To say no to DD going away over Christmas?

81 replies

ChristmasIWantToSeeHer · 15/07/2023 15:23

I feel really bad about it as it means ExH won’t get to go away either.

Share DD 9, with ExH. CAO in place.

We live close enough that we split Christmas, 1 year I have her Christmas Eve and Christmas Morning until 12.30pm and ExH has her 12.30pm Christmas Day until 9am on 27th, then next year we switch, although we tend to do 2 years in each arrangement then switch for 2 years.

ExH has just asked if he can have DD 23rd December until 27th December as a one off. His parents are going away to their holiday home in Scotland for the first time since precovid and he’d like to join them.

DD wants to do our usual arrangement, this year its ExHs turn to have her Christmas Eve and morning, and I was really looking forward to having her for lunch with my very elderly grandparent who adores her.

If I say no then ExH has nowhere to go due to his sibling and their family joining his parents and he won’t not want to see DD at Christmas. Due to the reasons for the split he cannot join us for lunch so after lunchtime he’d be alone.

AIBU to say no?

For context ExH has DD every other weekend for 2 nights, no other times at all even though he lives 2 miles from us and could see her anytime he wanted. He won’t even have her extra in the summer holidays and if he has AL he usually goes away with friends rather than DD. It’d be the first time he’s ever taken DD away on holiday although she has been on school residentials and Brownies Camps so is used to staying away from me for 3-4 nights at a time.

OP posts:

MeMyselfandI2 · 15/07/2023 23:36

I’m a tad concerned when you say she struggles with the overnights with him. Is it possible he’s being abusive on these overnights?

BungleandGeorge · 15/07/2023 23:56

It’s been decided in court, she wants the usual contact, you want the usual contact. You’re under no obligation to change to suit him. Many children would like seeing both parents at Christmas. How far away is this holiday home? Can’t he just go afterwards

Thehippowife · 16/07/2023 00:00

nokidshere · 15/07/2023 15:28

Well if it were my daughter I would first have a conversation with her and take it from there. If she wanted to go then I would let her.

This

Babsexxx · 16/07/2023 05:28

I’m saying let her go if she wants to, sorry that wasn’t clear she’s 9 so I think ultimately it’s her decision. Yes it’s shit that he sticks to such a regimented routine and isn’t flexible taking extra time but it isn’t about op it’s about what her DD wants.

Of course plenty of kids love adventure anytime of year and especially at Christmas! So I don’t know where that’s come from.

WandaWonder · 16/07/2023 05:35

What ever my child wants would be what I go with, genuinely wants not one parent pressuring

OhamIreally · 17/07/2023 17:28

IfYouDontAsk · 15/07/2023 20:14

YANBU. I never understand why some people think a dad should be able to opt out of all of the graft and inconvenient parts of parenting when it suits them, but then he ‘deserves’ to get equal treatment when it comes to things like birthdays and Christmas.

you sound like a wonderful, dedicated mum OP.

I so agree with this.

My DD is with me every Christmas. If she wanted to go to her dad's I wouldn't stop her but I'm damned if he gets to pick just the good bits and I'm left alone at Christmas after putting in all the graft and sacrificing any chance of a relationship due to him rarely having her.

For anyone who thinks this is selfish, women are allowed to want a little happiness it doesn't make you selfish to want to be with your child.

He has her at New Year so once a year I get to go out and he has to stay in.

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