just feel annoyed

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 25/02/2008 15:03

Sounds like she is being a major bridezilla, I'd ignore it completely if I were you, don't indulge her.

Shaniece · 25/02/2008 15:03

hmmm I can see both sides of the coin. Why have you decided to bring your date forward?

I don't know what else to say other than I can see her point of view.

Shaniece · 25/02/2008 15:04

and yours .

Chequers · 25/02/2008 15:04

Message withdrawn

hifi · 25/02/2008 15:04

tell her she needs to get over herself.surely a year between should be enough time for her.

girlfrommars · 25/02/2008 15:05

????
Don't let it bother you. She's being a scary bridezilla. Just give steer clear of her from Christmas onwards as if she's this bad now .....

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 25/02/2008 15:05

It isn't easy to explain but I can see why your DP's sister is a little upset. I'm not saying that she is reasonable, because it is not a reasonable reaction to have, but I do understand and it is not easy to explain.

Chequers · 25/02/2008 15:05

Message withdrawn

beaniesteve · 25/02/2008 15:06

I dunno - my sister was planning a small wedding for August last year but then my brother proposed to his girlfriend and they decided to have the wedding 4 weeks before my sister. She said she wasn't put out but my brother and his wife's much bigger wedding did seem to be held extremely close to my sisters. At one point it looked like the may only be a 2 week gap.

It was actually quite a financial strain on our family too so far as buying frocks, presents, gettign to the venue was concerned.

Could you not arrange a date after your sil to be's wedding?

flowerybeanbag · 25/02/2008 15:09

But beanie, OP is now planning small wedding this year, sister is planning big wedding next year. Not nearly as close as your example which I think would indeed be irritating!

TheFallenMadonna · 25/02/2008 15:09

If she isn't getting married until July next year, and you are planning on getting married this year (so that there will be at least 7 months) between your wedding and hers, then yes, she is being completely unreasonable.

TheFallenMadonna · 25/02/2008 15:10

x post with beanbag.

Kewcumber · 25/02/2008 15:11

agree that weddings less than a month appart are the pits but at least 6 months apart is not unreasonable.

TheFallenMadonna · 25/02/2008 15:11

Oh yes. 6 months.

beaniesteve · 25/02/2008 15:13

Ah - I see. Maybe she's pissed off because she wanted to be the first to get married then, which is a bit unreasonable - it's not a competition!

How do you get on with your SIL usually? At least your MIL felt able to tell you and she does seem to have suggested that SIL does know it's silly to feel this way...

PotPourri · 25/02/2008 15:18

People get well funny about weddings. My friend got in a real tizz when her cheif bridemaid announced she was getting married, but she did not invite her to help her find her dress....! What?

Anyway, she is being a bridzilla, just ignore it. But be creaful not to rub it in her face, and whatever you do NEVER compare the two events EVER!

Original poster

Lucyand2 · 25/02/2008 15:19

We're thinking about bringing it forwards as my Mum suggested it and even offered to pay when I said we weren't getting married because we've got no money. It seems daft to wait when someone is offering to help and I'd really like to have the same surname as DP and my two kids (if that makes sense)
I did specifically say that it was heavily dependent on our situation at the time as DP may be moving jobs up the other end of the country. I also said that it quite possibly wouldn't happen! I don't get why she's so upset when DP and I have 2 kids together and we're engaged, it was going to happen at some point. I don't want to upset her as we're good friends most of the time, unfortunately the sister is quite..erm..indulged and has always got her own way. I don't want to change my plans to suit her but at the same time I don't want to cause problems!

OP posts:

Chequers · 25/02/2008 15:24

Message withdrawn

Chequers · 25/02/2008 15:24

Message withdrawn

Original poster

Lucyand2 · 26/02/2008 10:00

Just got this e-mail from her, can't understand why she hasn't just phoned us

'I'm emailing you both because I understand that mum mentioned to DP that me and xx are a little concerned about the fact that you are considering getting married at the end of this year and I just wanted to clear things up as soon as possible - first of all can I just say, we're very happy for you, you two are a great couple and I'm sure you'll be very happy together - what concerns us is your possibly planning to get married just a few months before we have planned to... with many of the same family members we feel this may have an anti climatic effect on our marriage which everyone knows is planned for the following summer.
I know you may not be able to understand why this would worry us, don't get me wrong xx and I know that we will still have an absolutely lovely wedding no matter what because we'll be getting married but it does seem unfortunate to us that you are now planning your wedding quite close to ours and didn't consider that this might be an issue.
Mum explained to me that the 2 weddings will be very different, I?m sure they will be and in all probability it may have not have an effect at all but it just seems a little inconsiderate.
Anyway, I love you both very much and I am very happy for you and the last thing I want to do is upset either of you...it'll be great to finally be able to call you my sister(like I don't do it already!), I guess I just wanted to explain why this concerned us and I didn't feel like it could go unsaid.'

If anything I'm even more upset now

OP posts:

flowerybeanbag · 26/02/2008 10:03

That's so rubbish! Why on earth should you think it was an issue, and what on earth's that all about an 'anti-climactic effect'?? It's not like you're having a massive wedding a fortnight before or anything. How self-centred of her.

Lulumama · 26/02/2008 10:04

'd be upset too ! it makes it sound like there is only a finite amount of excitement that people can muster up ! 2 weddings a few months apart is not an issue.. if you want to get married now, rather than 2 years time, then go for it....

posieflump · 26/02/2008 10:05

'we feel this may have an anti climatic effect on our marriage which everyone knows is planned for the following summer'
crikey can't beleive she actually wrote that

how can it possible make her wedding anti climatic

she has gone mad

seeker · 26/02/2008 10:09

Lucyand2, you don't have to get married to have the same name!

themildmanneredjanitor · 26/02/2008 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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