To think this is a strange attitude from a ‘professional’.

[Stuckinthemiddlewithhugh]

Just graduated. First. Delighted, also nominated for a special award for writing…
ceremony booked for first day of holidays and my childminder is on holiday. We’re pretty much no contact or Xmas only with the entire family and I’ve not made any friends in this area/ couldn’t name a single parent at the school even. I’m just not very chatty/ can’t be bothered/ to busy trying to survive work and Uni etc .
so I decline the invitation at first - politely of course. The chap in the uni awards department then asks why I’m not going. I explain about having DS all day, chap says I can bring him, oh great, I shop online for a smart outfit for him and look for something fun nearby we could do afterwards. I’m then emailed again to push to buy tickets and hire gown etc. I decline the gown, explain I don’t want photos and the attire’s not mandatory. Offer to pay for single ticket for DS ( I’m free). Chap then sends a ridiculously long and weirdly worded email ( AI generated perhaps?)explaining to me that I need to purchase at least two tickets and bring another adult else DS can’t go. If I had another adult I could ask I would get them to watch DS wouldn’t I , FFS? Not sit through hours in a stuffy hall 🤦‍♀️
anyway this conversation was on my birthday, which I was spending alone with DS because that’s the reality of my life and this strange man is trying to tell me everyone has a friggin village.
anyway, I’ve told them I’m not bothered. The whole thing smacks of a money spinning exercise and if it’s anything like our ‘show’ it’ll be chaotic and poorly organised.
We’re off to the zoo instead.
the university is a joke anyway. I didn’t even bother to attend for two years of the three, I just taught myself and submitted work as if it were an online degree. Because there was absolutely nothing to gain from being there and the course and lectures were shit. WhatsApp group literally full of complaints and jokes about how awful it is.
Post graduate offer looks like a much better place. Maybe I’ll got to that ceremony. But this weird attitude from the awards office really just ices the cake of 3 years of poor experience and wishing I’d just done more research before enrolling. So even if I had another adult to come I’m not sure I’d want to give them my money now anyway!
Am I being stroppy? Or can you see my point?

Congratulations in your course. Especially wfh.

What degree was it?

Perhaps this was what his actual message was - albeit in a roundabout way!
He wasn't saying that you yourself had to bring someone - but that someone had to watch the child

What @Indigotree says…

There's so much innocence about pressured sales tactics here.

Each year, there are around 2 million students graduating from first qualifications, about 800k from post grad studies.

At a 'nice and cheap' £30 a ticket, graduate, plus two guests, that's an income stream of £84,000,000 before photos, gowns and the like are purchased.

That's why he was doing the old fashioned hard sell. Not anything else. To tempt, teases, guilt, manipulate and outright bully her into a sale, as it would be around £100 per graduate sale.

I don't know, I have been though 2 recent grad ceremonies and the requests for spair tickets and waitlist for extra tickets over the allotted 2 was big.

So I can't imagine there is much incentive to hard sell.

@Baisksomwms then why did he insist that OP must buy two tickets and bring someone else along?

Wtf are you On about?
money spinning? Unless your child is late teens then yes you will need someone to go with them, as you don’t sit with the guests during a graduation.

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus - because a child that young is too young to be sitting on their own, during a graduation ceremony (or anything else similar), obviously.

Those figures are pretty flawed, since plenty of universities don't charge for tickets for graduation. only for the cost of hiring robes. Graduation actually costs those institutions a fair amount of money.

My university didn’t own the robes and hoods, they were hired from an outfitter in town. Perhaps there was some sort of commission arrangement, but I doubt that they made a load of money from it.

Same

Ours was marsdon robing who do tons of those events across the country (avoiding clashing ones I expect)
Mi assume a commission to the university but the company gets a ton from expensive photography packages.

This is completely flawed.
Most universities don't charge for graduation tickets and they don't own the gowns.

I get that you are frustrated but I think he just assumed you'd be bringing someone as well as the DC and thought that you didn't want to go if the DC couldn't go.
I absolutely understand that they can't have a child unsupervised and you indicated that your uni friends families would do it so you could have just said that instead.
He was BU and making assumptions, which lots of people do, about people having family and friends and support networks and wanting to participate fully in the ceremony with gowns etc.
But YABU also to take it all so personally and go digging around the background of this person. He should not have made all these assumptions and you are rightly disappointed as you'd understood that it was possible to bring DC but in fact it wasn't. So by all means lodge a complaint with university around their policies which are not inclusive and their staff not being super clear with you but I don't think you need to take it so personally with him.

Some people get really uppity and absorbed in ceremonies. Some don’t. You should have just stuck to your initial preference to not go without being lured in to even discussing it. Good on you for not caving in to it. People who need ceremonies and award dinners to feel special are the ones who are insecure, not you.

People who need ceremonies and award dinners to feel special are the ones who are insecure, not you.

Clearly nobody needs these things but wanting to attend them doesn't make you insecure.

Is anyone being unreasonable here?

Cutting through the noise, you were asked to go to a ceremony, you declined for childcare reasons, they said you could bring your child but offered some
probably valid advice about bringing another adult, you concluded the ceremony isn’t for you, so you aren’t going.

No one is unreasonable. It’s just a thing that happened.

This is a thread from July!!

This

also your OP reads a bit like AI.

I think graduation ceremonies are just for money. I didn’t go to mine.

You are being unfair blaming his background. Maybe he's an arse but that's got nothing to do with his background. It just makes you sound prejudiced.

Also, both my graduation ceremonies involves sitting away from my family for a couple of hours so that's quite different to being at a dentist. Even if your son just sat quietly in his seat I can imagine it wouldn't be allowed.

(But yes, he shouldn't have tried to convince you to attend your graduation ceremony and just left it when you said you can't. ).

Your stalled him over a misunderstanding on child care???

This all happened back in July, so the ceremony is presumably long over?

It’s the flip flopping that I think is the problem - the guy clearly didn’t read and consider your first email properly, then had to back track re your son attending.

i think YABU re his cultural background as you can’t know what his family set up is.

Uuggjjjjj zombie

The graduation ceremonies at my university cost the university money. Students have to pay Marsden a private company for gowns. Their tickets and two guest tickets are free. The uni hire out a massive venue for two weeks which costs money. Put on post ceremony reception with a glass of wine and a buffet included which costs money. Not sure what’s money spinning about it.

I think graduation ceremonies are just for money. I didn’t go to mine.
Hahaha nope!
It costs us loads to run. We don't make money from it at all.