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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this late to meet newborn baby?

70 replies

Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 13:29

My brother's wife has had a baby boy.

They live a 5min walk from us.

I have seen the baby. My DH hasn't. He works for PWC (stressful) and was working til midnight this week. Baby was born Monday and out hospital on Tuesday.

DH said he would visit baby this weekend. My brother's wife has said Sunday will be best. All good.

Anyway, MIL has called me to say she is furious at DH for not seeing the baby yet and it's not right. Odd because baby is unrelated to her. She said he should have made the effort to see baby sooner and he puts his work before everything.

I initially was annoyed when I asked DH to come with me to meet the baby, and he said he was really struggling with work but would come at the weekend. I've settled down a bit now, yet her calling me has made me question things.

I'm not sure who is unreasonable here tbh.

I often feel DH doesn't share my excitement in things. His work really bogs him down and when he's on annual leave, he is like a different person. I explained this to him, he apologised, and has since asked me more about the baby and shown more interest. However, I still feel meeting the baby is coming after every other task he had this weekend, if you see what I mean. I don't think he prioritises the right things. Then again, I worry I am putting too much pressure on him when I know he is struggling. He works so much, his free time might feel incredibly precious.

He supports me in other ways, all my hobbies, my career, does a lot of housework, is generous financially. Yet, I feel like he doesn't extend his support to others (people I love). Maybe I expect too much and should give him a break.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 13:37

We are both early 30s with no kids, forgot to add.

OP posts:
SaulHudsonDavidJones · 15/07/2023 13:39

Sounds like the MIL needs to butt out and mind her own business.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 15/07/2023 13:40

No it’s not too late.

Bonkers to me that anyone would get this upset about it like your MIL has.

Surely you - as the direct aunt - going has been enough? Don’t people need time to settle at home with a new baby before more visitors come?

eurochick · 15/07/2023 13:41

Everyone seems happy with the arrangement, apart from mil who is sticking her oar into something that doesn't concern her. Ignore.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 15/07/2023 13:42

I don't think it's particularly unreasonable of him to not be that bothered about a new baby in the family, but you'd think he'd make an effort knowing it was important to you.

It would be annoying if work comes first allllll the time though.

3dogsandarabbit · 15/07/2023 13:43

Why is mil ringing you and moaning and not her son?

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 15/07/2023 13:43

Why on earth would he be prioritising meeting a baby who has no biological links to him whatsoever when he doesn’t sound particularly into babies anyway? I think listening to you and agreeing to see baby Sunday is perfectly acceptable, it’s just a baby not the second bloody coming! If you are interested then visit and sigh over it but I honestly never understand women who expect their husbands to think as they do in all things.

Wildspace · 15/07/2023 13:44

3dogsandarabbit · 15/07/2023 13:43

Why is mil ringing you and moaning and not her son?

Exactly this.

takealettermsjones · 15/07/2023 13:44

None of this is an issue. Why is his delay in seeing your brother's baby a failure to support you? He's not stopping you seeing the baby. It's only been a few days. Sorry but I don't get it.

thaisweetchill · 15/07/2023 13:45

No it's not. My brothers wife gave birth in January and my DP is yet to meet him, he's just not bothered about babies. Plus they do live 30 mins away and DP works mon-sat and we always have plans on Sundays.

Callyem · 15/07/2023 13:46

This whole thing baffles me.

IAmAnIdiot123 · 15/07/2023 13:47

If my MIL rang me to have a go about her son doing/not doing something I would just hang up. I am not his minder and his actions are not my responsibility.

I am shocked anyone would accept this tbh.

BubziOwl · 15/07/2023 13:48

I don't think it's too late, no.

However I wonder if your MIL, like you, thinks your husband's attitude to work is unhealthy and since you've seen the baby and he hasn't, she's frustrated that he's yet again missed out on something (as in, he didn't go when you went) due to work? I think the context of her complaint matters, she's probably coming from a place of concern for your husband and sympathy for you?

Clymene · 15/07/2023 13:48

Your brother's wife has had a baby. He's going to see it less than a week after it's been born and he's been working until midnight.

When was he supposed to go earlier?

HN3452 · 15/07/2023 13:51

MIL is a nut. And misogynist to boot by having a go at YOU and not HIM. About a baby in YOUR family - not her own

What a bizarre woman

SuperSonicAyeAye · 15/07/2023 13:51

When my new nephew was born I popped up solo and sat on the bed with sil etc. DP would not really have been welcome! Don't think he saw the baby until he was two months old. No one cares, and DP loves babies! Your mil sounds v weird and I don't blame you dh for not being mega bothered either tbh. Storm in a teacup.

Benby · 15/07/2023 13:51

Give the chap a break he's been working till midnight all week and said he would go at the weekend it was your SIL that said Sunday suited best not your Dh.

noglow · 15/07/2023 13:52

Your MIL shouldn't be ringing you about it. And I don't know why you're getting concerned about it either. I'm sure PWC aren't driving him to work that late - he sounds poor with time management or he's off down the pub/in a hotel room.

noglow · 15/07/2023 13:52

And if he's not interested in the baby so be it.

Shopper727 · 15/07/2023 13:55

When my second nephew was born my sister was v poorly and I had a 5 week old so when I visited as we have no other family I couldn’t hold him etc was perhaps 3/4 days after he was born. My youngest nephew was 3 weeks old as I had a horrible bug and was wiped out by it, no one was upset or furious. Your in laws are weird. The baby is not going anywhere!! It’s also only a baby, mine are older how and I’m kinda over the baby stage you can’t expect everyone to run because you’ve had one, some people are just not that interested and that’s ok.

Newnamenewname109870 · 15/07/2023 13:55

That’s really early! I told most people at least 2 weeks before visitors. Mil is weird.

rickandmorts · 15/07/2023 13:56

The baby isn't even a week old yet 😂 I think it's fine your DP hasn't met him yet

BiscuitsandPuffin · 15/07/2023 13:57

Are you always this easily swayed by the opinions of noisy empty cans? That's what amazes me the most about this thread!

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 15/07/2023 13:58

The baby isn't even a week old yet, of course it isn't late. And it's your brother's baby so not directly related to him.

Your DH sounds like he is busy in work but he has prioritised time to meet the baby this weekend. Perfectly reasonable imo. And he is making an effort to ask about it because it matters to you. Fair enough if he is not really that bothered about it for himself - newborn babies aren't actually that interesting to a lot of people if they aren't directly related.

His mother sounds batshit and needs to stop stirring things up. And you need to cut your DH some slack, he sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

VisionsOfSplendour · 15/07/2023 14:01

The working all the time is a justifiable annoyance the meeting the baby stuff is ridiculous nonsense

What would happen if you just dont answer the phone when MIL rings?