To wish my relative would stop harping on about portion sizes

[Averagesizedsalad]

I have a relative who is doing my head in with their repeated "Oh I'm so teeny tiny, oh this is so much food however will i manage" dramas. I need to rant before I explode! Share with me your infuriating virtue signalling teeny tiny stories? Maybe I am just extra cranky because I am HUNGRY everytime I see them because I'm breastfeeding 🤷‍♀️

Said relatives recent examples:

• When served a totally average sized salad for lunch, lamented "Oh this is so large, however will I have room for dinner later? I shall have to skip dinner, this salad will keep me full until morning" (I WISH I was joking, but alas I am not)

• Recently cooked a meal of pasta for lunch, in which I could count the number of pasta pieces on one hand. Of course accompanied by "Oh what a large meal, I shan't want dinner later at all!" It equated to about 1 normal sized portion of pasta dish split between 2 people, so fair enough that might be considered a light lunch if you're expecting a big dinner later, but not so much food that you wouldn't need to eat later on!

• Lamented that after having a normal sized slice of cake at a party that they were "Being sooooo naughty and would need to go on a big diet afterwards". It's a single slice of cake at a birthday party for goodness sake! You're not eating 1/4 of a cake everyday for dessert!

Obligatory: relative doesn't suffer from any health issues that might result in a small appetite blah blah blah. They are just insufferable and enjoy attention.

Thanks for listening to a hungry lactating mother complain after having about 10 curls (pieces? Squirls? What is the correct term here??) of pasta for "Lunch"

Has no one pointed out to her how rude she is being?

For some people it seems to become part of their identity. They never have a whole anything. And they have to be seen to have not had a whole something.

🤣🤣

Have we lost sight of what a healthy weight looks like yet?

My Fil does it too - then proceeds to stuff himself silly 🙄

I often think these people are actually big eaters on the sly.

We will. We've already had people "shovelling gloop" rather than "eating cake".

My MIL does this, but then eats the same as everyone else. I think it's a generational thing, they feel ashamed for eating 'too much' so have to perform having a dainty appetite.

I also knew someone years ago who used to do similar, but actually would only eat half a sandwich or whatever and would tell everyone 'I don't eat much because I like to be skinny'. And fair enough, she was skinny, but it made me feel like a heifer for eating a whole meal 🙄

It's not generational

But it is true that the human body needs fewer calories with age

So older women who don't want to pile it on with the menopause will be consuming less than someone like OP who is a younger breastfeeding woman, who actually needs a few hundred calories above her normal intake

I think it’s a form of attention seeking and it would piss me off no end.

I wouldn’t entertain the person too much- problem solved.
But then I’m not really a people person and don’t like people in general very much.

And fair enough, she was skinny, but it made me feel like a heifer for eating a whole meal

Yes, that was the intention. Had she simply eaten what she wanted and shut up about it, you'd have been fine.

These people are awful.

😁

It’s simple, just say oh sorry, pick the plate up, remove half and hand it back saying sorry again I hope this is a better size for you, don5 worry next time I will serve less, and from them on give half portions

or don’t feed her

Or people can realise people can't make as many comments as they like but they can't force you to think, you have to own that yourself

Ooh, profound.

Stop being a rude dinner guest.

People doing anything performatively is annoying. My DM can't handle loud noises so whenever we're anywhere noisy she makes an awful grimace and puts her fingers in her ears and starts mouthing "it's sooo looooud!" at me. It's so predictable that now it just makes me laugh.

Likewise people who do performative parenting. A dad at our school gate the other Friday was asking his daughter's teacher to score her behaviour that week from one to ten so he could judge whether she deserved "tablet time". It was all so loud and attention-seeking. Clearly for the benefit of other people so they could marvel at his parenting techniques. Just STFU!

I know exactly what the op means and it’s performative. My parents talk about portion sizes a lot because they have much smaller appetites now but are of the generation that cannot ever waste food, so it’s a serious business, and they find it tricky to judge how much to give me because they don’t want to assume everyone eats the tiny amount they do but also don’t want waste. They are not doing it as a performance or for attention. But there are absolutely people that do.

I think OP would risk coming across as PA if she took the plate away like that.

But I think you are spot on to say that giving smaller portions in the first place is the right thing to do. OP knows she gives her more food than she likes, and that's something she can change.

My friend is like this, I love her dearly but it's just such a pain to have to listen to and sucks the enjoyment right out of any meal. I've noticed it's not as bad if she is drinking so I tend to only do dinner with her now.

My mil does this. Performative daintyness is the perfect label for it, thank you.

I know it’s been part of her life since her teens. She once told me that her and her sister used to try and get their waists as small as possible. Her sister in her late teens/early twenties apparently had a waist under 20” which was “the talk of the town” (I can’t believe this is true) and because mil couldn’t get her waist under 20” she was called chunky. It obviously stuck with them as at a rare family get together that’s what they both talked/sniped at each other about. These women are in their 80s and it still really mattered to them. They are both riddled with awful osteoporosis, which I wouldn’t be surprised has been made worse by excessive dieting over the years. It made me feel quite sad.

These days I try to not let it bother me and I get her to serve up her own portions. She has stopped commenting on other people’s portion sizes as I told her it was rude and off putting. I honestly don’t think it had occurred to her how other people felt as it was so much all about her and how dainty she was coming across to people. She still does a bulgy eye thing when she sees my adult sized portions but at least she doesn’t use her words.

I have a lovely friend who does this. She is the size of a baby bird.

She recently confided she thought she may have had an eating disorder for the last 30 years. I told her she had been brave to share that, and didn't mention it was bloody obvious.

DH, his sister and Dad are be very controlling around food. His Dad often comments on dh portions which is really unhelpful. Thank Christ MiL and I just eat until we are full and don't take perverse joy in skipping meals.

I have one of these in my life. She’s now given up doing it around me - I would lightly say “what a shame, you should ask your dr about IBS”. Shut her right up.

My MIL is constantly saying how fat she is despite being a size 10-12. Once, on holiday, she had soup in a normal sized Styrofoam cup. She loudly announced that there was so much soup, she would have to save the rest for dinner / tomorrow's lunch. She is diet obssessed and now has severe osteoporosis because of her eating habits. It drives me CRAZY when she announces how fat she is in front of my DD - I don't want DD picking up any negative habits when she's so little.

Hahaha! Yes

My granny was like that

Ruined every meal She ever joined us for, made it all about her and her daintiness and very feminine tiny appetite

Told me off, from about age 12, about eating so much and no wonder I was so tall (too tall, a "great big thing" she called me), I'd never get a man, nobody would want to date a great big thing 😄

Both my cousins ended up with eating disorders, and at 50 are still anorexic and look very sick with it 😢

Thankfully it was water of a duck's back to me.

God she was such a bore. The biggest thing a I object to is the boringness of these people

Can you just see her less?

I was thinking about this very phenomenon yesterday. I’m generally considered as someone with a very healthy appetite (I’m at a normal weight) because I love food and eating is one of my favourite things to do. I’ve currently got a newborn and an 18month old and yesterday I didn’t have time to have breakfast because I was busy with them. Normally I would have totally rolled my eyes at people who “forget” to eat a meal (doesn’t their stomach remind them?), though for the first time in ages I skipped a meal yesterday. I made up for it with a big lunch, afternoon snacks and a big dinner. And dessert.

My Mum used to exclaim in mock horror/surprise when she was served a completely average plate of food. It was the look of pretend shock on her face at the 'vast amount' of food that used to annoy me. So don't eat it all, already. Just leave off with the facial expressions and comments.