To think this is a strange attitude from a ‘professional’.

[Stuckinthemiddlewithhugh]

Just graduated. First. Delighted, also nominated for a special award for writing…
ceremony booked for first day of holidays and my childminder is on holiday. We’re pretty much no contact or Xmas only with the entire family and I’ve not made any friends in this area/ couldn’t name a single parent at the school even. I’m just not very chatty/ can’t be bothered/ to busy trying to survive work and Uni etc .
so I decline the invitation at first - politely of course. The chap in the uni awards department then asks why I’m not going. I explain about having DS all day, chap says I can bring him, oh great, I shop online for a smart outfit for him and look for something fun nearby we could do afterwards. I’m then emailed again to push to buy tickets and hire gown etc. I decline the gown, explain I don’t want photos and the attire’s not mandatory. Offer to pay for single ticket for DS ( I’m free). Chap then sends a ridiculously long and weirdly worded email ( AI generated perhaps?)explaining to me that I need to purchase at least two tickets and bring another adult else DS can’t go. If I had another adult I could ask I would get them to watch DS wouldn’t I , FFS? Not sit through hours in a stuffy hall 🤦‍♀️
anyway this conversation was on my birthday, which I was spending alone with DS because that’s the reality of my life and this strange man is trying to tell me everyone has a friggin village.
anyway, I’ve told them I’m not bothered. The whole thing smacks of a money spinning exercise and if it’s anything like our ‘show’ it’ll be chaotic and poorly organised.
We’re off to the zoo instead.
the university is a joke anyway. I didn’t even bother to attend for two years of the three, I just taught myself and submitted work as if it were an online degree. Because there was absolutely nothing to gain from being there and the course and lectures were shit. WhatsApp group literally full of complaints and jokes about how awful it is.
Post graduate offer looks like a much better place. Maybe I’ll got to that ceremony. But this weird attitude from the awards office really just ices the cake of 3 years of poor experience and wishing I’d just done more research before enrolling. So even if I had another adult to come I’m not sure I’d want to give them my money now anyway!
Am I being stroppy? Or can you see my point?

I mean this genuinely and not mumsnet sarcastically - are you neurodivergent? Whether the answer to that is yes or no (and you don't need to tell us strangers on a forum), I really think you could benefit from some therapy. There are therapists who will work online and do evenings etc to work around your lack of childcare. I think there's a whole host of things in your posts that you could benefit from unpicking with someone.

it doesn't sound like OP likes any contact with people

@MaybeBabyTwo
I have Ptsd from childhood experiences of violence, SA/trafficking. I don’t socialise much because of this mainly. Hence this all feels a bit much. I actually regret doing the course because its been really hard and stressful ( not academically but the practical stuff ) and I’ve not enjoyed it at all or gained anything from it other than some debt and a huge sense of feeling lost and like I’ve wasted time. Was shocked to get such brilliant grades but really don’t feel like it’s worth it or know what to do next. Also didn’t make the friends I promised myself .

I think people are being incredibly unfair to the OP.
Obviously if you explain you can't attend an event due to having a child, it's not just implicit but obvious you mean due to having to look after the child.
This man insisted the child could come. Then later insisted, despite OP repeatedly telling him she had no childcare, that she was wrong and actually had family and friends willing to come too and look after the child.
An incredibly hurtful and insensitive assumption and very rude.

Mansplaining single motherhood to a single mother.

Looking up a university official on the university website staff list after said official has behaved in an unprofessional manner is sensible and normal, not odd at all.

It's completely normal for social services etc to step in if a single parent is in hospital or has hospital appointments and has no childcare. Not odd at all.

I've stepped in to provide childcare (fir weeks at a time) for a neighbour in that position when she had long hospital stays. Not everyone has a willing neighbour with the time or resources.

OP, I would be upset by the experience too. I think it was just a misunderstanding, but an insensitive one on the part of someone sounding pushy. It is extra upsetting when you're in a difficult position already due to circumstances.
I think finding support through other single parents and some connections over time might be useful in your situation. Gingerbread, Home Start, Kids Time are some possibilities. Less officially, just small steps meeting other parents, and therapy for ptsd, if it's possible in your circumstances.
I hope you can have a beautiful zoo day and celebrate the achievement of your degree and brilliant results.

You couldn't have sat in a specific seat with a child, or walked across the stage exactly when your name was called. I can understand why they felt it would be a circus. They've probably dodged a bullet for you.

I mean if the seat was in the middle of the aisle and you were having to get up and down with a child.

The are not employed just to annoy you and I find your assumption of what you found by looking them up as really odd, you decided not to go so why the need for all the drama?

I's still complaining OP. Driving home the point of how alone in the world you really are, isn't helpful so maybe he'll learn to actually take people at their word when they say they have no one.

@UsingChangeofName
" I think your statement about the Local Authority looking after him if you were ill sounds really strange"

This IS what has to happen sometimes, emergency fostercare and think OP used it to show she has NO-ONE to support her at all.

I do think that working through your social issues could be something useful to work towards.

I do understand that we're all different and make and maintain relationships differently, but it is us unusual to be so isolated and does cause not only real stress in these one off occasions, but also may not be brilliant for the child at least day to day. I'm not a fan of the school run and generally leave it to the cm and DH, but I do know parents of children in my DC classes from activities and parties and I always make the effort to arrange playdates with the children my DC ask to have round. This means that there have been a few occasions where those parents who now know me, Ds and our house have felt able to ask for help with a pick up/drop off/childcare while attending a funeral type thing and that enables me to ask for a favour in kind.

Making these small and minor social connections is mutually useful for all of us but also helps you feel less alone in times of stress, and models to children how to connect and be part of a community a bit more.

Up to you of course, but it's what I would pick out if this that you could make a positive change out of.

@Stuckinthemiddlewithhugh

It clearly states that he cap and gown is not compulsory but smart clothes are. I wasn’t going to do the cap and gown.

This sounds a very strange graduation ceremony. One of the pleasures of graduation is finally wearing the robes and cap (and hood colour of your specialty). I still keep mine. Why is it optional? For mass photo purposes at the very least, I would think the institution would wish everyone to wear caps and gowns. They can be usually hired for the purpose.

@Georgeandzippyzoo I am aware of the extreme and emergency cases where that has to happen, but I am saying I (in my own, personal opinion) think it is very strange to be happy to stay in such a place in your life that you think it is an acceptable place to be in life.
As per @QuickWash 's post, there are so many times when being able to offer a little support to a friend or ask for something yourself just makes the whole world go round a little smoother. Even more so once there is a child in the mix. It is really important in life that each of us creates a support system for ourselves.

YANBU to not want to go to the ceremony but YABU in making assumptions about this person and their values and how you think this has influenced their professional interaction with you, based on looking them up on the internet.
and YABVU in thinking your 8 year old could attend alone. Your child would be sat unaccompanied amongst adult strangers, I can’t think of any setting in which that is allowed?

You sound bitter about someone else's life you've imagined. Maybe work on yourself so you can handle situations like this better, because this is unhinged behaviour. n

To be honest, presuming his ignorance is due to his background is a lot nicer than presuming he's inept and has the emotional intelligence of a rock, which would've been my assumption.

Either way, refusing to believe when someone tells you they have NO ONE is daft and not ok.

Sounds like a drama over nothing. I’d be rethinking my outlook & attitude if I had no one at all in my life to look after my son. Also, you can’t leave a child sat on their own at a graduation ceremony. That’s common sense.

You mentioned families of your peers. Could you not have told the man that DS would be supervised by [X peer]’s family? (After asking X of course)

his man was refusing to believe I don’t have any friends or family to help with childcare or would want to come to the ceremony . He couldn’t understand that I have literally nobody other than the childminder.

I've encountered that attitude a lot - especially in last place we lived as everyone grew up there and had family so no demand for paid childcare - it was at times very frustrating as so many refused to believe me.

However degree ceremonies do usually separate people getting degree from audience and unless they's have explain how it would of worked I've have asked more questions but that's due to encountering prior problems.

But how is it his fault that upon him telling you children are welcome, that you then went and bought outfits etc rather than...oh I don't know... tickets? At which point you would have realised you can't just buy a singular child ticket (which I would have thought was obvious but hey ho). All the build up and planning without tickets is on you, not him.

And I think its also unfair to start judging this man and his life etc just because he is not familiar with the detail of yours. You told him you couldn't attend as your childminder was on holiday, presumably rather than telling him at the outset that you don't have a single other close adult? The two things are not necessarily the same and you need to get the chip off your shoulder both about him and your university experience and just move on with your life!

But x would have been on op's ticket with 1 seat and y had 2 tickets for somewhere eise

Sounds sn odd graduation without having to wear the gowns. My grad was "free" but had to pay £42 for the gown, total rip off.

Tbh this attitude is everywhere on MN too, "there must be someone" so I'm not surprised OP is getting snarky replies or why posters don't get what the "poor bloke" did wrong.

You're making yourself sound bitter with a chip on your shoulder who has a lot pent up emotions about your life style. I think you're ranking yourself above the university you chose, yet you're the one who can't figure what happens at a graduation ceremony.

You're even stalking out people who you PERCEIVE to have judged you (advised/informed you) then judging them!

Put more energy into perhaps finding friends and a support network rather than moaning about on here.

Work on your personal development.

I’d be surprised if they were numbered seats.