Is this late to meet newborn baby?

[Pricelessly]

My brother's wife has had a baby boy.

They live a 5min walk from us.

I have seen the baby. My DH hasn't. He works for PWC (stressful) and was working til midnight this week. Baby was born Monday and out hospital on Tuesday.

DH said he would visit baby this weekend. My brother's wife has said Sunday will be best. All good.

Anyway, MIL has called me to say she is furious at DH for not seeing the baby yet and it's not right. Odd because baby is unrelated to her. She said he should have made the effort to see baby sooner and he puts his work before everything.

I initially was annoyed when I asked DH to come with me to meet the baby, and he said he was really struggling with work but would come at the weekend. I've settled down a bit now, yet her calling me has made me question things.

I'm not sure who is unreasonable here tbh.

I often feel DH doesn't share my excitement in things. His work really bogs him down and when he's on annual leave, he is like a different person. I explained this to him, he apologised, and has since asked me more about the baby and shown more interest. However, I still feel meeting the baby is coming after every other task he had this weekend, if you see what I mean. I don't think he prioritises the right things. Then again, I worry I am putting too much pressure on him when I know he is struggling. He works so much, his free time might feel incredibly precious.

He supports me in other ways, all my hobbies, my career, does a lot of housework, is generous financially. Yet, I feel like he doesn't extend his support to others (people I love). Maybe I expect too much and should give him a break.

Thoughts?

What an odd thing to get upset about.

He's planning to visit his wife's newborn niece less than a week after she was born? That demonstrates as much interest as I'd expect tbh. But if there's a wider issue of him not being enthusiastic about things that are important to you, well then maybe you're incompatible and you should think carefully before having kids together. Not being over-dramatic but MN is full of 'yeah I suppose the warning signs were there with my ex husband...'

When my nephew who's my nephew by marriage was born, DH and I called round but he was just sort of there as he felt he had to be. I was the one holding him, helped sort out my older nephews dinner, gave the kitchen a quick clean etc while DH caught up with his brother. Lots of men aren't that into babies and it's OK. Also the baby is hardly going to mind that he's not been yet.
MiL needs to butt out. He's not been sat twiddling his thumbs!

What is all this bollocks?
Its so necessary.
Some mother's dont want visits & go into a cavern bonding forweeks, & get completely neurotic over it
Some families are creating unrest over a baby who will only sleep, cry or feed for several weeks & the mother who is tired, unwashed & just wants quiet.
Some mothers or MIL start getting offended by a busy man not prioritising someone else's baby
Its frankly ridiculous.

Bit foolish men really aren’t interested in babies unless it’s there own! In my experience anyway?! Loopy mil needs to keep her nose out!

This is absolutely non of MIL's business.
Watch her, before she causes angst between you. My own MIL was a bit like that, she would criticise DH to me and then expect me to have a go at him.
If she has something to say to her son, she should say it herself, instead of making bullets and asking you to fire them.

I'm sure PWC aren't driving him to work that late - he sounds poor with time management or he's off down the pub/in a hotel room.

I don't think you have a clue about the pressure and hours these types of employers expect, what a ridiculous comment and conclusion. It doesn't make it ok but FFS you don't need to make op paranoid with factually incorrect statements

Why are you so invested in his family when he isn't

If that's the case they should be removed from those top 100 companies to work for lists.

Agreed. Big 4 jobs can be brutal, especially at the age OP’s DH is. The long hours now can pay off with a more relaxed and fantastically-paid work life when you are more senior and have more people to delegate to, or it can burn you out. Plenty of options to move jobs once you have the experience under your belt though.

Have you and he made a long term plan for his career OP?

It's threads like this that make me adore my mother in law. She would never dream of calling me to complain about her son, such a strange thing to do.

I think there are a couple of points here, which are being conflated.

Baby is only a few days old - meeting them this weekend is fine.

Your husband regularly putting work first to the point of working until midnight could be an issue. Your MIL is concerned that he is going to put work first always. She may be overreacting, but she may also have a point.

This is so bizarre. My parents met my first when she was two weeks, and my eldest when she was 5 months (born the day covid was officially declared a pandemic - my sister and brother-in-law met her when she was 9 months.)

Loads of women want a two-week baby bubble with no visitors. Your SIL is leaking blood, milk and tears and probably with a lot of stitches and discomfort - she likely would much prefer that unrelated men don’t rush around to plonk themselves on her sofa, demanding cups of tea and playing pass the dolly. Have you actually asked if she’s happy to have him around at all by day 6, never mind before? She’s the one who matters here - not you (sorry), and certainly not your mother-in-law.

that's the case they should be removed from those top 100 companies to work for lists

But they're all like that 😂same as top law firms, banking in the city, private medical practice when you're starting or mid career.. they are fundamentally incompatible with family life in the bulk of roles there. At least project and client roles. Burnout rates are high, as are broken marriages and other means of coping (alcohol etc) are common. If you want to clock off at 5pm, you won't get a job or stay long at these employers. Hopefully op DH has a longer term plan/end goal for the brutal expectations but let's be honest here.. unless you know how big 4 works, best not comment..

Fair enough. Presumably OP knew he worked for this sort of company. So she should support him in that.

I’m with those posters who see MiL hoping that the mere sight of a baby will make her son go all broody and produce a grandchild for her as a result. Just tell her it won’t work if that’s what she wants.

Not too late. My sister didn't bother until my son was 6 weeks old and I've never really forgiven her for that. Her bf at the time didn't see his own child and therefore it would have been "too upsetting" for him to come and see mine. Not sure why she didn't bother though.

I think this is odd and rude. My sister’s husband was supportive of us when we had our baby, he didn’t ignore us and say he’s not bothered about babies, also live about 30 minutes away.

I can’t say babies and children fascinate me and I’ve never been someone who’s desperate for newborn cuddles or says I’m looking forward to them.

I do make more of an effort than you’ve describe though because having a baby is a huge deal to the person who’s had one and I’d want to support my sibling/in-law/friend. I show up with home cooked food, say the right things and go home (at a time convenient to the new parent because that’s the right thing to do).

It hasn't even been a week! Give the man a break.

He needs to make a bit of an effort and not leave it too long, but less than a week? 😂

MIL needs to mind her own business. Most people don't care about other people's babies or children.