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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have handled the mobile phone of someone I only just met?

62 replies

PoshPineapple · 15/07/2023 16:34

Met a group of friends for lunch yesterday and one of the friends had her cousin with her, whom I have never previously met. She had been to Glastonbury and had a really good view of the stage when Elton John was performing and said she had some great pictures. She showed them to the people sitting on either side of her and I asked if I could have a look. She was sitting opposite me and held her phone in front of me, but as I'm blind as the proverbial and without thinking I took the phone off her to look at the photo on the screen.

This morning, I had a text from my friend and in the middle of the text she casually mentioned that her cousin was really pissed off that I tried to take her phone off her and that she saw it as an invasion of her privacy.

Was IBU to say that if she is that precious over her phone, she shouldn't be waving it around to show people stuff on it. I also said I assumed she was holding it out for me to take - but my friend said she sort of agreed I was a bit presumptuous to just take it, especially as I didn't know her.

I really couldn't give a flying twat if the cousin has got the hump with me, I care slightly more that my friend agrees with her, so it's got me thinking....is what I did generally regarded as preposterous behaviour or did I just get unlucky? It crossed my mind it might have been a hand hygiene concern, but she hugged everyone when introduced to them, so I doubt it.

YABU - get your filthy mitts off my phone
YANBU - fine with me!

OP posts:
19lottie82 · 15/07/2023 16:35

How dramatic. She sounds like a right pain in the arse

TorviShieldMaiden · 15/07/2023 16:36

She sounds batshit

CrystalPalaceAlice · 15/07/2023 16:37

Look, but don’t touch. Never, ever, take another persons phone.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 15/07/2023 16:37

Did you swipe through the pictures or just look at the one she was showing you originally?

GalileoHumpkins · 15/07/2023 16:38

I'd never just take someone else's phone.

Allmyghosts · 15/07/2023 16:40

What a precious twat. You were looking at what she showed you not rifling through her messages.

theGooHasGone · 15/07/2023 16:40

It was perhaps a little rude to do it without asking but as long as you just looked at the one photo and then gave it straight back, I don't see the harm.

Original poster
PoshPineapple · 15/07/2023 16:40

I only looked at the picture on the screen - even insensitive me wouldn't flick through a strangers photo gallery!

OP posts:
Allmyghosts · 15/07/2023 16:41

CrystalPalaceAlice · 15/07/2023 16:37

Look, but don’t touch. Never, ever, take another persons phone.

This sounds like some odd urban myth haha.

FunkyMonks · 15/07/2023 16:41

Mixture really yes never grab another's phone unless they literally hand it to you in situations like that I just always nod and smile even if I can't bloody see the picture or if it's just a quick glance etc.

She is however being a bit over dramatic it's not like you were scrolling through her phone sending messages paying for stuff in space of a few seconds what it would have taken to look at said picture.

Personally now you know this cousin to be a bit of an arse it might be worth avoiding occasions where they are out with your friends.

IfItAintBrokeBreakIt · 15/07/2023 16:41

Maybe she thought you were going to start scrolling through for other photos. I had someone do that and thought it was rude and took my phone back after they’d taken it out of my hands. If they would have just looked at the photo I was showing them I wouldn’t have minded.

I wouldn’t have taken the phone though if I was you, I’d have just looked unless she said to take it. People are very private about their phones as they have so much of their lives on them.

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 16:43

GalileoHumpkins · 15/07/2023 16:38

I'd never just take someone else's phone.

Even if they were literally holding it out in front of you??? If you don't want someone to take your phone, you don't make it seem like you're passing it to them!

TillieAnn1945 · 15/07/2023 16:45

Why is she getting your friend to pass this message on after this (completely trivial) non-event? Why is your (so called) friend agreeing to mention this? Does the cousin even know it’s been mentioned to you?

I would not engage in any conversation about it other than to shut it down by saying ‘ oh she should have mentioned it at the time.’ It’s the definition of petty and pathetic.

GalileoHumpkins · 15/07/2023 16:46

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 16:43

Even if they were literally holding it out in front of you??? If you don't want someone to take your phone, you don't make it seem like you're passing it to them!

Show quote history

Yes, most people can tell the difference between having it held in front of them and it being passed to them.

Deathbyfluffy · 15/07/2023 16:47

CrystalPalaceAlice · 15/07/2023 16:37

Look, but don’t touch. Never, ever, take another persons phone.

Nonsense. Don’t wave it in someone’s face if you don’t want them to take it for a closer look - not everyone’s eyesight is perfect.

RachelNoire · 15/07/2023 16:47

What a load of drama over nothing. You didn’t do anything wrong OP. Ignore them.

Peacoffee · 15/07/2023 16:47

I actually think taking the phone out of someone’s hand and viewing it on the opposite side of the table when you don’t know them is a bit weird. From their perspective you could have looked at anything on their phone.

WeWereInParis · 15/07/2023 16:48

Even if taking the phone isn't really the "done thing", she's unreasonable to be really pissed off. Mildly irritated at the time and then forgetting about it would be more normal I'd have thought.

catsnhats11 · 15/07/2023 16:50

I think she's made a fuss unnecessarily, however... I do think there's a social unspoken rule about not taking someone elses phone without asking, like it's an extension of yourself and therefore off limits to touch without permission!

Original poster
PoshPineapple · 15/07/2023 16:52

GalileoHumpkins
BiscuitsandPuffin

Even if they were literally holding it out in front of you??? If you don't want someone to take your phone, you don't make it seem like you're passing it to them!

Yes, most people can tell the difference between having it held in front of them and it being passed to them.

@GalileoHumpkins

Evidently not me though. My Mr Magoo glasses might have given her a clue, unless her eyesight is just as crap!

OP posts:
Kingsparkle · 15/07/2023 16:54

What unnecessary drama from the cousin and the friend. Sounds like the cousin likes being the centre of attention. Look at my Glastonbury pictures, how dare you touch my phone etc etc.

As for never ever touch another person’s phone…grow up.

phoenixrosehere · 15/07/2023 16:54

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 16:43

Even if they were literally holding it out in front of you??? If you don't want someone to take your phone, you don't make it seem like you're passing it to them!

Show quote history

I wouldn’t assume someone was giving me their phone unless they told me to take it.

If someone is holding their phone in front of me and I have trouble seeing, I say, “Sorry, struggling to see and ask them to expand it” and lean closer or ask may I hold the phone and then hand it straight back.

Why would someone I barely know want me to take their phone if they’re just showing me a picture?

HereToo · 15/07/2023 16:55

She sounds a bit dramatic but then so do you as she wasn't 'waving it around', was she?

I think it's probably polite to only take a phone if offered, but you thought she was offering it and that's an easy mistake to make.

Original poster
PoshPineapple · 15/07/2023 16:56

@catsnhats11

I think she's made a fuss unnecessarily, however... I do think there's a social unspoken rule about not taking someone elses phone without asking, like it's an extension of yourself and therefore off limits to touch without permission!

I'm starting to see that now, lessons learned! It makes it a bit odd that she enthusiastically hugged everyone (me included, and I'm not that struck on being embraced by strangers - I'd much rather someone touched my phone than me!)

OP posts:
Pandor · 15/07/2023 16:57

Have we reached a point where people feel so physically inseparable from their phones that even someone else holding it to look at a photo they are being shown causes anguish?

I think that is the point I’d take a serious look at my relationship with the little black mirror!

Still, perhaps she suddenly realised that the photo immediately before that one was where she was trying to get a clear shot of her piles, so every second it was in the OP’s hand felt like an eternity of existential dread and she is still recovering.