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Original poster

Is this late to meet newborn baby?

70 replies

Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 13:29

My brother's wife has had a baby boy.

They live a 5min walk from us.

I have seen the baby. My DH hasn't. He works for PWC (stressful) and was working til midnight this week. Baby was born Monday and out hospital on Tuesday.

DH said he would visit baby this weekend. My brother's wife has said Sunday will be best. All good.

Anyway, MIL has called me to say she is furious at DH for not seeing the baby yet and it's not right. Odd because baby is unrelated to her. She said he should have made the effort to see baby sooner and he puts his work before everything.

I initially was annoyed when I asked DH to come with me to meet the baby, and he said he was really struggling with work but would come at the weekend. I've settled down a bit now, yet her calling me has made me question things.

I'm not sure who is unreasonable here tbh.

I often feel DH doesn't share my excitement in things. His work really bogs him down and when he's on annual leave, he is like a different person. I explained this to him, he apologised, and has since asked me more about the baby and shown more interest. However, I still feel meeting the baby is coming after every other task he had this weekend, if you see what I mean. I don't think he prioritises the right things. Then again, I worry I am putting too much pressure on him when I know he is struggling. He works so much, his free time might feel incredibly precious.

He supports me in other ways, all my hobbies, my career, does a lot of housework, is generous financially. Yet, I feel like he doesn't extend his support to others (people I love). Maybe I expect too much and should give him a break.

Thoughts?

OP posts:
SpringIntoChaos · 15/07/2023 14:01

FML! All this drama over a baby!!! Your husband isn't even related to the bloody baby!!! Jesus! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I've never met a man (other than the ACTUAL father) who is even remotely interested in a baby! They may fake it, or go along just to keep their other half happy, but for the love of god, give this man a break...he's been working every night this week until midnight! He's going on Sunday!! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

(And I say this as a completely besotted new grandma...so I'm in a 'new baby bubble' of my own right now'...and I still wouldn't expect any non-relative to be in it with me!)

Original poster
Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:05

Okay, understood!

I chat to MIL a bit, we get on well. She wasn't having a go at me. She spoke to him first and then brought it up when she was calling me about something else. I do think she has overreacted. However, I was annoyed at first when he said he couldn't come, then thought I was being ridiculous, so her reaction has made me think 'maybe I wasn't being ridiculous' if you see what I mean.

DH works remotely btw, so I definitely see that he's working.

I think I'm expecting too much. I told him how important it was to me, and now he's taken it onboard. I know some people say men aren't bothered etc. But I support his family and their ups and downs in life and I don't think it's good enough that he isn't bothered because he's a man. We should support our spouses because we them, doesn't matter man or woman.

OP posts:
wishingitwasfriday · 15/07/2023 14:09

Is your mil hoping that you and your husband will have children? Maybe she sees this as him being uninterested in babies and, therefore, is worried that you/he wont want any. Obviously that decision is none of her business but women who want grandchildren can tend to go a little crazy about this (I speak from experience with my own mil)

Wnikat · 15/07/2023 14:10

if wouldn’t cross my mind for a single second to get annoyed that my husband didn’t meet my nieces or nephews within a specific time period. Don’t manufacture things to get annoyed about

CindersAgain · 15/07/2023 14:12

I wouldn’t expect your husband to be that interested in your sibling’s baby.

Original poster
Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:14

@wishingitwasfriday yes, she is desperate for a grandchild. I'm very much on the fence. DH is on the fence, leaning more towards having them.

OP posts:
ProperChocolate · 15/07/2023 14:26

We should support our spouses because we them, doesn't matter man or woman

Agreed. But what support does anyone need to walk 5 minutes down the road to see a brother's new baby? I don't think it's a situation that needs support
Nobody's ill, or needs a favour, or assistance with anything. And it's not as if he couldn't be bothered and stayed at home watching telly.

pimplebum · 15/07/2023 14:29

Why is your oh only doing a " bit" of housework

The only person who gets to say who visits and when is the new mother so mil needs to be put straight how dare she have an opinion!?

It's your nephew I would not expect my partner to be that excited if at all

Barold · 15/07/2023 14:29

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 15/07/2023 13:43

Why on earth would he be prioritising meeting a baby who has no biological links to him whatsoever when he doesn’t sound particularly into babies anyway? I think listening to you and agreeing to see baby Sunday is perfectly acceptable, it’s just a baby not the second bloody coming! If you are interested then visit and sigh over it but I honestly never understand women who expect their husbands to think as they do in all things.

Totally this.

If I was with someone and their sibling had a kid, I wouldn’t be the slightest bit interested in meeting him/her because children don’t interest me. I’d be equally uninterested in a biological niece/nephew.

I’d do it at some point (that was convenient for me) but any interest I showed would be fake tbh and rustled up only to keep the peace/please the parents.

MammaTo · 15/07/2023 14:30

I think it depends on your usual family dynamic.
If you’re all really close then a week might be too long, when I had my baby immediate family had all met him within 2-3 days.
But if you’re not all that close then a week seems pretty fine - but i think the issue may be more he’s putting other tasks over sharing in someone else’s happiness, seeing you be an aunty with a new nephew.

pimplebum · 15/07/2023 14:30

Mil should not be complaining to you , you are not his mother

Original poster
Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:30

Eh @pimplebum I said he does a lot of housework?

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 15/07/2023 14:30

I met my niece and nephew last week. They are 2&5yo... thats international families for you!
DH met our daughter at 2 weeks old!

Its never too late. Its what you do with the time and the care you show thats important.

TeaKitten · 15/07/2023 14:32

Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:05

Okay, understood!

I chat to MIL a bit, we get on well. She wasn't having a go at me. She spoke to him first and then brought it up when she was calling me about something else. I do think she has overreacted. However, I was annoyed at first when he said he couldn't come, then thought I was being ridiculous, so her reaction has made me think 'maybe I wasn't being ridiculous' if you see what I mean.

DH works remotely btw, so I definitely see that he's working.

I think I'm expecting too much. I told him how important it was to me, and now he's taken it onboard. I know some people say men aren't bothered etc. But I support his family and their ups and downs in life and I don't think it's good enough that he isn't bothered because he's a man. We should support our spouses because we them, doesn't matter man or woman.

I don’t think he’s not bothered about the baby because he’s a man, it’s because he’s very tired and busy and it’s a baby that’s not related to him. Why do you need support by him seeing someone else’s baby in the first few days of its life? Where is your support for him? This baby is not yours and is less than a week old, settle down, you don’t need all this drama over it.

pimplebum · 15/07/2023 14:34

Eh @pimplebum I said he does a lot of housework?

Happy to be wrong - not got my specs on 👍

CecilyP · 15/07/2023 14:35

Good grief, he is visiting the baby 6 days after it’s born. A baby who is only related to him by marriage. What difference does it make? Your MIL sounds nuts!

Original poster
Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:38

Regarding the support comments...

Maybe support is the wrong word. I'd like him to show interest, so I can share my joy with him. Like I do for all his passions and any of his family's interests/successes. It would mean a lot to me if he would show interest.

OP posts:
Whataretheodds · 15/07/2023 14:41

Bonkers.

The baby won't remember and they have rubbish chat at that age anyway.

TeaKitten · 15/07/2023 14:41

Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:38

Regarding the support comments...

Maybe support is the wrong word. I'd like him to show interest, so I can share my joy with him. Like I do for all his passions and any of his family's interests/successes. It would mean a lot to me if he would show interest.

You said he’s asked about the baby and is seeing it before it’s even a week old. It’s a newborn baby, how many questions can even be asked? Have you considered you are making a mountain out of a molehill here?

LovedmyRaleighChopper · 15/07/2023 14:41

Pricelessly · 15/07/2023 14:38

Regarding the support comments...

Maybe support is the wrong word. I'd like him to show interest, so I can share my joy with him. Like I do for all his passions and any of his family's interests/successes. It would mean a lot to me if he would show interest.

Even if it’s faked?
maybe you should show a lot more interest in things that interest him?

catsnhats11 · 15/07/2023 14:43

wishingitwasfriday · 15/07/2023 14:09

Is your mil hoping that you and your husband will have children? Maybe she sees this as him being uninterested in babies and, therefore, is worried that you/he wont want any. Obviously that decision is none of her business but women who want grandchildren can tend to go a little crazy about this (I speak from experience with my own mil)

This. Came here to say the same thing (and also experienced similar). I don't think it's insignificant that your on your 30s and no children, even more so if there are no other GC in the family?..

RobertaFirmino · 15/07/2023 14:43

Whataretheodds · 15/07/2023 14:41

Bonkers.

The baby won't remember and they have rubbish chat at that age anyway.

I've often wondered how you actually 'meet' a baby. Surely you just look at it for a moment and make all the expected noises.

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 14:46

HN3452 · 15/07/2023 13:51

MIL is a nut. And misogynist to boot by having a go at YOU and not HIM. About a baby in YOUR family - not her own

What a bizarre woman

This.

Does she have firm for being controlling?

If I was you, I’d see this as a warning for how over involved she would be if it was your baby!

Thebirdhouse · 15/07/2023 14:46
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thecatsthecats · 15/07/2023 15:13

My husband used to work for the big four, and he was honestly drained out. A complete shell of a man during busy season.

I ended up giving him an ultimatum, because I wasn't starting a family with someone who was hardly there, even when he was there.

Note "used to" - he moved to the civil service, and has a far better work life balance.

I wouldn't have bugged him about meeting a baby within a week, but if it's an overall issue, then address that.

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