My sister and I both have 2 year olds. Born a couple of months apart. I also have an older girl (7).
I was suppose to have my niece last week for the day so my sister could pick up an extra shift. She tells me money is tight right now. In my view she is a bit of a helicopter parent, but each to their own, and she made some requests.
That I take my niece to another room for a nappy change to provide privacy, my DH work from home and there’s a chance he could walk through for a coffee for example. She also doesn’t want her changed in front on 7 year old. Whether I agree or not, it’s not a hassle so I said fine. Future note for further in the post, this would of course involve me leaving my son for a few minutes in a very baby proofed living room.
She said my niece struggles with food more than my 2 year old so can I cot up food smaller than I usually would. Ok, done.
She then calls me the night before asking that I do not leave my niece in the living room at all and that I take her with me wherever I go. I said I’m not doing that, I’ll have 3 children with me and I’ll need to get on with other things. At most it’ll be a few minutes, for a wee, make a snack, put a few clothes away, etc, and my stairs are in my living room so I can hear them well. There are stair gates in front of the kitchen and stairs, no breakables in reach, no small toys or ornaments, all furniture is bolted to the wall.
I also pointed out she expects me to leave my son in the same living room to change her daughter in privacy. She said it’s not the same because I’m happy to leave him for a couple minutes. She also asked if DH could stop work to watch my niece for a couple of minutes if I need a wee, etc. I said no.
Whether I think it’s safe of not AIBU to think she shouldn’t make requests that involve me doing something with my child that she’s not happy with for hers.
Similar thing have happened before, when they were first born she stayed overnight with me while our partners worked away. She slept on the other side of the bed (DH’s side, sheets changed!) and put up a travel cot. There’s a wardrobe that side with a couple bits on the top. She was worried they’d jump off and fall in the cot so, although they weren’t near the edge, I made sure everything was pushed back. The cot wasn’t even up against the wardrobe, and even in the impossible event something did fall, it wouldn’t have landed in the cot. I put it down to being a first time mum and thought nothing much more, until she said ‘well if you feel it’s safe can we swap and your baby go hear instead. I said no, mainly because of all the moving of cots last thing at night (because she also didn’t think my cot was safe, so we would of had to move cots about not just swap the babies).
Although both babies were perfectly safe, it hurt that she felt happy to put my baby in a situation she didn’t think was safe to ensure her own was ok.